aging is an art

aging is an art

A Poem by freelancejouster

 

 

 

 

 

an aged boulder of a face,

with deep crevices and hair-line cracks,

sunken rheumatic eyes,

that have somehow retained their blind kindness

over the decades of fumbling through life

 

and you ask him his secrets

 

as he sits, planted firmly in a willow rocker,

perpetually mumbling in a voice of loose gravel.

 

 

two white shocks of hair,

arch in amusement, and not that you're not amusing,

but because no one ever sees him,

he's thought himself blended into the landscape

and as forgotten as his alzheimeric brain

has made almost everything else.

 

and you ask him his stories,

 

though, he's forgotten but a couple,

which would make him bored to tell,

as it's only the mundane that stays with him.

 

 

and as he asks you your name for the sixth time that hour,

you wonder if he's worth talking to anymore,

when suddenly the boulder is broken

by a smile composed of a mottled ear of corn

 

"anonymity is the secret to life.  or maybe animosity

i can't remember, probably both."

 

 

 

 

 

 


© 2011 freelancejouster



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Featured Review

Wonderfully descriptive, you can see him form in your minds eye. That closing is perfection though. This feels like a closer look at Alice's White Knight... just as you think whatever wisdom or wit left has guttered out, it flares up, casting shadows against the walls of the mind. Tender, a touch of sadness, all wrapped in an artfully aged truth. Beautiful work!

Minor editing suggestions- rheumatic instead of rhematic in the first verse. The line "but he's forgotten but a couple" might read better with something like "Only he's forgotten" or "Yet, he's forgotten". Likewise, I would suggest losing the "and" in the lines, "and you ask him his stories" and "and he askes you your name" The unnecessary conjunctions feel like clutter that interrupt the flow of images we are receiving. I really love the clarity of image here, it adds to the punch of the ending. Great work!

Posted 6 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

so funny - aging is an art unique to our outlook, genetic predispositions and concept of embracing time at every decade - even with wisdom gained - our challenge is to maintain that youthful spirit as the body ages - the sense of humor shined at the last line...

Posted 6 Years Ago


Wonderfully descriptive, you can see him form in your minds eye. That closing is perfection though. This feels like a closer look at Alice's White Knight... just as you think whatever wisdom or wit left has guttered out, it flares up, casting shadows against the walls of the mind. Tender, a touch of sadness, all wrapped in an artfully aged truth. Beautiful work!

Minor editing suggestions- rheumatic instead of rhematic in the first verse. The line "but he's forgotten but a couple" might read better with something like "Only he's forgotten" or "Yet, he's forgotten". Likewise, I would suggest losing the "and" in the lines, "and you ask him his stories" and "and he askes you your name" The unnecessary conjunctions feel like clutter that interrupt the flow of images we are receiving. I really love the clarity of image here, it adds to the punch of the ending. Great work!

Posted 6 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

I do like the flowing structure of this :) Keep this up but i see you still haven't took my advice on the capital letters thing haha :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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209 Views
3 Reviews
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Added on February 14, 2011
Last Updated on February 23, 2011
Tags: old, aging, elderly

Author

freelancejouster
freelancejouster

WI



About
i'm a muppet with his secrets revealed. i'm a lost teenager. i'm a rugged adventurer. I'm a bumbling novice. i'm an awkward intellectual. i'm a tear-stained lover. i'm a starving artist. i'm an.. more..

Writing