The House

The House

A Story by ewest1220
"

We look forward to hosting you soon...

"

                                                              The House

By: Ethan West


Dear, Mr. Johnson

       We are pleased to announce that you have won our "House Bid Giveaway."  Your new house is on 914 Westwood Lane.  If you have any questions please call me at 888-8492.  We look forward to hosting you soon.  Please play again.


Yours Sincerely,

John Cortille






        "We won a house!"  Adam Johnson yelled as he jumped in the air with glee, shaking the letter in his hand.  "I don't believe it, we WON!"  As he sprinted down the rickety old stairs his dad snatched the letter and began to read.  Adams dad was always the skeptic, he had lost many a job on a "get rich quick" scheme and this, well, it seemed to good to be true.  "There is no way the man is giving this house away for free."  Adams dad muttered softly.  "Unless it's defective..."  He fell into silence, looking at the letter for any signs of a hoax.


         Just after his dad's head disappeared behind the letter his mom entered the room.  His mom and his dad were almost exactly alike.  His father handed her the letter silently and her eyes darted back and forth and she read.  However, after a period of silence, she seemed unable to find anything wrong with it and muttered silently "It just seems to good to be true."


         "What the hell are you complaining for?" Yelled a voice from the top of the stairs.  "I say let's book this thing before the man gets his mind back."  The voice came from his Uncle Charley.  Or Great Uncle Charley to be correct.  But to Adam he had always been just plain Uncle Charley.


         Uncle Charley was an old war veteran.  He looked rather like a sailor who was a bit past his prime.  Complete with comb-over and suspenders.  He had lost his leg in the war and made many a joke about it.  "All I got from the war was a purple heart, and I traded it for my leg."  He would always tell Adam.  "The lesson is if your going to get a purple heart, just shoot yourself in the foot and be done with it, heroics are for the dead."


         Adam himself had just turned 18 today.  He wasn't truly 18 until 11:00 tonight.  But as far as he himself cared, he was a man.  He was an average boy, not to skinny, not to fat just an average boy.  An average man.  He looked at his father who was walking to the old phone at the foot of the stairs.


         "I think I'll call this John Cortille person to straighten a few things out," he said.  "You'd better pack up or else you don't get to come along, got it?"


           Adam rushed upstairs to pack, the reason they were in such a hurry to leave was apparent.  For the house they lived in was in the family possession ever since his now 28 times great grandfather acquired it in a poker game in 2010, and Adam was sure it hadn't had any repairs done on it since then.  His family had always lived in poverty, they had never had a chance to start over.  But maybe this was their chance, their time to shine.


           As he entered his room he looked at the destruction of the wall just opposite of his door.  He suddenly realized that as overjoyed as he was to leave this old wreck, a part of his heart would always reside here.  In the house his family had lived in for so many years, would forever be in his memory.  Branded there unwillingly, but now such a part of his being that the forced branding was soothing, almost.  He himself had destroyed that wall.  He was leaning out his window to talk to his girlfriend at the time and the entire wall came lose from the rickety framing.  Then with a shock of joy he remembered the time his Uncle had fallen through the roof, through two floors to the basement.  And as the dust settled around his body he exclaimed "If I had my other leg I would be in a lot of pain right now."  And with no more then that got up and continued to go about his business.  As he continued to be bombarded with these memories of this old wreck he was about to leave forever.  The hole in his heart grew and grew.  Consuming him entirely.


           "Are you ready?"  His father yelled up the stairs at him.  "Cause we're leaving this dump."  Adam hastily packed his things which, conveniently for him, fit easily inside a suitcase.  He heard an almighty crash and a thud as the middle of the second floor crashed down to the first floor and the heavy thud of his Uncle hitting the floor echoed inside the house.  Sure enough as he raced down the stairs, there was his Uncle with an expression of total shock and suppressed mirth vivid on his face.  "Ha, It seems our little squirrel friend finally gnawed through our support wire it looks like he took most of our humble abode down with him."  He pointed at the dead squirrel who had fallen with him and now lay dead at his feet.  "A good man, we the people of this house will never forget you."  He said as he took off his hat and mockingly placed it at his chest.


           As they left the house it began to rain.  At first there was a small sprinkle, then the skies burst in a roaring cloud of hail and wind.  But they persisted, "Wouldn't help to go back to the house," his Uncle yelled over the wind.  "Damn squirrel destroyed it."  They ducked their heads to protect from the barrage of hail that seemed intent on stopping them from reaching their destination.  But nature's attempt to stop them was in vain as they walked up the path to the house and as Adam reached for the door handle.  It opened.  And the wind, which had just seconds ago been going at hurricane force, stopped.  The Johnson's looked surprised for only a split second then the family rushed forward to claim their prize.


          As they entered the front door they realized that they were not alone.  A man stood there silently waiting for the family to enter.  "Why hello Mr. Cortille," said Adams dad levelly.  Hello, said Mr. Cortille, I am glad you could be our host.  "What do you mean "Host"?" said Uncle Charley as his hand slowly moved toward the old M29 laser pistol he kept in his jacket.  "Well you see," said Mr. Cortille with a flat voice.  "You now own this house, so technically you are the host and me just the man who entered without asking."  Uncles Charley's hand relaxed, but only slightly.  "You don't mind if we drip a little do you," Adams mom said, keen to change the topic.  "You wouldn't believe the storm we were just in."  "It's your house remember," said Mr. Cortille "do whatever you like."


         Mr. Cortille was a tall man, an odd man.  He seemed to look plain... almost animated, and he seemed to flicker, like his very self was being realigned every time he moved.  "So Mr. Cortille, why the hologram?"  Uncle Charley said coolly.  "Mr. Cortille is here," the hologram said in that same flat tone, "he's just in a different room, he should be here shortly."


         They explored the house with the hologram as their guide.  But this house had an eerie feel to it as though unseen eyes were watching them.  The hologram gestured towards the fireplace where a fire crackled warmly.  "Please, sit down.  Small talk is a new feature for holograms.  We may have a mind of our own."  Adam suddenly felt strange, was he making a statement?  No, he was just a program and anyways the hologram's face remained blank as it had ever been.  Nevertheless he wished he had his Uncle's laser right now.  He settled into the chair, which was very soft and warm and he finally began to relax.


         "Have you heard about the newest revolution in technology?"  The hologram said blankly.  It's said that a special computer virus was created that has a mind of it's own.  "Ya, frickin' conspiracy theorists screwing the world up with their virtual reality mumbo jumbo," his Uncle said angrily.  "Well, the program exists my creator thinks."  said the hologram.  "Who was your creator?" Asked Adam.  The hologram paused, then smiled as he faded away.


          His Uncle sensed the danger hanging thick in the air as he whipped out his pistol and aimed at the door.  "Everybody move out of the way, were getting out of this hellhole!" and he squeezed the trigger.  Nothing happened.  The hologram appeared again, "the virus is my creator, and he has a special surprise in store for you tonight, but first lets meet Mr. Cortille."  Suddenly Mr. Cortille fell from a previously unseen hole in the ceiling.  His body cold and lifeless, but his eyes were strange, oh so strange.  The pupils were seemingly full of TV static, cold and lifeless.  "He was a complete failure," said the hologram.  "My master was not able to perfect himself enough to infect him, his death was quite horrid to watch.  Watching a computer lose it's free will to a virus is painful enough, picture it happening to a man."


         Suddenly Adam's family collapsed onto the floor at his feet, they had been stuck in the back by a needle shot out of the wall.  He stared at the pile of bodies that was his family.  But it was not despair that overwhelmed him, it was anger.  "Why don't you stick me with one of those things?  Huh?  Why do you let me live?"  Sobbing furiously he turned his Uncle's head around to look at him.  His eyes were clouded with that same TV static as Mr. Cortille's had had but his Uncles face was tight with the pain of an unseen struggle and his body twitched violently.  Angry tears filled Adam's eyes.  The hologram smiled, "You will be tested of course, but you don't turn of age until 11:00 PM, until then your mind is completely immune to any attempts."  Adam looked at the clock, 10:55... the clock was ticking...


          What a cruel twist of irony it was.  When a countdown to Adam's birthday became a countdown for his death.  When he and his loving family were destroyed by the very thing that they yearned for.  And when a home became hell...


Dear Mr. Smith

      We are pleased to announce that you have won our "House Bid Giveaway."  Your new house is on 914 Westwood Lane.


Yours Sincerely,

Mr. Adam Johnson

© 2012 ewest1220


Author's Note

ewest1220
I wrote this when I was in eighth grade and would love some ideas to fix up this work. I love the idea but my writing is much more developed now and I would love your feedback! Keep in mind this is a horror story so it's a little disturbing. Any feedback you can give me is greatly appreciated!

My Review

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Featured Review

Very creepy atmosphere you've painted in this story. I won't point out the obvious missue of the words TO (TOO) and various other grammatical snafus. I'm sure you're already aware of them. This kind of reminds me of a movie I once saw entitled, "THE SENTINEL "The Sentinel is a 1977 horror film starring Chris Sarandon and Cristina Raines. It is based on the same-named novel by Jeffrey Konvitz who also co-wrote the screenplay with director Michael Winner. It is completely unrelated to the 2006 political thriller of the same name. If you haven't seen it and you like creepy movies, you should!

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Dean Kuch®

11 Years Ago

I am no means an 'expert' on the English language. However, I see this mistake so commonly made, rar.. read more
ewest1220

11 Years Ago

Well I'm glad you like my work Dean Kuch and I'm really thankful for the help.
Ash62

11 Years Ago

This is really good. I'm so impressed with you work. And i'd love if you'd read mine. I'd love a gre.. read more



Reviews

Great story telling. This did justice in the realm of getting the message across. Great message. There's lot of times where a story can have a great message to aim for, and have a lot of under lining things but then no one gets it, and if no one gets it, then the point has failed. But in my opinion this did well to get the message across. You made it clear, which is why I think it's good. Keep up the good work. What was also great was that I could imagine the story as I read it, and that is also a strong point of stories. The ability to have the reader imagine it because after all we're reading not watching it, but it was as if I was there as I read this, and that is great. Great visuals and great story telling. It had plot and substance. When you add substance to writing it gets that much better. It gets the reader hooked on it and make them feel as if they are part of it. As long as their is that emotional connection between the reader and the story then it's good.

Posted 8 Years Ago


xD wow thats kinda creepy yet funny at the same time. I found it interesting and wanting to know if there was anyway of escape. Because that would be a good book if there was...though I probably wouldn't read it cuz its horror xD

Anywho, Good Job

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ewest1220

11 Years Ago

Thanks! I'm really glad you enjoyed my work! :)
I don't know that I could give you anything to make this story anything other than the little bit of Bradbury/Huxley/King I see in it. The sci-fi thing has never been my genre truly, but there are a few who can capture my attention. That list up there is about it if you add Poe. Well, and this little ditty. Rather sweet for its horror. Impressive that it was penned by a 14 year old.
Sincerely, Mrs. Adam Johnson

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Shelley Holt-Lowrey

11 Years Ago

No I see you aren't Sci-Fi now, but every 8th grade boy pretty much is cause - well that is what is .. read more
Shelley Holt-Lowrey

11 Years Ago

I happen to be in the possession of an 8th grade boy at the present moment. (That sounded kinda cre.. read more
ewest1220

11 Years Ago

lol aww! I have a little brother who's that age he's a pain but I am the oldest so it's only natura.. read more
This was very ark and vivid i like!!!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ewest1220

11 Years Ago

Thanks!
I am not sure what to think here, very good writing skills, there were a few errors here and there, but another read through I am sure you will find them. They are simple fixes, just misspelt words.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ewest1220

11 Years Ago

lol oh ya I'm sure there's errors all over this. (Wrote in in eighth grade) I'll probably patch thi.. read more
Sarah Hitchcock

11 Years Ago

Ah that would make sense then...lol...I always find errors in my first drafts. I am currently worki.. read more
This story reminds me of one story that I read about people having to take tests for their lives. If they proved to be "too smart", they were killed. The creep factor comes into play when I realize that--with all this technology--things like this may happen for real. People probably didn't think that the novel "1984" would come to pass, either. You did very well with the sense of impending death and pointing out the irony of the protagonist's birthday.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ewest1220

11 Years Ago

Thanks! I'm really glad you liked it. However I'm not sure if I've read 1984 I'll need to look it .. read more
This is very chilling... I love it :)
The language used is very effective and the ending is awesome!
Well done ^_^

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ewest1220

11 Years Ago

Thanks! I'm really glad you liked it!
Rox Bain ☮

11 Years Ago

You're welcome ^_^
This was great! I really liked the way you tied in futuristic themes to modern day themes. If you wish to continue it, I would very much like to read it :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ewest1220

11 Years Ago

Wow thanks! I'm really glad you enjoyed this!
You were a very good writer for a eighth grade student. I like the story a lot. Birthday, new house and hope led the reader to the sad ending. I like the storyline and the surprise ending. Thank you for the excellent story.
Coyote

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ewest1220

11 Years Ago

Thanks! I'm really glad you enjoyed this and it's always a pleasure to hear from you Coyote!
kind of twilight zone-ish

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ewest1220

11 Years Ago

lol true never thought about that!

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Added on July 27, 2012
Last Updated on July 28, 2012
Tags: short stories, dark, reflective, horror

Author

ewest1220
ewest1220

Columbia Falls, MT



About
I have been writing for as long as I can remember. I have been featured in about 4 books, have won several contests for my work and currently have a paperback edition of my works. (Titled "A Winter Wa.. more..

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