Suffocating

some feelings I had to get out.

   Can't breathe..the walls are closing in. I yearn to feel the innocence, the taste of life again..before my lungs burst to a thousand pieces calling out your name, leaving only the debris of your vain worries engraved inside the walls. I didn't make myself like this, though I facilitated your pinicious, degrading strategems that served to satisfy your thirst, your hunger for control, an opportunity to "honor" me with what you held paramount. Did you ever step back from your incessant, unwelcome counsel to stop and think that I might know what is wise and right for ME? 

Author's Note

I know this isn't in the right form, and there are probably grammar errors, but other than that, how is it?

Reviews

[Stephen]

Umm .. again I find many memoirs of your life in this precious write. Short but much worthy!! You know what? As far as I knew after reading your some stuffs, Your every poem I browsed to read`s written in a gap of ONE-YEAR.. PROBABLY... isn`t it? And I find this write`s written in 2009!! Whoa!! Sounds so fascinating!! 2009?? Are ya kidding me? What the hell is that .. i`m reading this in 2014. Whao!! What a great honor to read this write. I`m pleased to be on your pages, honey. You`re awesome!! Umm.. but Awesome? Really? I don`t think, what makes you awesome ... Is that .. writing stuffs in a gap of one year?? *Wink* .. May be yeah .. lol *Smiling*

Anyway ... you should write some more writes .. I love the way you plot your themes using some extraordinary words ... Great job, Sweety!! ;)

[Kristen Swan]

:D Lol yeah I have more of my writing on my tablet, but haven't posted several of them anywhere yet. I don't keep up with this site much. I should post on here more

[Stephen]

Lol .. yeah .. me too don`t upload my much stuffs over the web but i`ve bunches of stuffs in my folders .. I think, our thinking`s quiet similar .. isn`t it? *Wink* .. Oh whao .. you gonna post your some more stuffs? Cool. Sounds crazy awesome! Hey .. I hope to read your some new stuffs soon .. i`d try to read as long as i`m over here ;)

All the very best for your upcoming new beautiful writes! ;)

[Kristen Swan]

It does seem similar. Yeah, I'm going to post more. Looking forward to reading some of your stuff.
I wish the best for you too :)

[Bethany]

Wow. Perfect choice of language.
I like the form like this. It may be unconventional but it fits the mood. Perfect.
Can't wait to read more of yours.

[Kristen Swan]

Thanks so much! I've been busy with college but I hope to post more soon, especially after this semester.

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

I like this prose there is a lot of heavy calm emotion portrayed

[Kristen Swan]

Thank you!

[Mary Bradley]

Congratulation for your winning poem !
It's short and powerful piece .

[Kristen Swan]

Thank you! I couldn't believe it. :)

[DoormanDan]

This poem is very strong; the words you used really generate a very awesome atmosphere to this piece. Great job! :)

[Kristen Swan]

I was hoping for that. Thanks! I really appreciate it.

[Blogger]

Damn! This is a statement of SELF isnt it? Good for you. Controlling people piss me off.

[Kristen Swan]

Lol yes it is definately from my own experiences. Sorry for the late response...controlling people really annoy me too! Can't stand it.

[dieuxsansculte]

Below I've taken your words and put them into the form of how I would have written them to be a poem. The words that are in brackets [] are ones where I have corrected the spelling.

I hope the revisions meet your approval. I think the words form a powerful message, and someone really ought to be listening more closely to you.

"I can't breathe...
the walls are closing in.

I yearn to feel the innocence,
the taste of life again
before my lungs burst
to a thousand pieces
calling out your name,
leaving only the debris
of your vain worries
engraved inside the walls.

I didn't make myself like this,
though I facilitated your [pernicious],
degrading [stratagems]
that served to satisfy your thirst,
your hunger for control,
an opportunity to "honor" me
with what you held paramount.

Did you ever step back
from your incessant, unwelcome counsel
to stop and think that I might know
what is wise and right for ME?"

[Jason]

This is a truly beautiful work of art. A great display of emotion and passion through written word. You display a great deal of your emotion and soul through this and truly capture the passion of the moment through true whole hearted understanding. This, is one I have truly enjoyed reading...and am glad you decided to share this with the world. Thank you. :)

Sincerely,

Jay

[[untitled]]

It may have been short, but the message was very clear. It's very relatable in many ways and yet kept slightly vague, which causes the reader to recall a moment where they felt the exact same way.

"Did you ever step back from your incessant, unwanted counsel to stop and think that I might know what is wise and right for ME"

- by far the best part, but by no means was everything else lacking. When I go back and reread the entire thing it makes it makes me think even more about certain events throughout my life. I'm sure once others start to read it, they'll feel the same way.

I'll be interested in seeing what else you may post so feel free to share them with me.