The night

 

You had too much to drink

That night

So I took your keys

Drove you home

And I carried you through

The threshold

You smiled at me with glazed eyes

And to no one’s surprise

You had trouble walking

And talking…

 

“But it’s ok” she said

I’m laying next to you, in this bed

And it was alright, I said

Having you beside me

Silly and drunk

Hearing you rambling on and on

In the middle of the night

(Now please hun, shut off the light!)

 

“Goodnight love” I whispered

As I tucked her in

And kissed her

Square on her drunken chin

 

But these thoughts

-Only dreams

The night

She had too much to drink

Because

It was also the night

That I

Didn’t take the keys

 

Reviews

[Blade & Blood (The ..]

Wow, I love how you always write about somewhat romantic or tranquilizing settings, only to fool me with a sad ending. You're way too good; you get me all the time! AAARRRGGHH! I'm gonna get you for this. LOL!

This is simply an excellent poem. You're always coming up with these interesting and unique storylines, I swear. :P

lol Great Job!

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood

[Janice Ann]

Oh how sad this has made me...but it is so true when we wish we can change something our minds can shift and make us believe we have...but we always venture back to reality! I loved this piece.

Thanks for sharing!
Janice Ann

[Suki]

I like this... like Emily I am also amazed at the human ability to manufacture an alternate reality. I do it too- A LOT. I like to imagine that Im a rockstar that drives a really nice motorcycle... or that I have one of those cars from the fast and the furious... It doesn't hurt to dream.... : D Nice Write

[Emily B]

I am always amazed at the human ability to manufacture an alternate reality. To focus on the what might have been to the point that it seems more real than the actuality.

That last line hit me hard. I didn't see it coming.

[dorothy_parker12]

this is beautifully written
the rhyme scheme irritates me a little because you rhyme for a few stanzas, and then you don't. but i think the writing is very good, and it was very nicely written. Good Job!

[Kara Emily Krantz]

awww... yes there is definite an aura of sweetness here. however, until i read the other reviews, i really hadn't gotten that feeling of loss - is it supposed to be assumed that she died, partly bc you didn't take her keys? because it sort of reads that you merely didn't get your sweet night with her... just something to think about.

it rambles a little -in the way it's set up - i think you could edit this and tighten it up a bit, but that's only me trying to be constructive because i actually really like this piece - i just think it's one of those that needs to be edited (we all write those)... but i really like it... was this the one you had the dream about? the one you wanted to make a short story out of? because that's a fantastic idea :)

hugs

[lilain]

Oh, oh! This was like a dagger in my heart. I can still feel the pang of grief and chill of goosebumps. Well done - you've created a beautiful scene and broke the readers heart with the end. *wipes tears...*

[Seriana]

Dangit Jason!! I'm with Lizz on this one. :( Very nice write, but so sad. :(

[Mercury Mirrors]

Zomg you made me cry a lil. Now if that isn't talent, I don't know what is XD. nice job =[ So sad at the end though.