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Crazed: Chapter 1 Isalene
A Chapter by Erin Phoenix
 This is Isalene Haywell.
You've met her once before.  |
Warning
This story is rated Mature and may contain material unsuitable for readers under 18.
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."
-Albert Einstein
1
Isalene
I sit down in the same chair that I always sit in, and rest my hands on my notebook that is sitting on my lap. Merideth sits from across me, and looks at June. June is a nurse that went to school with Merideth. They are close, but Merideth doesn’t like to show close. I watch June tally up everyone in the room on her clipboard. She notices me looking at her, and smiles. I let the side of my mouth lift, and she looks back at her clipboard. If you’ve ever met her you would think she is a mess, and she is, but she’s very good at it. Unlike Merideth, she is soft, and has a motherly instinct for all of us here. She’s our guiding light, but we never let her know that. She was born in Alabama, and her strong accent, and red curly hair proves it. I release my mouth, and look back at Merideth.
She fixes herself, and looks around the room.
“Is everyone here?” She asks June.
June checks her clipboard, “Five.” She looks at Merideth, “We’re missing Evelen.”
“Why does that not surprise me?” Merideth asks, and sighs.
“She’s still in her room. She was lying on the floor when I passed her room. I think she might be dead.” Melinda says over reacting the details. She pulls off a rubber band from her wrist, and ties up her long blonde hair.
Merideth looks at her, “She’s not dead Mell.”
“She wants to be.” Melinda says, and looks behind Merideth at Evelen being dragged in by two guards.
Evelen yells in the background, “I hate this place!”
Everyone does, but she likes to express it.
“She’s coming.” June says tucking her feet in to clear the way for Evelen to pass.
Everyone copies her, and does the same.
Merideth stands up, and points to her side. “Place her next to Carmen.” She looks at Carmen, “Carmen do you mind?”
Carmen nods, and Merideth looks at me. “Isalene?”
I sigh, and scoot my chair as far as possible from hers.
“Place her next to Isalene.” She looks at me again, “Thank you Isalene.”
Evelen screams at the guards, “Get your fucking hands off of me you pigs!” She starts snorting like a pig, and they push her to her seat. She spits at them, and looks at Merideth. “Good morning love.”
Merideth nods to the guards, and they leave to stand by the door. She then looks at Evelen, “How many times is that now Evelen?”
“I’d say about fifty-six.” She turns her dark eyes from the guards to Merideth, and smiles.
“Fifty- seven.” Melinda corrects her.
Evelen looks at her, “Oh yeah. I forgot about yesterday. That was a close one.” She looks at Merideth.
“Let’s start. Shall we?” June says cutting into their silence.
Merideth clears her throat, “Under your chairs there will be a box. Each of you will open the box when it is your turn. In them will be an item. Each of you will tell the group what it reminds you of from past or present. Let us start with Leset.”
Leset reaches from under her chair, and sets her box on her lap. She lift’s the lid, and pulls out a tennis ball, “It’s a bomb…”
“It looks like a tennis ball to me.” Evelen says in a cocky voice.
June looks at her, “Evelen it’s whatever she wants it to be. It will soon be your turn.”
Evelen rolls her eyes, and starts tapping her foot. The rapid sound echoes in the room like a beating drum.
June looks back at Leset with a secure smile. “Tell us about this bomb Leset.”
“I told him to get away, but he wouldn’t.” She wipes the tears from her face.
“Whom Leset? Whom are you referring to?” Merideth asks.
“My father. I jumped in, and it blew up in my face.” The softness of her fingers touch the roughness of the scare that covers the whole left side of her face. “My face…” She looks at June, “The doctor said the scar would be permanent, but I could barely see it now.”
June smiles, “That’s good Leset. That’s very good.”
“Your face still looks fucked up to me.” Evelen says rudely.
Leset looks away from June in embarrassment. She then lets out a short giggle, and glances to Evelen with a courageous smile. “You know what Evelen?”
“What?” Evelen leans forward in her chair waiting to burst out in laughter after Leset’s useless comeback as a defense.
“I wish for just one day you would be nice to me. Just one day.” Leset says hopeful yet knows that day would never come.
“Oh really? Well, I wish for just one day you wouldn’t be so fucking ugly.” The words slowly roll out of her mouth, and hit Leset like a ton of bricks.
June notices Leset braking down, and looks at Evelen, “Evelen please.”
Leset turns red in anger, “Go to hell!”
“Been there. Done that.” Evelen leans back in her chair laughing at Leset’s failed attempt.
“Stop this!” Merideth raises her voice.
Leset puts her head down, and starts to cry. Evelen continues to tap her foot, and Merideth looks at Melinda.
“Mell I believe you're next.”
Melinda stares at Leset, and Merideth repeats herself. “Mell I believe you're next.”
Melinda looks at Merideth, “Huh?”
“Tell us what’s in your box.” Merideth crosses her legs, and points to the box underneath Melinda’s chair.
“Oh. Yeah.” She picks up the box from under her, and opens it. She looks into it, and sits silent.
“What do you see Mell?” June asks, and Melinda stays quiet. June looks at Merideth, “Maybe we should pass her.”
Merideth looks at Melinda, “Mell?”
Melinda looks up at her with tears in her eyes.
“Would you like us to pass you, and come back later after everyone else?” Merideth asks.
“No. I’m fine.” She wipes her eyes, and pulls out a diamond ring.
June looks at Merideth, and she nods.
“Arthur…” She whispers. “Why my love? Why?”
“Tell us what you are thinking Mell. Let us into your thoughts.” June says.
Melinda bites her bottom lip, “I think he loved me.” She looks up at June, “I really do.”
“Did you think that before or after you killed him?” Evelen asks rolling her eyes.
Merideth looks at Evelen, “Evelen, If you don’t stop, then we’ll put you in your room.”
“That’s what she wants.” Leset says sniffling into her hand.
Melinda starts get agitated, “I didn’t kill him! He was unhappy, and did it himself!”
June looks at her, “It’s okay Mell. Calm down.”
Mell puts the ring back into its box, and sets it back under her chair. She pulls her legs up, and holds her knees to her chest. “He was unhappy.”
Carmen looks at her sister, and whispers, “It’s okay.”
“May Ling, it’s your turn.” Merideth says scribbling with her pen onto her clipboard.
May Ling lifts up her long summer dress to her knees, and pulls out her box from between her two feet. She opens the box, and pulls out a wooden cross. She puts it back inside its box, and places it back under her chair.
“What did you see?” Merideth asks looking at the box abandoned, and mistreated of it purpose.
“No thing.” May Ling shakes her head acting as if the incident didn‘t accrue.
“May Ling, it would not hurt to try, and give it a couple of minutes.” Merideth assured her disappointed of May Ling's approach.
“No thing hurt me. Wood cross no hurt me.” May Ling pulls her dress back down to her ankles, and Merideth nods still disappointed.
I open my notebook, and start to write in it.
“Isalene?”
I look up at Merideth who is looking at me.
She looks at my notebook, and then back at me. “Pay attention please.”
I close my notebook, and nod.
Merideth looks at Evelen, “Evelen, it’s your turn.”
Evelen jumps out of her seat, and pulls her chair away. She looks at the box, and picks it up. “Lets see what shit you're trying to feed to me today Merideth Casio.” She throws the top off her box, and pulls out a stuffed animal. She holds it up, and laughs. “What do you want me to say about this? Oh, I know. You want me to finally give in to your shit, and say, ‘Love, childhood, and happiness.’ Well, you can all go to hell.” Evelen throws down the stuffed animal, and flips Merideth off.
“Evelen, you do this during every group session.” Merideth says dissatisfied.
“She thinks she’s so damn funny. Well you're not!” Leset screams at Evelen.
“Fuck you scar face!” Evelen screams back at her.
I look at the stuffed animal on the floor, and look at its black shiny eyes. Like my father’s casket. I lean out of my chair, and pick it up. I place it on my lap, and pat it on its soft head.
June looks at me, “Isalene, it’s your turn now.”
I dangle my arm down to the floor, and search for the box under my chair. I feel it’s hard top, and bring it up to my lap. I lift the top, and look inside. Nothing.
“What do you see?” June asks me.
I look up at her, and Merideth. “It’s empty.”
“Is it? Did I forget to put something in yours again?” She stands up, and Merideth puts her hand out to stop her.
Merideth looks at me, “What do you see Isalene.”
June looks at Merideth confused, and I look into the box.
“Tell me what you see.” Merideth says pointing to the box with one hand, and preparing the pen in her other hand to jot my thoughts down.
Nothing. I start to think about my father, and all the feelings from the day I found him dead on his bedroom floor. I think about my mother, and her dieing on her death bed telling me not to cry. I think about Evelen, and our childhood together that no one knows about, but me. I think about the stuffed animal, and its black eyes that look like the inside of this box; but I couldn’t tell them all that. I couldn’t tell them my feeling just yet. Not when I’m not done with them. I look at Merideth, and she tries to read me; but she could tell that I know that she knows nothing about me. I want to say, 'Stop trying to read me! I’m not some kind of dead animal that you can poke at!' I look back into the box, and a memory of Harry, my dog from when I was ten died from getting hit by a car, and after that I never had another pet. Then I saw my mother's face in that box. I miss her like no one could imagine. Like… a daughter lost her mother. Like everything that was happy left me when her hand slipped from mine and I heard her last breath come out of her soft lips. How did I feel when I forgot to say I love you? Like my life was set on pause, and when it went back to play something was cut out, and the rewind button was broken so everything that I should have said at that moment was no more. Now I wait until my life sets on pause again, and when I wake up she’ll be back in that bed smiling at me, and I would still be seven years old waiting for that promise to the park.
“Isalene?” Merideth calls me, and I look up at her. “What do you see?”
I look back to the box, and try to hold my tears. “Darkness, pain, guilt.” I breathe in slowly, and quietly keeping them from seeing me cry.
“And what can you do to change that Isalene?” She asks me.
I look down at the stuffed animal still sitting on my lap, and pick it up. I look into its dark eyes once more, and place it into the box. I put the top back onto the box, and look at Merideth. She nods, and I look away.
I sit in the cafeteria, and look at my untouched food laying on it’s tray. I wonder… Is all this thinking really getting to my head? Is all this stuff that I thought was bull really working? I pick up the plastic fork that’s lying on the table, and poke my food with it. I sigh, and put the fork down back on the table, and push the tray away.
“Isalene are you going to eat today?” June asks, and looks at the tray of food across from me.
I look at her, “I’m not hungry.”
She sits down across from me, “You're never hungry.”
“I’m not anorexic.” I say before she asks.
“Well, it’s hard not to think that.” She looks at my notebook on the table, and I pick it up, and put it on my lap under the table. She looks at me confused. “You didn’t have to do that.” She rests her cuffed hands on the table. “Ever since you’ve been here I see you writing in that notebook of yours. Can you tell me a little about it?”
I shake my head.
“You can talk to me, Merideth or any of the girls here. If you feel the need to. You know that?”
I nod.
“Except for…” She looks across the cafeteria at Evelen.
I looks at her too. “Evelen?”
She looks back at me, “You can try, but I recommend you don’t.”
I look at June, and then back at Evelen. We were friends. Once. Along time ago, and she left. I never saw her after that until I came here, confused. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember how happy I was that day. The year was nineteen-eighty-eight, and we were in my room debating on what dress to buy for prom. She was having problems with her parents, and asked to spend the night. We had just came from eating at Lulu’s Café. Where we go every Sunday for lunch. Her stomach was hurting afterwards so I let her lay on my bed, and brought her some milk to code her stomach.
“Here you go.” I handed her a cup of milk.
“Thanks.” She sat up, and sipped on it. She put the half empty cup on my desk next to my bed, and looked at me. “Lets do something stupid.”
I slightly laughed. “Like what?”
“I don’t know. Don’t you ever want to do something crazy?” She asked me.
“You are crazy.” I joked.
She started to laugh, “Are you still hungry?”
“We just ate.”
“I’m still hungry.”
“I’ll tell Kersta to make you something.”
She nodded, and jumped off my bed. I left the room to tell my stepmother to make something up, and when I came back in I saw Evelen looking in a tall mirror on my wall at herself. “Do you think I gained any weight? I mean just a little.”
I shook my head, “I really haven’t noticed. I’m sure you're just bloated. Your period might be coming.”
“I doubt it.” She sat back down on my bed, and hugged one of my pillows. “You're not the kind of person to get freaked out, but I think this time you just might.”
I sat on my bed next to her, “If it’s you, and Gregory doing it, then you told me last week.”
“I might be preg-” She tried to say, but my dad called from downstairs interrupting her.
I jumped off my bed, “Just a second Evelen. That’s probably my dad calling that your sandwich is ready.”
She got off my bed, and walked to the door next to me. “I have to go anyways. My family, and I are going to New York for the summer.”
“What about school? Graduation? Prom?” I said confused.
“Oh. Well, I’ll be back before all that.”
“I thought your mom was gone.”
“Well, their trying to fix everything. This trip would really help. You know?”
“Yeah. Are you sure you don’t want the food to go?”
She grabbed her backpack, “I’ll call you. Okay?” She walked out of my bedroom.
I walked to the top of the stairs, “Bring me back something big. Okay?”
She looked up at me while walking down to the front door. “I’m sure I’ll bring back something.”
“Hey Ev!” I yelled.
She stopped at the door, “Yeah?”
“I love you forever.” I said.
“Forever I love you.” She smiled, and left.
I waited weeks, months for her to call; but it never happened. Four months later my dad died, and she wasn’t there. A year later I was here, and saw her. Confusion took over my head. She didn’t look the same. She looked tired, and mean. She never looked at me the same way she looked at me that day.
“Isalene?”
I look at June. “What happened to her? Why is she here?”
“You don’t know?” She asks me realizing this is the first time I’ve asked about Evelen ever.
I shake my head.
“Well, six years ago she was found in a female’s restroom with a stillborn child in her arms. The shock brought her into a coma. Since then she has no memory of her friends, or family. She’s pissed off at the world, and she doesn’t remember why.” June notices the lunch lady trying to get her attention, and stands up. She looks at me with a pleasant smile, “Will you excuse me Isalene?”
I nod, and she walks away.
I never knew. She was trying to tell me that she was pregnant. If I have known, than I would have helped her. Why didn’t she tell me? I was her best friend. I was everything to her, yet she couldn’t tell me. I wish she remembered so I can run over there, and yell at her. I wish I can tell her everything I feel right now. All I want to do is talk to my best friend. I lost my mother, and my father, and thought I lost her; but when I saw her the first day I came here everything came back to me. Like my life was paused again, and it’s turned into a game. I look at Evelen, and I don’t know what I feel. I don’t know if I’m mad or confused or sad. And why now? Why do I ask now after five years of wondering, and killing myself inside by wondering all this stuff? Why did I ask about her now? Why did she choose to lie to me, and do it all alone? I can feel my eyes water, and my heart ache. I get up, and walk to leave, and look at her again.
“I’m sorry Evelen.” I whisper to myself, and leave.
© 2008 Erin Phoenix
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Author's Note
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This is a long chapter.
The others will be shorter.
It's crazy how Isalene, and Evelen were friends...
Don't worry... there will be much more on that topic later, and you'll love it.
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My Review
Featured Review
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Oooh, the plot thickens. So much to comment on, I won't be able to do it all!
Favorite part: The long paragraph after she opens the box to see nothing. Wonderful exposition and terrific descriptions, I felt so sad!
"How did I feel when I forgot to say I love you? Like my life was set on pause, and when it went back to play something was cut out, and the rewind button was broken so everything that I should have said at that moment was no more. Now I wait until my life sets on pause again, and when I wake up she'll be back in that bed smiling at me, and I would still be seven years old waiting for that promise to the park."
I mean, WOW, that's great stuff.
Evelen -- an interesting character, though I'm not sure why they let her be so descructive at these group sessions. I'm curious to see her develop along with her relationship with the protagonist.
Also, I appreciate the irony and foreshadowing in these quotes:
"I don't know. Don't you ever want to do something crazy?" She asked me.
"You are crazy." I joked.
Haha it's actually nice that you add little jokes like that throughout. Can't wait for more... Hope you enjoy your strawberry...
Have a nice day!
Posted 2 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
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