A passing memory

 

Between the air of

The blades of grass

And the scattered stars

Lay our memory

The memory of moments

Once shared

 

The lake is silent and

Gently wades with the dock

The ripples reflects broken images

Of the sun

And of the pain

Of when she was here

And her love remained

 

I can still see her

As I look into the water-

Her hair

Her body

Her life

Remains

at the bottom

Author's Note

;) gotcha again...

Reviews

[Kara Emily Krantz]

heyyyy i actually really liked this one (for one of your morbid pieces) - i didn't find it to be cliche at all, and it still caught me, and not in a way that makes you hate the narrator, since it's still left open to interpretation about what happened

"Between the air of
The blades of grass
And the scattered stars
Lay our memory"

that is gorgeous. i loved it. actually, it could even do without the last two lines after this, since they're sort of repetitive and not as uniquely put


"The ripples reflects broken images
Of the sun
And of the pain
Of when she was here
And her love remained"

that is gorgeous and heartbreaking. the ripples and the imagery is just great

"I can still see her
As I look into the water-
Her hair
Her body
Her life
Remains
at the bottom"

really intense - the starkness of this image compared to the lush beauty of earlier images in the piece works really well.
this might be one of my favorites of yours so far :)

[WoFer]

hummm interesting, little better than most of the lost love poems. Well done...

[Mercury Mirrors]

Nice twist o.o Caught me totally off guard XD.

[Forest Green]

You sure did, buddy...! One line that sunk (or sank) the heart like a stone...;)

Very good...the picture matched perfectly. You've got an excellent flair for the whimsical elements of life.

Excellent!

Daniel

[Midnight Rose ~*Anna Ro..]

I loved the twist in this. Great imagery in the beginning.


Awesome write.

[chris' girlfriend]

you did it again ^_^
so creative!!!

[BelieveInCelia]

Yep...got me!
I liked it...you took me there...into the moment...a little eerie, though! :)
Celia

[Sarah]

Wow, what a powerful poem. I loved the twist at the end, very creepy & yet beautiful. =o Imagery was great too, I just really really loved this!!!

[Wildfleour]

You do love to shock us with the creepy "guy".....smile...

Great poem.

[lilain]

Ooo, that is eerie. I love the build up and the imagery... I can see and feel the scene you create, but the ending is well done (shocking).

Nice job.