Snaked

Visceral pointed grip

 lurches within

 the heart's core

choking psyche's hold,

struck by deadly 

     viperous prick's fangs

of viciousness's 

malicious treachery, 

   slithering aimlessly

          through collapsed ruins

suffocating vice sting,

     unleashes stifling anxiety

succumb to vacancy's

    ambivalent haze,

poison races mercilessly

    plunging veins,

scaled and twisted amidst

   breath's vulgarity

reprehensible repetitions

     in strangulation's grasp

constrictor asphyxiates

         lifeblood effortlessly

re-positioning mindless

     reason's disposition 

no antidote viable in 

      divine dispensation,

 trenchant's constriction

     of gnawing bitters

  crash in scarlet clashes

          of snake bite's venom

Author's Note

Reviews

[kublakhan27]

Ha, clever song choice Mrs.R...well, according to the Chinese zodiac, I am a snake, go figure...I hate to use the obvious pun and say that this one has a sizable proportion of bite to it, but when Mrs.R bites, she bites deep, and as per usual, you've inundated me with a linguistic cacophony of blistering imagery that makes me hear the hiss from here...this snake doesn't just immobilize the body, it goes right to the heart's core and chokes the psyche's hold to boot...a most dangerous specimen indeed...there has been no shortage of vindictiveness in your recent works...hopefully it's just a creative phase...in any event, the truly elite poets can make turn the ugliest predicaments into a thing of beauty with their command of language, and the ability to marry the perfect words with the perfect emotions...need I even finish the thought? ;) xo

[Frieda P]

Okay, now that's pretty funny, I think I'm the dragon according to those charts. No need to finish, I think I know where you're going and the check is in the mail sweet Benji. ;) xo

[kublakhan27]

Haha Well your pen certainly breathes fire Mrs.R ;) Always a pleasure love...xo

[paul sal.....]

take a DR on the trip, otherwise Wow !

[s y e]

Ok, so see if you read this fast and with a beat... It doesn't work 'cause you just can't, this is like a minor tongue twister. But, on saying that, this is amazing... I loved it, very powerful and amazingly well written. xoxo

[Butch Decatoria]

Oh and forgot to mention, great write. Kudos again mrs. frieda.

[Frieda P]

Grazie mille again....

[Butch Decatoria]

The shape is is serpentine, and can almost sense the sidewinding thru your use of sound with the adjectives and imagery... maybe i would suggest some spacing, single space per two lines, to stretch or skin that snake you scribed here... and the end needs a punch, and since i feel a bit rattled - maybe a one word finale, the sound of warning and danger.

[Frieda P]

I thought of ending on a hissing sound. :) Thanks so much for your thoughtful review PF.

[Briana O'Connor]

Wowzers this is a tongue twister even spoken within the mind! lol I loved the pace at which this piece raced. It added a sense of danger and thrill. I love the personalities portrayed in snakes. They've always fascinated me. Of coarse I'd never want one, but they're fun to watch from afar :D

[Frieda P]

Yes they're fascinating from afar, as long as they don't cross your path, or mess with your heart! :)

[Lyn Anderson]

Isn't the snake just the best thing to use for this, even though I like them, they just lend themselves to this type of write. Wonderful word usage and powerful vicious images throughout.

[Frieda P]

Perfect indeed, thanks so much KL.

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

I understand what you're saying sounds all too familiar.


Never heard this one of Jon Bon Jovi I love his music.


Thank you for sharing and thank you for your
kind review and comments you left on my page
I really appreciate it thank you.


I love how you described all of
this as a venomous Snake very
Creative and quite slithering I just
had to say that :)



Blessings. Benita

[Frieda P]

I guess we've all encountered a slithering snake or two, thanks muchly Benita.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

you're welcome. I enjoyed reading this piece. Take care Benita

[Rene Salinas]

The thing about the representation of the snake is that it is also supposed to be a tempter. Anxiaeties , ambivalence unresonable propositions and just about anything that would make you think and doubt which is expressed clearly on the writing. Again to me is an aspect a gesture that some people carry and use very well. I am more of a llama myself.

I have a whicked spit.

Thankyou

[Frieda P]

Ha ha you're quite the jokester today my friend...I've heard about those nasty llamas too...you critters are all a puzzle to moi...

[redflutterby]

Dirty damn snakes....ha! Ive known a few...sigh. Cant believe ive never heard this Bon Jovi song. Seriously I was a big fan and this one is completely new to me.

[Frieda P]

That's because the hokey version became popular, this is from their first album, I had to go to my music source to find that little tidbit out...yes, those slithering critters are a curse, thanks Red.

[redflutterby]

Same album that had "Runaway" on it??? The hokey version...hahahaha....

[Frieda P]

I'm not sure, I didn't have the album, I guess you check it out on youtube....oh c'mon this is so much better than the version that became popular.

[redflutterby]

Doesn't even sound like the same song....damn!! You know the same thing went on with Whitesnake. They were told their songs wouldn't sell unless they changed the sound and the band changed its look. Its why David Coverdale went blond. They hit big on MTV and their original fans hated it.

[Frieda P]

I know, right, at first I thought it was a cover...and what do producers know? ....

[redflutterby]

Not much...hahaha....well they do know the big money if you want to sell out!