Revelations

It will mean something different to everyone who reads it

Revelations

By: Ethan West

I walk amongst this bitter place

The pictures hang my face on high

To see what was beyond my face

Would take more than sweet natures' cry

And yet, in morrow I debate

My voice like teardrops to the wind

Could life itself be in my hate

My hate forthcoming from within

I stand to fight the hall of mine

Each picture ripped from dusty space

Each joyous sound in steep decline

And every sorrow on my face

Till I yet find the one of mine

That has a smile from his face

Perhaps it would but give me time

Time to finish off this space

Yet in my heart I know him false

The me I see in picture nigh

And in this circle I will waltz

The picture hanging from on high

Till once again the picture gone

And this sorrowed hall I then commence

To rip apart the battered throng

Of me and me I banish hence

And if I'm lost I did not care

I did not heed my worried tone

The scattered me was shattered there

And in this battered hall a throne

And in this chair there bore a light

The light which served to aid my fate

A light which bore me greater blight

And sealed me in with my own hate

So here I stand before you now

A broken, barren bitter slate

But in my eyes I now see how

To maybe free what I create

And in this circle I'll arise

And in this though I will begin

To pray with all my heart of lies

That this poem shall find it's end

Author's Note

Any feedback is greatly appreciated!

Reviews

[David Michael]

I see why you like this one.... It is quite exquisite! I think that's a great word to describe it. Compared to the other two I've read (and this was much longer), there was hardly a bump in the rhythm - fourth stanza, fourth line, and the very last line of the poem, both are missing a pickup syllable; and stanza 6 line 2 is a bit strange. But otherwise your flow is impeccable, and despite a strong meter and rhyme, it doesn't come off as sing-songy. Beyond the mundane of syllables, the word use is wonderful, the alliterative play and tasteful repetition of concepts very effective. Some favorite moments: "The scattered me was shattered there / And in this battered hall a throne". How stanza 5 line 4 brings back the second line of the poem. Stanza 8 - all of it - it's quite fun to read.

The one complaint I can come up with - and I had to wrack my brain for something - would be a little more punctuation in spots. This goes for all your poems, though thankfully the lack doesn't usually confuse. But for instance, stanza 6, did you mean "To rip apart the battered throng / Of me[,] and me I banish hence"? I feel like there should be a comma there, but it's possible you mean something very different from what I was reading. Anyways, just a thought. The poem itself is a favorite of mine as well :)

[ewest1220]

That's a good point a comma really should be there. Past that I'm really quite thrilled you enjoyed this and I love your translation of my work. I'll have to take a look at my other works to see if anything like that pops up. Thank you so much for taking the time to give me feedback on these I'm absolutely thrilled you enjoyed my work!

[David Michael]

I equally love being able to actually enjoy someone's work! I often get asked to look at stuff, and always try to give great feedback. But it's rare I actually get to enjoy what I read. So thank YOU :)

[The dark story]

wowo...you wrote you wrote this poem in such a sublime manner.it is amazing..

"And if I'm lost I did not care
I did not heed my worried tone
The scattered me was shattered there
And in this battered hall a throne".i liked this stanza the most..it is a sorely powerful poem.the flow in the poem is also appreciable ...........nice work

[ewest1220]

Wow I'm really thrilled you liked this one! Thank you!

[TheJordBaker]

flows fantastically and the way I personally read it the stanzas individually stand out. good work again.

[ewest1220]

Thanks! Glad you liked it!

[Admiral Kirk]

Another amazing poem. Great flow, great wording, I loved it.

[ewest1220]

Thanks!

[Mockingjay]

It's a song :) the words are a melody that swirl images.
I was intertwined in the beat and didn't want it to stop.
Great work here. A melody of darkness but i feel a lot of strength, an unrelenting spirit. I love :)
I can hear this melody over and over again.

[ewest1220]

Wow I like the perspective that you took with this work! Thanks for reading :)

[allie_arrowz]

didn't pull me in. i only connected with a few parts and they were towards the end.
good read though.

[ewest1220]

This is one of those ones that mean something different to everyone. I've had everything from fantastic to eh on this one lol thanks for reading though!

[allie_arrowz]

don't all poems mean something different to everyone?
haha just kidding. welcome.

[Melody]

I feel like this is a poem where I feel like cheering. It fills me with hope, and I think that's what one it's main hitters for me. GREAT job. I give you two thumbs up.
The flow is magnificent and so is your talent. I love this. Keep it up. :)

[ewest1220]

Wow thanks a ton :) I was going to hold off on some of my newer works but I think I'll post them tonight

[Melody]

Well, I'll read them! :) Lol

[realmwriter]

I'll read them too...!

[ewest1220]

Thanks guys!

[Laura]

Your word flow and talent are great, i love it.

[ewest1220]

Same to you. Man first day on this site and I'm finding some awesome stuff to read. Thanks for the review glad you liked it.