A Nightly Whisper

A Nightly Whisper

A Story by Richard McLin
"

Man gets more than he bargained for walking home from work.

"


The dark came to the world, and in this he felt at home. It was around midnight and work had exhausted him to the point where only something supernatural was keeping him upright. Street lights working as his guide home all he was thinking about was bed, sleep, and the fact he would probably have to do all of this again the next day.

Come to Me, come Samuel.”

The mysterious whisper came from the darkness. He looked around in a bit of a rush and could find not another living thing. As he continued he spotted a bar called, “The Midnight Bar & Grill” and somehow felt compelled to go inside.

What the hell am I doing? I should be going home right now.

He walked over there, and entered the bar. Inside it was very quiet. A jukebox was playing, but the volume was down low, and the entire place was dim in both lighting and mood. He slowing moved and sat down at the bar.

“Pick your poison my weary traveler.” Greeted the bartender.

“Beer please.”

He vanished, and Samuel looked around his surroundings, and that is when he saw her. The minute he saw her he felt something, a feeling he hadn't had in some time. He decided to try to ignore it, and just wait for his beer.

“Your new here aren't you?” Came a beautifully feminine voice.

He looked to his left to find her. She was tall, pale with vibrant red hair. Something about her felt hypnotic, and again the whisper voiced in his ear.

I'm here, come to me, don't fight.

He noticed that it was not coming from her, and also realized it had been some time since she spoke.

“Yes, I work near here and just found it on the way home. I take it your not.”

“No,” She laughed, “I come here quite often, I work here. I'm off now but just don't feel up to going home at the moment. Now I'm glad I haven't”

This time he did the smiling. This woman was great, sexy and not at all shy. Her hand found it's way to his leg.

“I've had a long day and could use to unwind.” She said with a sly smile.

Don't fight it Samuel. It's been so long.

“It has been a long day. I could use some, unwinding myself.”

Samuel flipped around and took his beer. He drank it in about three drinks, dropped ten dollars down, and followed her out of the bar. As they stepped out she turned quickly around and attacked him with her lips. He wrapped his arms around her quickly as he explored her mouth with is tongue.

Her hands were on his back, and his moved down low till they were on her well past her lower back. He lifted her up, hands planted on her a*s firmly, as her legs hugged his frame. He placed her back against the wall of the bar, and this continued for ten, twenty minutes.

“Lets go to my place, now!” She moaned in his ear.

It took them five minutes to get to her place in her car. It took even less time for them to get up to her four story apartment. He sat on the couch as she slid into the bedroom.

Are you ready for me, no fighting it for long?

Ignoring the whisper was getting harder, and he knew deep down he was not going to be able to for much longer. He wanted her badly, and could still taste and feel her. The thought of being with her, inside of her was over clouding the thoughts of the whisper.

“Are you ready, I'm here, you need to come to me.” She called to him

He stood up slowly, and walked over to her, undressing as he went. She was now wearing a very thin, and see through black lingerie. He finally reached her and pushed her onto the bed. She seemed to like the bit of forcefulness and he was ready for a great evening. All the weariness of the work day had vanished. He tore her lingerie away quickly and began kissing up and down her body.

It's coming, you can feel it now stronger than before.

She rolled him over and straddled him. He loved the view of her on top of him slowing grinding into him. She leaned down and kissed him deep. He began kissing her neck, and then could feel something happening, something he could no longer fight. From his mouth emerged the fangs, his ancestors would be proud that he was finally realizing who he was.

Finally it's time. Do it, it's what she really wants. She sensed who you were.

He plunged his fangs into her neck, and, while still making love, began to slowly suck her life force from her. He could feel the warm liquid entering his body, like liquid Jesus purging him of his days sins. She did nothing to really fight it, and slowly oozed into submission.

Removing his fangs he body fell limp to the bed. He pale skin looked beautiful with the blood on it in contrast.

“I didn't even know her name.”


© 2012 Richard McLin



Author's Note

Richard McLin
First short story in some time. Hope you all enjoy.

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Featured Review

Some stories don't need a lot of description, maybe only the female, but tall, vibrant red hair and pale is sufficient given the way the story is told.
Some word changes, just a few:
"He walked over there" Didn't say whether it was across the street or anything, so maybe he approached the small establishment...something to that effect.
"He slowing moved" He slowly moved?
" Now I'm glad I haven't” Now, I'm glad I didn't?
"could use to unwind" Could stand to unwind? Need to unwind?
These are small issues and do not detract from the story.
Well done, I look forward to reading more of your work.


Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Some stories don't need a lot of description, maybe only the female, but tall, vibrant red hair and pale is sufficient given the way the story is told.
Some word changes, just a few:
"He walked over there" Didn't say whether it was across the street or anything, so maybe he approached the small establishment...something to that effect.
"He slowing moved" He slowly moved?
" Now I'm glad I haven't” Now, I'm glad I didn't?
"could use to unwind" Could stand to unwind? Need to unwind?
These are small issues and do not detract from the story.
Well done, I look forward to reading more of your work.


Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

You have an intriguing story here with an interesting plot twist. The main thing that I would love to see more of, and I think would really enrich the piece, is description. What do Samuel and the woman look like? Describing the atmosphere in the bar might give the reader an idea of why Samuel picked that particular woman over anyone else.
The reader wants to be invested in the story but they can't if they don't know anything about the characters.
This story has great potential. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Posted 5 Months Ago


Some really nice dialogue! You're able to deliver a lot of information for how sparing you were with your words.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Interesting story. Well penned

Posted 3 Years Ago


You've managed to tell quite the tawdry terror tale, my friend. You've certainly mastered the concept of 'the coup de gras' as far as the ending goes. That caught me a bit off guard, I must admit. I knew as soon as Samuel entered the bar and began speaking to the alluring, beautiful pale woman, that a vampire was involved. But, you led us down a deceptive path wonderfully, making him the vamp, rather than she. That's the trademark of a great storyteller. Set 'em up, then deliver the death blow!
Well done...

Posted 4 Years Ago


I really liked this, I was so not expecting the ending, it came out of nowhere and I enjoyed that, awesome.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Ah, I love vampire stories. Apparently, it is what I want ;) You took me by surprise with the shocking ending.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Nicely executed! I'm giving 100 daisies. Can I make a suggestion, though? In the beginning....it may work better to use a phrase such as "close to midnight" as opposed to "around midnight". It lends to a more mature writing adherence. Instead of "he walked over there" perhaps "he walked over to the bar and entered through the front (or wherever he entered)" ... avoid using phrases such as "in about" or words like "really" . When he kissed her deep...take your time to describe what this felt like....what does deep mean? Was it long and hard on the lips? Was it slow....and passionate? "It's what she really wants...." At this juncture, its a force of animalistic desire...."It's what she wants! Take her!" He is fighting within himself and the force is winning...

Just a few suggestions...EXCELLENT STORY

Posted 5 Years Ago


I love it! You created great tension and undertones in this which kept me reading unitl the end! All i would say is go over the final paragraph, i think a few of the 'he's should be 'her's! But apart from that, excellent!

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on October 24, 2012
Last Updated on October 24, 2012
Tags: Vampire, sex, walking, night, midnight

Author

Richard McLin
Richard McLin

Salem, OR



About
I have been writing ever since I can remember. I can't live and not write, it's as essential as breath. more..

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