Bliss

Bliss

A Story by Zoe

    The barrier between her eyes and the unknown world around was removed as she lifted her eye-lids. Razor-like albicant rays of light blinded her before those innocent eyes adjusted to it. It appeared as if she was standing in the midst of a vast field; a field that grew off-white grass instead of green.The sky above, a shade of mazarine, was unusually still and clear. No sound could be heard, except the deafening sound of silence itself. She stepped forward; closer to the origin of the dazzle. She had never felt lighter before. It seemed as if she was almost floating.

    A few metres away stood a glistening, crystalline quadpod. She could make out a faint outline of a spherical structure on top of the stand. A few more steps forward disclosed its identity. It was an orbuculum. She had never seen one before.

    The first thing she saw in the crystal ball was her own twisted reflection; though unshapely, it still had an element of surprise for her. Where were her dark circles? Her scars? All the marks on her body that never failed to expose her as a weak, suffering, vulnerable human being? Instead, her skin, now, glowed in all its glory. For the first time in forever she felt confident. Never had she ever thought she could look so beautiful.

    In no time there was activity in the orb. Little purple and black clouds merged inside; at first, forming a hazy picture, and then- a very clear one, helping her to sink in the reality of the situation. She saw herself again. But this time, it was her scarred self. She lay unconscious on her bed; froth trickling out and down her pale lips. Contrary to human behaviour, her present self stood smiling at the orb. Im finally through.

    She glanced to her left, and then to her right. There rose a tall, flamboyant directional sign post; consisting of three arrows pointing in different directions. Emblazoned on each one of them were few golden letters.

    “NaturalMurderSuicide.” She read aloud.

    There wasn’t much thinking now, only doing. Her gaze fixed upon the path indicated by the third arrow, she proceeded, hoping for the best; hoping the Almighty had something good in store for her.


© 2017 Zoe



Author's Note

Zoe
How blissful can death be for some.


P.S.- Fiction, completely. My life is very dear to me ;-p

My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register




Featured Review

I am starting to worry about you after reading this. At some point in one's life everyone feels that death is very good than a life we are living. Remember, one of the greatest sin which god never forgives is suicide.
About the story, you made me feel what the protagonist is going through and this is the beauty of a good story narrator, you did it very well. I am just concerned about you that is why I said the thing mentioned above. At such a young age such thoughts shouldn't come to your naive mind.

Posted 2 Months Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Abraham George

2 Months Ago

no not for contest.
Zoe

2 Months Ago

Najam, you shouldn't worry. It's totally fiction. I also changed my author's note after reading your.. read more
Najam Us Saher

2 Months Ago

I am glad to see you :)
You are most welcome.



Reviews

It's a juicy read. I'm always keen to observe and see the imagery. It's a bliss for me. Bravo :)

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

1 Month Ago

Glad you liked it. Thank you very much :)
Suhd

1 Month Ago

Always a pleasure :)
Vivid. Very vivid.
I have to say that the last 3 paragrpahs were SO STRIKING for me, it really made this piece so much more powerful than it already was. Your usage of words is growing by the month. Even though I am not on here as regular as I used to be, I can see that you are really striving for greatness in your writing. I have always had you down as an exceptional writer and this piece just backs it all up. You have a great understanding of impact sentences and using tricks such as best word last, making every word count, keeping it short yet straight to the point (even though you might not know that you are doing it, you are doing it)
You have learned so so much since I first met you and to see your progress really come into its own puts a great big smile on my face.
This is one of your best pieces (they are all good though Zoe) and I really do look forward to the next. I have no complaints about the way it is written - if flows beautifully, and this is how writing is mean't to be done.
Paragraph perfect.
Sentence strong.
Words are used Wisely.

GREAT WORK ZOE!

Mark.



Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

1 Month Ago

Hey Mr.Mark! As always, your words are so kind and I'm really happy you liked it. Your review, in fa.. read more
matrixmark

1 Month Ago

Always look forward to reading your wok (time permitting)

You have a lovely christmas.. read more
I think this is very much vivid, despite the formidable tone here. I also love your word choices and the way this reads so poetic.
Very well written, Zoe.

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

1 Month Ago

Thank you very much for your kind words, Yumna. I appreciate them! :)
Dr YumnaKay

1 Month Ago

You're welcome. A pleasure reading (:
A interesting tale my friend. A feel of a dark tale leading to a wise ending. Each of us will struggle and if we are lucky. See more light than darkness. Thank you Zoe for sharing the amazing story.
Coyote

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

2 Months Ago

Thank you so much, Coyote, for your continuous support of my writings! I truly appreciate it :)
Coyote Poetry

2 Months Ago

Was my pleasure and you are welcome Zoe.
touching story zoe,you have a vivid imagination

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

2 Months Ago

Thanks a lot, wordman! You are appreciated :)
...........I have no words.....my voice is in my awe!!
Holy kwap! I've often believed that only a true poet knows how to write prose. This is poetic, and it's compelling, and its powerful in its brevity. Well freaking done!

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

2 Months Ago

Oh thank you, Emi! It means a lot :)
emipoemi

2 Months Ago

my pleasure
Wow. This was so amazingly written Zoe. I really liked the way you depicted it.
Keep writing! =)

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

2 Months Ago

Thank you very much, Ghania! I appreciate your words :)
Ghania

2 Months Ago

You're always welcome. Keep writing stuff like this. I really love it
Zoe

2 Months Ago

So glad you do :)
• The barrier between her eyes and the obscure world around was removed as she lifted her eye-lids.

Seventeen words to say, “She opened her eyes.” Ask yourself: are you trying to communicate what happens or impress your reader with your ability to complicate? Every word added to a given thought dilutes the impact.

Added to that, in what way is the world obscure? Your intended meaning is…well, obscure.

• Razor-like albicant rays of light blinded her before those innocent eyes adjusted to it.

Now you’re just getting silly. If her eyes are innocent, what part of her is guilty, and of what?

Razor-like. You mean they shave her eyeballs? Cool. I hate getting the hairy eyeball.

Seriously, a razor is a knife, but a knife is not a razor. So by specifying, you imply function, in this case, saving. Had you said scalpel, the meaning would be more accurate. But “knife-like,” is more than adequate, and sharp is tighter, and more on, umm…point.

You misunderstand the purpose of your thesaurus. The goal isn’t to provide alternatives for common words. It was created to help find the word with the perfect shades of meaning intended. Using it to find less common alternatives comes off as being self-consciously “literary.” Keep in mind that you’re supposed to be communicating with the reader, not trying to impress them with your vocabulary. Yes, the phraseology should, in and of itself, be interesting. But that must always be in support of the story—enrichment, not the focus. And story happens, moment-by-moment, in real-time. It is not talked about by an external, dispassionate observer, if for no other reason than that the reader can neither hear nor see your performance.

If you’ve seen the film, This is Spinal Tap (and if not, you should), you have the volume turned to eleven.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ghania

2 Months Ago

Hi Jay!
This is, perhaps, second review of yours on a writing here, that I came across.
read more
Zoe

2 Months Ago

Thank you so much for your time and review. I understand what you're saying. I'll try not to repeat .. read more
A deeply themed write, Zoe.

Certainly reaching the crossroads of life happens to all of us; and in your story, it occurs with a morbid sense of choice for your protagonist. The ideal of untouched beauty can certainly drive one towards the wrong pathway.

As always, your story telling is concise and well written with an increased emphasis on expanded vocabulary in this one! I enjoyed the story and its sad relevance for some in our modern society. Another fine write.

Best wishes for the festive season.

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoe

2 Months Ago

And warmest wishes for the season to you too!
Doodley

2 Months Ago

Always a pleasure, Zoe. Will be writing again in the New Year. (Hopefully).
Zoe

2 Months Ago

Haha, sure. I, too, will!
I am starting to worry about you after reading this. At some point in one's life everyone feels that death is very good than a life we are living. Remember, one of the greatest sin which god never forgives is suicide.
About the story, you made me feel what the protagonist is going through and this is the beauty of a good story narrator, you did it very well. I am just concerned about you that is why I said the thing mentioned above. At such a young age such thoughts shouldn't come to your naive mind.

Posted 2 Months Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Abraham George

2 Months Ago

no not for contest.
Zoe

2 Months Ago

Najam, you shouldn't worry. It's totally fiction. I also changed my author's note after reading your.. read more
Najam Us Saher

2 Months Ago

I am glad to see you :)
You are most welcome.

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

465 Views
10 Reviews
Rating
Added on December 22, 2017
Last Updated on December 31, 2017

Author

Zoe
Zoe

India



About
A fifteen-year-old. Aspiring writer. Proud Martinian. Love reading, sketching, sleeping, watching horror movies, few sports, and writing of course. Feel free to criticise my work or just simply pu.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..