Sea of Regrets

A poem regarding the shift from childhood to adulthood and how the military affects that.

He was once so adamant. So ready to deny the duty of somebody else’s war. But something must have changed Once the camouflaged man was through the threshold, Because when he left the young man was no longer a boy. I always pictured him as a frat type guy. The one that ended every night with a different girl, But always called his mom. He wasn’t sure what he was doing after graduation, But he promised me Weekend trips, And car rides, And ice cream. He spoke to me slowly when he told me. Counted the benefits on each hand and was sure to highlight the safety. He says, “I just know you worry, But there’s no danger where they want me” His words dangle between us And I swallow my heart. I should be proud, Or happy, Or feeling something other than this pit of dread in my stomach. He enlisted, And soon after began drinking. His breath now smelled of cigarette smoke, And he was “man”. But every time I tried to meet the boy in his eyes He would pull away. We haven’t spoken in months. Until one night he calls me. He spoke to me slowly when he told me. His mother was sick again, Only days before deployment. He’s been chain smoking And can’t sleep. I hear the words in the back of his throat. Wanting to escape, But refusing to admit That maybe he just isn’t ready to leave. But the days pass fast now, And it’s only a matter of time. I don’t know when we will speak again, So instead I have late night conversations With the moon, About the boy who signed his life away Too soon.