I am happy with my life

I am happy with my job

I love my girlfriend and my best friend, my

stupid retarded ratdog

Dog, whose name is Charlie, by the way

In case you were wondering

You probably weren't

Because unlike me, you are not happy with your life

Or your job

Or your girlfriend

Or your stupid little excuse for a rat dog

...

Oh, you're gay, you have a boyfriend

Sorry

And you're a cat person

My bad

And you inherited a large sum of money for your dead parents?

So you don't have to work

I see

My mistake.