Firefight

Firefight

By: Ethan West

The fire rages bright

Of man reborn again

When all was before now

I was dead before then

But now in life's fire I burn

And I am brought to begin

So let the fire burn bright

My hearts fuel within

Burning bright as the night

For black fuel fuels black flame

I take back my life

And take pride in my name

My name I cry out

To all that will hear

I scream and I shout

I will not bend in fear

Fear of that darkness

That black flame reviewed

The cold bitter sadness

Of a once tired feud

Broken by storms and battered by dream

I take up my hand and reach for the light

I hear my heat ring, and it's voice does sing

I take up my sword and fight

Author's Note

Very very raw poem. This is the first draft I'm not sure whether or not I like it yet. So I'll leave it up to you guys! Thank you for your time!

Reviews

[Melody]

The rawness does indeed help it out. It's rhythm is off a little bit for me, but it doesn't really do anything negative to the poem. If anything I think the off-rhythm belongs to this piece,but it could be stronger and might be better with the last line being longer, I feel like that would make it just right. :)
Great read though.

[ewest1220]

Also interesting perspective. The rhyme scheme was intended to limp I'm not sure if I quite succeeded. I'm glad you liked it though! Thanks for reading!

[That1Nerd23]

Wow....Incredible poem!

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm really glad you like my work thank you so much for reading!

[That1Nerd23]

You're very welcome! ((:

[Lizbeth]

Hi there,
Have been offline for a while, so just saw the "read request" in last two days.

Love the lines:
"Broken by storms and battered by dream
I take up my hand and reach for the light"

The only thing I might suggest would be a little punctuaiton, i.e. not every line starting with a capital letter ...

Otherwise the imagery was great and always enjoy yr writing.
Thanks for sharing
Lizbeth

[ewest1220]

Fantastic input as always! Thank you so much for reading I'm really glad you enjoyed it! Thanks again!

[Lizbeth]

A pleasure!

[Lizbeth]

PS 4th stanza, second line: maybe:
"To all who will hear" but that may just be my British English ...
L

Like the new profile photo :)
Liz

[Erika Jones]

This is a really good poem :) The only thing I would change is in the last verse;

"Broken by storms and battered by dreams
I take up my hand and reach for the bright light
I hear my heart ring, and its voice does sing
I take up my sword and fight, and my pride fuled by flame."

[Erika Jones]

Oops!

"My pride fuled by flame, I take up my sword and fight."

[ewest1220]

Interesting. I'll play around with it and wee what I can come up with :) thanks!

[Erika Jones]

Always welcome n.n

[emilythestrange]

Good

[ewest1220]

Thanks!

[ewest1220]

Sometimes the first draft is the best, the most sincere. Once you start tweaking things, you can begin to stray from what you originally had in mind. You could make some changes if you like, but its not needed. Very interesting poem, nicely expressed.

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!

[David the writer]

I liked it. I don't know what to say besides that. I know that I didn't see any flaws, or anything that harmed your flow. Liked it.

[ewest1220]

Sweet! lol thanks for reading it!

[David the writer]

Your welcome. I have to thank you, the writer of this poem for writing it as well as you did.

[forevermore1218]

exceptional and deep. You describe a beautiful blue light that makes me want to go out in a lightning storm (I know that's dangerous but whatev.) I loved your poem and think that each stanza is incredible.

Love your work :)

[ewest1220]

Wow I'm thrilled that you feel that way about my work! Thank you so much for reading! :)

[Priscilla Sayers]

I love RAW. I love the way your fight shines through with strength in this piece. Nicely done!

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

The stirpped lines lend to the powerful impact of the piece, well done, good read.

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!

[light and ashes]

We must continue to fight to live our lives. This poem reminds me of the phoenix because this poem to me is about rebirth. I am currently waiting to be born again. I am hoping and praying for it, lovely poem.

[ewest1220]

Rebirth. That's an interesting way to translate that I like where you went with it! Glad you liked it thanks for reading!

[light and ashes]

Your welcome :)