Young Love

Young Love

A Poem by Richard McLin
"

We follow a man though his journey of love and loss.

"


I.


I danced with her in elementary school.
Pulled her hair, and called her stupid.
This made her cry, and made her sad.
Isn't that love at that age?

II.


Middle School and things change.
Sex becomes a word you want to learn.
Dances are back, just more mature.
She remembers Elementary, and not fondly.

III.


Summer vacation before High School.
Fourth of July is spectacular.
She sneaks a kiss, and passes a note.
Isn't that love at that age?

IV.


High School is great, we are inseparable.
Our hands become one, as do our bodies.
Late one Sophomore party, it goes all they way. 
She says it was perfect.

V.


End of Sophomore and of innocence.
Tells me she's late, and she's scarred.
I tell her that I'm here for her.
Isn't that love at that age?

VI.

Senior year, and the final year.
We pass like ships in the night.
After the operation, more died that night than expected.
We had been inseparable.

VII.

Summer Vacation before college.
The Fourth of July seems somewhat faded now.
She spies me, and walks away with another.
Isn't that love at that age?

VIII.


College is school, sports, and girls.
I discover needles are filled with memory killers.
I decided to partake.
Pain is no longer something I remember.

IX.


I find a woman who has some new stuff.
She reminds me of a girl I danced with.
We join each other in a drugged orgy.
Isn't that love at that age?

X.


I discover the woman was unclean.
The disease swims through my blood.
Memories come swirling back.
I remember Fourth of July.

XI.


The hospital lights are bright, and hurting.
My family is around me.
I see in the crowd a woman I used to know.
Isn't that love at that age?


© 2012 Richard McLin



Author's Note

Richard McLin
First poem in some time. Follows similar track as a previous poem of mine called "Journey through my Psyche". Hope you enjoy it.

My Review

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Featured Review

I love the idea the sentiments, imagery and the structure .. in general a great effort ... but honestly? in 4 & 5 you have minor grammar mistakes that detract and the there is something about the way it reads that is disjointed.. some of the verses would benefit from reworking them a little.
I wouldn't be bothered to write this if I thought it wasn't good, but it could be so much better with a little work more tweaking... Sorry.... but I am being sincere not mean.


Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard McLin

3 Months Ago

I'll see what I can do about those changes. Thank you.



Reviews

I really enjoy your writing and this one adds my respect for your words. Loved they way it is structured. Hat's off.

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard McLin

2 Months Ago

Very high praise. Thank you very much.
A life in 44 lines. Well done! I really enjoyed it. 🙂 Def got my vote in the contest.

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard McLin

2 Months Ago

Thank you for your review, and vote.
nothing is free and things have a way of coming full circle. live and learn as they say. an eye-opening trip down memory lane. i like the tenderness of this while keeping it real. what i most like is how it captures the stages of life.

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard McLin

3 Months Ago

Thank you for the review. IT's one of my favorite pieces.
I love the idea the sentiments, imagery and the structure .. in general a great effort ... but honestly? in 4 & 5 you have minor grammar mistakes that detract and the there is something about the way it reads that is disjointed.. some of the verses would benefit from reworking them a little.
I wouldn't be bothered to write this if I thought it wasn't good, but it could be so much better with a little work more tweaking... Sorry.... but I am being sincere not mean.


Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard McLin

3 Months Ago

I'll see what I can do about those changes. Thank you.
Oh the taste of young love and the blindness of the flesh, experience can be dangerous but the lessons learnt lead to the price we pay...we live and learn, hopefully not regretting, very captivating gets the readers attention🌹

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard McLin

3 Months Ago

Thank you for the review, it's a very special piece for me. Got me out of my poetry slump.
-R.. read more
Rose Petal🌹

3 Months Ago

Well that’s wonderful news I’m glad for you 🌹
Nice chronicle of human tragedy and comedy.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard McLin

4 Months Ago

Thank you for the review.
-Richard
Ok...Tragic...I am speechless and have no idea what to comment. How do you do this? Keep the reader captivated? How do you create such unexpected twists? I take off my hat at you great sir.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard McLin

4 Months Ago

Thank you for the very kind review. Was both an easy and hard piece to write. It came personal exper.. read more
Paulinette

4 Months Ago

Sometimes that is life and not all stories can't have a happy ending.
Richard McLin

4 Months Ago

Very true.
Sad poem. I never went through any of these stages of life.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard McLin

4 Months Ago

Well that's both good and bad. Thank you for the review. I really appreciate it.
-Richard
Diane

4 Months Ago

You are welcome
This is one powerful poem and well worth the read.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard McLin

4 Months Ago

Thank you very much. It's one of my best poems in my opinion. Thank you again.
-Richard
Your best work I think well done

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Richard McLin

4 Months Ago

Thank you for the review. It's a piece I'm very proud of.
-Richard

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Added on November 26, 2012
Last Updated on November 26, 2012
Tags: Love, school, high, middle, fourth, of, july, drugs, epic, poetry, Hospitals, Young

Author

Richard McLin
Richard McLin

Salem, OR



About
I have been writing ever since I can remember. I can't live and not write, it's as essential as breath. more..

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