All Messed Up

I’m crying pools of blood

I’m a wilting, dying flower

I think I simply lost your love

I gave you all the power

 

The cherries just aren’t red anymore

They fade from red to grey

The stems are badly broken

It’s sad to see them fade

 

I clenched my eyes so tightly

It sent me in a daze

My dreams are all so frightening

I can’t see in this haze

 

I screamed out loud

But it stayed so very silent

I remember us from then to now

It really seems so violent

 

I know you’re thinking random thoughts

Of how you’re not content

You’ve ripped my insides all apart

You fucked me then you went

 

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Honest and direct words. I could feel the anger and disappointment.
"I know you’re thinking random thoughts
Of how you’re not content
You’ve ripped my insides all apart
You fucked me then you went"
The lines above stood out. Thank you for sharing your excellent poetry.
Coyote

[audrie]

zi think I might change the title to "Cherries" - what do you think? Do you think that would be better than the 4th line? I am interested in hearing your feedbaxk. I used the F word to bring about a forceful ending. Thanks for your opinion

[Michael G. Smith]

I think the fourth line defines this poem and in my opinion would make a much more powerful title. This the problem many times we give power to those in our relationships. Many of those times it's because of our own insecurities. I think using the F word absolutely detracts from this passionate poem.

[anne]

well penned.........its emotional and several can connct to it...........

[audrie]

Thanks for the feedback Anne

[Matching Socks]

Great write, very intense. I know these feelings, too many women do...
And then we move on. :)
Well done, you've chosen your words well.

[Jack Collins]

I really connected to this piece audrie - in general how you feel as tho you are just screaming in front of everyone looking at you in your life, yet they dont hear a word of it.
i like the way you put:
'It sent me in a daze
My dreams are all so frightening
I can’t see in this haze'

i had a real sense of being carried by this piece & through the landscape i could feel a piece of what went into you making it to begin with - how you finish your second verse in 'fade' as if to fall asleep from sheer exhaustion by the heaviness of thought alone & then bringing it back wonderfully in the 3rd verse where you describe the dream as mere haze & not seeing clearly through it...
excellent job of relating such an intangible experience as the depth our minds can go when feeling rejection and desertion

some of the most beautiful verse has come from this muse as i'm sure you are well aware... but I know what ya mean!!! Be Well -J

[audrie]

gosh, that was an amazing review. . .one of the best that I have received - I really appreciate you taking such care and thought in reviewing this!

[nseddy]

Very emotional piece. I can definitely relate to being on both sides of this.

I screamed out loud
But it stayed so very silent
I remember us from then to now
It really seems so violent

Yeah

[audrie]

I appreciate the review : >

[Ranger Kessel]

very passionate. nicely written. a lot of people an relate to this. thanks for sharing

[audrie]

Again, thanks for the review : >

[Sami Khalil]

An emotive write indeed...Thank you for penning...:)..............................

[audrie]

I really appreciate you writing this review!

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)..................