The Remnants of November

Thoughts about life, failure, dreams poem, soliloquey

In the ashes of November
Lie the remnants of the day
Circumspection paints my sorrows
In multi-shades of grey
Plagued by indecision
Immediacy fades away
Withdrawing into my prison
There’s a little game I play
I look out my dirty window and
To myself I say:

I’m counting all the leaves
Still hanging on the trees
I’m counting every crow that flies
On Autumn’s dying breeze
I’m counting every face that passes 
Reflecting the face of fear
I’m counting all the times I’ve wished
I was any place but here

In the ashes of November
Lies a somber pall of loss
Sorrow shrouds me in a mantle
Far colder than the frost
Burdened by indecision
(and my un-forgiven sins)
Hope is a bitter serenade
Carried on prevailing winds

...believe... they whisper to me
Believe...believe...(they beg)
I look out my dirty window
And to myself I say:

I’m counting all the leaves
Still hanging on the trees
I’m counting every crow that flies
On autumn's dying breeze
I’m counting every face that passes 
Reflecting the face of fear
I’m counting all the times I’ve wished
I was any place but here


My hopes are rusted trophies
Shelved on this prison's wall
I won't believe
I don't believe
I can't believe at all

Reviews

[emipoemi]

¡In-cre-í-ble! Fan-tas-tique! Every bit of it, especially the refrain. It's solemn and profound and really captures the dying world amidst the charms of Autumn, and the indecisiveness and sorrow that accompany it. I'm not feeling that last stanza, however. It doesn't really add much to the magic that you already weaved throughout the poem, and it just feels off, particularly compared to the sublime down beat that reverberates after that last "I was any place but here". I would suggest to either find a way to incorporate it elsewhere in the poem or to scratch it altogether, for the poem is brilliant without it. Absolutely outstanding! Well done!

[felioness]

Thank you for your wonderful review. I will consider your recommendation and appreciate your imput!

[transentience]

Indecision is a curse, indeed. Behind it though, at least, lies a depth of thoughtfulness and attention to detail others neglect through their actions. Being able to make more, important decisions, usually means experiencing situations that force them from you.

Your piece is superb in describing the circular nature and thoughts which circumvent indecisiveness and its sorrow. The mind is a prison that keeps our thoughts from becoming our actions, like no one ever showed us how to be free, even though we've always been.

Anyway, thanks for writing this. Keep breaking these words out from your cell, they're very good~

[felioness]

Thanks for the read and thoughtful comment...very appreciated.

[Tom]

Insecurity is contemptible trait that plagues and eats away at the soul, but, every princess is fated to kiss many frogs before eventually finding her Prince!

Though the subject matter is forlorn and infused with regret tying in appropriately with bleak November imagery, this is a creative write, flows with rhythm and rhyme to pleasing effect!

[felioness]

Thanks for the read ... very appreciated.

[felioness]

Thank you ...very appreciated.

[Gee]

Loved this. I'm a fan of rhyming verse and have to say this is one of the better poems that I have read on this site

[felioness]

Why thank you so much for your kind andencouraging l words!

[Jackie]

This for me was very interesting. Just trying to visualize as i read through every line. Wonderful poem. Hope to see more from you.

[felioness]

Thanks for the read and encouragement!