Fragile

This is a true experience. This is my story.

The day was February 4th, 2012. The school bell sat against the wall, tucked away in the corner where it resided peacefully except at 7:30am and 3pm. With the disruption of the bell’s peace came the same effect on the hallways. The children poured out of the classrooms like a confused swarm of bees with no real direction. Amongst all of the chaos--was one girl, parting her way through to her locker. She had long brown hair that hit the middle of her back, blue eyes, and olive skin. Her grandpa always told her God named her Faith for a very special reason. She’d widen her eyes and lift her eyebrows as she shook her head with a crooked smile. It’s not that she didn’t believe him, she just really didn’t care. About God. Or Heaven. If it were real or not, it didn’t affect her daily life so why should it matter?

        Well, it’s about five years later now and I’m not that little middle school girl anymore but that day, February 4th, 2012 changed my life forever. I blankly stared at about six different coats I’ve slowly begun hoarding in my locker. I thought to myself,“maybe I should take these home.’  I began shoving each jacket into my backpack. I demanded the zipper from one side to the other. I struggled and fought with it until I got what I wanted. The backpack was on the verge of bursting like a hot, fresh bag of popcorn just before it’s peeled from the seams. I threw my backpack on as I walked away. It bounced off the back of my thighs, that’s how all the cool kids wore it. I flung the school doors open and stepped into the bitter cold of winter. Snow, softly falling like little diamonds from the sky. A white blanket covered the perimeter of the Earth for as far as I could see. My middle school sat on the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. Everyday, my two best friends and I climbed down one side and up another as we walked home. I gazed over the town when two familiar voices caught my attention.

        “Faith!” I looked to my left, a smile overtook me when I realized it was Kyson and Makayla. “Let’s go,” Kyson said and we headed home, side-by-side, as we always do.

“I mean I wouldn’t say you’re cool but you’re alright,” I winked at him and gave a little smirk just as easily as the sass that rolled out of my mouth. Kyson rolled his eyes as I looked over at him. He laughed at me “Shut up!” he said and gave me an innocent shove to the shoulder. And just like that, havoc awaked us. I began to lose grip from the snow beneath my feet. My once controlled step turned into a loose lunge. My stride got longer and wider. With each step, I lost more and more control to stop myself and the fate that laid ahead of me, 200 feet down, didn’t look promising. Terror overtook me and I closed my eyes. At the touch of my eyelashes against my face, my soul was sucked out of my body like a crumb wedged between the carpet as the vacuum hovered over. And just like that, I was floating in the sky, looking down at my poor, helpless body falling to its death. 

And then… something happened. The sky turned blue, the icy ground turned to a blanket of green grass, pink and purple butterflies sprouted from the soil and gracefully fluttered away. I felt no fear... just joy. It was the kind of rush that soaks up your whole body as you take your first step into mom’s kitchen and you inhale the warm, mouth watering scent of a fresh baked apple pie. 

I watched as my feet finally lost grip with the ground like a plane at take-off without wings. And to the right hand side of where my body was to fall, stood the side profile of a man. In His presence, I knew He had complete and total control. The grass spurted from roots at His breath, the butterflies called Him God and the mountains trembled in His name. He stood in a white robe. He had brown hair, loose curls that fell just to his jaw bone. A full beard framed his face. Though no words were spoken, we communicated just fine. He told me He had a very special plan for my life. He raised His forearms from the side of His body--towards me. I was falling head first but with His simple gesture, my backpack, stuffed to the brim with jackets, made a pillow for my head seconds before I hit the ground. Instead, my left knee shattered at the joint as my body crashed onto the Earth. 

I uncoiled myself, starting at the bottom of my toes all the way to the flinging pop of my head and as I peeled my eyes open, my soul was thrown back into my body. 

I didn’t have much time to think as I went to stand and noticed I was in a pool of blood. I only had one leg fully attached to my body. Everything below my left knee was hanging off like a sliced rope, held together by the last thread. I whipped my head to see the blood-curdling cries from above me. Crowds of people began to flock around and I noticed, I was stuck. Trapped in a ditch-hole of the foothills and nobody could get to me. With all of the chaos around me, I felt calm, no pain in my body. I took a breath in and Kyson jumped into the ditch. He sat me down, took the shirt off his back and wrapped it tight around my open wound to absorb the bleeding. I started to feel dizzy and wasn’t sure if I’d be able to stay awake. I just wanted a nap.

“The ambulance is on their way.” I could hear the terror in his voice. “Faith!” He started aggressively shaking my body, “Faith!”

I’m not sure what happened next. All I remember was watching a group of EMTs carrying a stretcher. The EMTs took 45 minutes before they could get to me. They kept falling while trying to climbing down the same ice covered hill. I started to wonder if they’d ever get to me. Going in and out of consciousness, I hear the EMTs yell back to one another, “We’re gonna have to go back to the truck!”  “We can’t make it down there!” “We’re gonna have to put ice cleats on before we can get to her.”

The next thing I remember is laying on the stretcher, watching each light fixture in the ceiling of the hospital fly past. Doctors and nurses, rushing beside me, pushing me through the chaos of the hallway. I hear over the speakers, “Trauma Alert. Trauma Alert. Emergency Surgery. Adolescents. Trauma Alert.” I closed my eyes.

When I woke up, there was flowers everywhere and a room full of people I loved. That day, I realized just how fragile life could be. The surgeon said I was lucky to be alive, “a miracle actually. If that backpack hadn’t of flown over your head, you would’ve hit head first and died on impact. You lost 70% of your blood before arriving to us and your lungs collapsed in surgery," the surgeon took a deep breath in, nodding at me, "but you pulled through… Somebody really wants you on this Earth.” He smiled and then, I smiled.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is a very creative & beautiful way of telling your readers about God's way without your message coming off as a bit preachy. Love the imaginative trajectory of your story, as well as how it's packed with dynamic imagery. Good job of revealing your character thru dialogue, thoughts, actions, & expository. Everything that happens feels like it belongs in this story.

In at least one place (last paragraph: "surgeon said I was lucky to be alive") -- this could be turned into actual dialogue for a more dynamic effect, perhaps (SHOWING instead of telling). Also, the basic rule of dialogue is to start a new paragraph when a different person starts talking (I think I saw dialogue from two different people in the same paragraph - 4th).

But all in all, excellent lesson in a well-crafted story!

[Coyote Poetry]

A amazing story written. You took the reader with you on a adventure with a dangerous ending. I was glad a happy ending. Thank you for sharing the powerful story.
Coyote

[Faith Knoll]

Thank you! Any changes or things I could do better?

[Coyote Poetry]

When I do the final edit. I remember to use the who, what, where, when and how of every situation. You hit on most if them in the story.

[Faith Knoll]

Awesome! Thank you!

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Miraculous story so well-written! A believable life-after-death experience. You've gone through so much and you've been so blessed through it all. You are destined for a special life as God himself told you. Keep writing and keep being courageous! Brava!

[Faith Knoll]

Thank you, Annette(:

[Madison Boggs]

So much detail , I loved reading this ! Your writing is so good

[Faith Knoll]

Thank you again!