Story Of Her Life

Story Of Her Life

A Story by Zoe

    As everyday, she woke up to the sound of the chirping birds. Monday had, shamelessly, shown up again. She walked herself to the bathroom; came out within minutes, dressed in the most presentable way. She picked up her school bag and slipped out of the house. 
    As everyday, she walked down the same lane and observed the same things around her. How the sun slowly rose, how the professionals scampered to their work places, how the heap of garbage by the pavement, that had been there since the previous week, lay reeking; and all she could conclude was that everyone was way too busy to take out time for anyone but themselves.
    As everyday, she sat in the lone corner of her classroom and quietly did her work. Loud chatter filled the room and she tried hard to keep her annoyance to herself. She saw the teacher enter the classroom; test papers from the day before tightly clutched in her hands. In no time the teacher started returning the papers: 
"Marie. Full marks, as always. Well done." The teacher said to the most 'intelligent' student of the class. 
"Carl. You really need to pull up your socks." 
Sitting in the quiet corner, she had a feeling she saw Marie throw glances at Carl's ankles. Intelligence at its peak.
    As everyday, she set for home after her day at school; a day completely void of interactions. She clenched the left-over money from the lunch that day in her hand. As she rounded the corner onto the street towards her house, she saw the same aged beggar sitting under the hazel tree. She approached him, and tenderly placed the money in his hands; paused for a moment, radiating a smile, and also getting a smile in return, she then continued on her way back home. 
    As everyday, she provided a helping hand to her mom in the kitchen; scattered bird seeds in the yard as a treat for the birds who proved to be her alarm clock; helped her younger brother with his homework; made sure her room was tidy and then sat down at the study table to complete her assignments. 
    As every night, she made her way out of the bathroom, having tried hard to erase the impression of the wept tears from her face, and onto the abandoned street. The stars shone bright; her wet eyes glittered like diamonds. The stars were her only inspiration; how easily they lightened up even the darkest of nights. The fact that the stars really existed, and that no one's story in this world dies untold, gave her a reason to live. And she continued walking, with her lips somewhat curved into a smile, under the galaxy of stars; soon disappearing into the darkness of the night...

© 2018 Zoe



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• As everyday, she woke up to the sound of the chirping birds. Monday had, shamelessly, shown up again. She walked herself to the bathroom; came out within minutes, dressed in the most presentable way. She picked up her school bag and slipped out of the house.

Every morning the reader does some variation of this. I certainly so. So why would I want to read that someone else did the same? We read fiction to be entertained, not informed. So what's entertaining about this? Nothing.

This piece is fact-based and author-centric. A narrator who I can neither see nor hear talks about a series of mundane events involving a girl who is not important enough to receive a name. At no time do we learn how this girl reacts to events. We learn nothing about her goals and her reaction to events. And that raises a question: What is it about this person that makes a reader care?

You hint, at the end, that she's unhappy about unknown things, cries for unknown reasons, and is somehow comforted by looking at the stars. But you never make it real or immediate. You give her no problems to solve, no goals to reach, and no needs to be met.

Simply put: Story happens, it's not talked about. And it happens in real-time, never in overview. The reader isn't looking to know. They want to feel. Were you writing a horror story the reader isn't looking to learn that the protagonist feels terror. They want you to terrorize them.

So drop a body through the ceiling. Set the place on fire. Give your protagonist a problem that MUST be solved, then make it impossible to solve. Torment them and drive them to reach deep inside to find the strength to achieve the impossible. Force them to grow and change, and to become more than they knew they could. Make them INTERESTING.



Posted 6 Months Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

6 Months Ago

Thank you for your time and review. I appreciate it.
This comment has been deleted by the poster.



Reviews

Firstly Zoe, I would like to say that the comments which JayG has made are very very funny. One in particular - he want's the reader to be entertained. Let me tell you something - his books ARE NOT entertaining, I have read a FEW pages of one and was NOT entertained. BORED is the word I would use.

So on with my review.

This piece has given me an insight into a woman/girls life who as you have clearly shown leads a different life to us all. I am sure that a good majority of the population have watched those 'camera on the wall' and have become fascinated to see what the character does next, or how it reacts when a problem is put in its way. I personally don't watch any of those shows, but I do understand why people find it interesting and are compelled to watch the next episode to see what happens next. So this piece which you have put out isn't ordinary - you can build upon it and make 'day 2' a little different. What I mean by this is that after dark bad things in her mind start to happen and then she starts to play them out. It's just a suggestion but I am sure you can see my trail of thought.

The writing itself is faultless as I have now come to expect from yourself. The piece moved seemlessly from dawn to dusk. To do this is such a short coverage of paragraphs has a lot of respect from me. Thereason why I say this is because I LOVE going into details and struggle to do anything without giving the reader a detailed view of what I am trying to put over to them. So for you to manage to do this, (covering a whole day and part of the night) is in my eyes, really, really impressive. I have to say that the ending was pretty damn cool, it gave m a sense that the woman/girl was TOTALLY relexed - BUT here's where my crazy bit comes in again - that smile which speads across her face can turn into an evil grin. The rest Zoe, should you choose to accept it.....you know me to well to know where I'm going with this for me to spell it out.

Your writing - LOVED IT. It has made me think of many, many different things.
Structure - Nothing wrong with it. Solid, flowed well and kept my attention, simply because of me reading between the lines.


Mark.



Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

1 Month Ago

Thank you for the detailed and encouraging review, Mr.Mark! This isn't one of my best pieces, i wrot.. read more
An exquisite piece of writing with great messages near the end. Loved this !

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

6 Months Ago

Thank you so much, Suhd! I appreciate it.
I think this has an equivalent in psychology in the term 'the banality of evil' - many serial killers led the most mundane lives except when they doing their evil deeds and as for all things - Yin and Yang - why shouldn't there be a 'banality of good'. At least that's how this spoke to me Zoe.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

6 Months Ago

Ah, some great psychology applied here. Thank you for your time and review, Tony. I appreciate it!
As every writings of yours this one was also a powerful visual experiance for the readers that too with really heart touching endings . . i could feel the poetic touch in your story which is really a plus point for this beautiful work . . thnx for sharing

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

6 Months Ago

Thank you, Pravir, for your time and review. Glad you could feel it!
This has an autobiographical tone to me, Zoe.

You did a very good job at illustrating the 'sameness' and monotony of our daily lives. For the most part we easily get caught up in the mundane aspects of modern living and lose sight of those things we enjoy that make us truly feel alive.

I can relate to several aspects of this story and i enjoyed how this character, who is having an existential crisis of her own, still manages to be self less and kind and puts others before herself. Something that is becoming very uncommon in this increasingly self absorbed world.

For a short piece your story is well written as ever. Not intended to completely round out all the story arc, but to make the reader think between the synapses.

Another finely written piece, Zoe. Well Done.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

6 Months Ago

They're real tasty. Lol
Doodley

6 Months Ago

Hahaha! The vegetarians are outraged!!
Zoe

6 Months Ago

Oops. My bad! ;P
Simply fantastic! love it!

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

6 Months Ago

Why thank you!
Luis F Zambrano

6 Months Ago

It is my pleasure.
This was a beautiful read. The unimportance untold stories because it's not interesting to the world.
The unnamed girl doing uninteresting chores having perhaps some understanding of life no one cares to hear. Lovely.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

6 Months Ago

A spot on interpretation. I thank you for reading the piece. Appreciated!
aine

6 Months Ago

Pleasure. :)
wonderfully written Zoe...describing everything that's present in our day to day life....so well portrayed the environment along with the story.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

6 Months Ago

Thank you, Priyanshi. I appreciate your feedback.
Priyanshi

6 Months Ago

Always a pleasure
• As everyday, she woke up to the sound of the chirping birds. Monday had, shamelessly, shown up again. She walked herself to the bathroom; came out within minutes, dressed in the most presentable way. She picked up her school bag and slipped out of the house.

Every morning the reader does some variation of this. I certainly so. So why would I want to read that someone else did the same? We read fiction to be entertained, not informed. So what's entertaining about this? Nothing.

This piece is fact-based and author-centric. A narrator who I can neither see nor hear talks about a series of mundane events involving a girl who is not important enough to receive a name. At no time do we learn how this girl reacts to events. We learn nothing about her goals and her reaction to events. And that raises a question: What is it about this person that makes a reader care?

You hint, at the end, that she's unhappy about unknown things, cries for unknown reasons, and is somehow comforted by looking at the stars. But you never make it real or immediate. You give her no problems to solve, no goals to reach, and no needs to be met.

Simply put: Story happens, it's not talked about. And it happens in real-time, never in overview. The reader isn't looking to know. They want to feel. Were you writing a horror story the reader isn't looking to learn that the protagonist feels terror. They want you to terrorize them.

So drop a body through the ceiling. Set the place on fire. Give your protagonist a problem that MUST be solved, then make it impossible to solve. Torment them and drive them to reach deep inside to find the strength to achieve the impossible. Force them to grow and change, and to become more than they knew they could. Make them INTERESTING.



Posted 6 Months Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

6 Months Ago

Thank you for your time and review. I appreciate it.
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Life does has a way of becoming monotonous. It's easy to fall into a rut and not have to reason to keep going. I like the way you show your message, and I like that the story ends on an optimistic note. Very well done.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

6 Months Ago

Thank you for your kind words, Clifford. I appreciate it!

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Added on October 28, 2017
Last Updated on January 29, 2018

Author

Zoe
Zoe

India



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