A Beautiful Revenge

A Beautiful Revenge

A Poem by Zoe

A widow full of vanity,
Was the identity of Mrs.Cole.
Who from her late husband,
Inherited his fortune whole.

Living in a huge bungalow,
With servants at her feet.
Oh what a narcissist she was,
A total beauty freak!

And once it so happened,
Her make-up-kit vanished.
Accused a servant of the crime,
Whom she straightaway banished.

Years passed the same way,
She didn't change a bit.
While the dismissed attendant,
Plans of revenge he knit.

Ready to take some action,
To his family he bid goodbye.
Set for the widow's house,
An eye for an eye.

He stood outside the bungalow,
Under the moonless night.
Placed a ladder against the wall,
Fire of revenge did ignite.

Climbed up quietly and prudently,
With a knife tightly clutched.
Joy bubbled inside him,
As her room's window he touched.

On seeing her former servant,
Mrs.Cole gave a loud cry.
Then shouted in a squeaky tone,
"Oh my, Oh my!"

The predator inched closer,
Flaunting the sharp knife.
"Stop!" said the widow,
The deceased Mr.Cole's wife.

"Move forward another step?"
She continued, "Don't you dare!
Kill me only when,
I'm done settling my hair."


© 2017 Zoe



Author's Note

Zoe
Nonsense, maybe.

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Featured Review

Zoe, I love it. While it seems a bit too dramatic until the end, it absolutely works in this poem. "A beautiful revenge" is perhaps exacted upon the would-be killer when interrupted again by the woman, still full of vanity, even near death. Nice work!

Posted 5 Days Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

5 Days Ago

Thank you much, Mr.Ray. I appreciate it! :)



Reviews

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Gee
Enjoyed the tale, for me though Zoe the cadence was off in places.

Posted 4 Days Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

4 Days Ago

No doubt, it was. I'll see to it. Thank you, Gee. Appreciated! :)
Gee

4 Days Ago

My pleasure
This is so good a satire. Liked it a lot. Keep 'em coming this way.

Posted 4 Days Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

4 Days Ago

I sure will. Thank you so much, Suhd! :)
Poetic stories are always interesting. this was very well written, and i cannot wait to see what more you have in that mind of yours. at age 14, don't let the world hinder your writing; keep writing and keep improving and never be afraid to write what you want to write, need to write, and just fancy writing. :)

Posted 4 Days Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

4 Days Ago

Thank you much for the motivation. I really appreciate it! :)
J. B.

4 Days Ago

absolutely. check out some of my stuff if you could when you get a chance to :)
Zoe

4 Days Ago

I sure will! :)
"A widow full of vanity,
Was the identity of Mrs.Cole.
Who from her late husband,
Inherited his fortune whole. " - I noticed that each line is a new sentence. Often times I find that it's not intentional. If not, it might serve you well to go through and make sure that there are only capitols where you intend a new sentence to be since it effects the way the piece is read and interpreted. Otherwise, I really enjoy the flow and tone thus far.

"Living in a huge bungalow,
With servants at her feet.
Oh what a narcissist she was,
A total beauty freak! " - again, you have a good rhythm going here, it's very interesting.

"Years passed the same way,
She didn't even change a bit.
While the dismissed attendant,
Plans of revenge he knit." - Just a personal nit-pick, I would remove 'even' as I felt that it interrupted the flow a little bit.

"He stood outside the bungalow,
Under the moonless night.
Placed a ladder against the wall,
Fire of revenge did ignite." - 'moonless night' is a great description setup for violence. I loved that.

"Climbed up quietly and prudently,
With a knife tightly clutched.
Joy bubbled inside him,
As her room's window he touched." - Very good word choice. I love the images you've set up and the story so far. It almost sounds like a dark nursery rhyme.

"The predator inched closer,
Flaunting the sharp knife.
"Stop!" said the widow,
The deceased Mr.Cole's wife." - Again, I love your descriptions. 'Predator' is a great word.

""Move forward another step?"
She continued, "Don't you dare!
Kill me only when,
I'm done settling my hair." " - I love the ending here. It was such a fun piece to read. It was a clever turn of events that she was more afraid for her hair than her life, great characterization.

Overall, I loved going through this, you did a fantastic job here. I was excited from start to finish. Well done. Keep up the great work!

-Rynn

Posted 5 Days Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

5 Days Ago

Thank you so much for the detailed review, Rynn! Glad you liked it! :)
Zoe, I love it. While it seems a bit too dramatic until the end, it absolutely works in this poem. "A beautiful revenge" is perhaps exacted upon the would-be killer when interrupted again by the woman, still full of vanity, even near death. Nice work!

Posted 5 Days Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

5 Days Ago

Thank you much, Mr.Ray. I appreciate it! :)
you tell a great story mam,,have a merry christmas

Posted 6 Days Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

6 Days Ago

Thank you, wordman! Merry Christmas to you, too!
This is a cute story - the design of the piece reminds me of my Poem Silent W***e - I like the visuals you give us and enjoyed the last line, even if it was totally out of theme to the rest of the poem :) Well done X

Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

1 Week Ago

Thank you so much. It means a lot! :)
This is surprisingly funny. Very well written. You are a very good writer, don't stop, keep writing.

Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

1 Week Ago

Thank you, Avia! Appreciated! :)
Avia

5 Days Ago

Always a pleasure.
Umm... "feet" and "freak" don't rhyme.

And: You need to look deeper into prosody. The number of feet per line is all over the place.

And remove redundancies where possible. Is there really a difference between "total beauty freak," and "beauty freak?" Between "She didn't even change a bit. " and "She didn't change a bit?" Is "Climbed up" necessary when the term climb means to go up, and the person couldn't be moving down? Redundant words, unless they're necessary for prosody slow the read and dilute impact.

Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

1 Week Ago

Thank you for the advice. I'll try to change that rhyme. I appreciate it!
Good rhyme scheme and wording choices and the story is entertaining in an odd kind of whimsically frightening way. I rather liked :~) Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

1 Week Ago

Thank you, Bear. Means a lot! :)

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Added on December 6, 2017
Last Updated on December 12, 2017

Author

Zoe
Zoe

India



About
Hey there! I am a fourteen-year old girl, a fantasist, an aspiring fiction writer and yes, how can I forget, a proud Martinian! I love to read and write fiction. It makes me jump with enthusiasm when .. more..

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