Red off rosewater's blush...

Red off rosewater's blush...

A Poem by Frieda P
"

_

"
 Drowned in ten thousand 
                 ocean refrains
teeming blood rain, killing
             the red off rose's blush
lofty footprints on
          hardened sandbanks,
lost about misty mountain
               tops, defunct of air 
stepped towards a ledge of
           despair's crooked mile,
one foot in  graveyard's 
                  disparaging waves
plunged in a million
             deluged tides of poetry's
     disenchanted rhyme,
breached the haven of 
             lighthouse's beaches,
spied the trail left behind
       no impressions were tread,
drifting alone
        on this sea of 
              foamy indifference 



© 2014 Frieda P



Author's Note

Frieda P

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Featured Review

The beginning of my comment is going to seem a bit off topic, but I love Tori Amos and this song fits your piece absolutely perfectly, well, beyond perfectly. I love how this piece uses descriptions almost like hers without being too closely alike and how you gave the piece your own unique voice (that kind of thing would make any influencing artist or musically paired artist proud). I really like the way you went about making your point in this write.

Drowned in ten thousand
ocean refrains

^ amazing introduction, you really got my attention here, without really giving away too much just yet.

teeming blood rain, killing
the red off rose's blush
lofty footprints on
hardened sandbanks,
lost about misty mountain
tops, defunct of air
stepped towards a ledge of
despair's crooked mile,

^ This is an amazing use of creativity to move along not only your story but develop the emotional undertones of this piece, which have been created and shared so masterfully. Great job, beautiful use of imagery.

one foot in graveyard's
disparaging waves

^ I love this transition and how it gives the reader not only a scene but some foreshadowing along with symbolism, depending on how they read it.

plunged in a million
deluged tides of poetry's
disenchanted rhyme,
breached the haven of
lighthouse's beaches,

^ The above lines are my favorite within this piece, they just sort of stuck with me, I can't even tell you why even though I swear I am trying to.

spied the trail left behind
no impressions were tread,
drifting alone
on this sea of
foamy indifference

^ Extraordinary conclusion. I love the way you wrapped up this entire piece of profound thought with something so completely simple.

Amazingly penned write.



Posted 3 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

we write of what is, and sometimes the thoughts are disenchanted as are our souls...but the words come regardless.

Posted 3 Years Ago


'No impressions were tread.. .. '

For me there is nothing but terror, a nothingless space, an absence of being, of colour, of hope... and each thought written with immense sadness and feeling. Oh my, Frieda.

MAYHAPS if i shout just that one word, you'll come back smiling.. please.. and write some more emotionally complex words.

Posted 3 Years Ago


Damn Frieda, this has to be one of your best, in a long line of "bests"... I'll never see the color red in the same way again as it's supposed to be on a rose, not faded or worn away... and the first few words, amazingly true as our tears fill oceans and then recycled as rain... but you know, though they may not seen, we do leave our tracks even on "hardened sand" we disturb the universe even as we drift aimlessly on "a sea of foamy indifference". Smile Frieda, your poem has etched into those sands and into our hearts as I think only you can do!! Damn Frieda what am I gonna do with all these heart pieces, each with a your name on it??? XXOO And you wonder why we appreciate you so muchly and some of us willing to fight windmills!!!

Tori Amos music.. she's a wonderful musical voice isn't she... nice choice for this poem.
~~redzone

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A sea of foamy indifference. Such a powerful poem - the powerful ache of loss saturates this piece. It is lonely and real - like a controlled scream...or a howl.

Posted 3 Years Ago


The beginning of my comment is going to seem a bit off topic, but I love Tori Amos and this song fits your piece absolutely perfectly, well, beyond perfectly. I love how this piece uses descriptions almost like hers without being too closely alike and how you gave the piece your own unique voice (that kind of thing would make any influencing artist or musically paired artist proud). I really like the way you went about making your point in this write.

Drowned in ten thousand
ocean refrains

^ amazing introduction, you really got my attention here, without really giving away too much just yet.

teeming blood rain, killing
the red off rose's blush
lofty footprints on
hardened sandbanks,
lost about misty mountain
tops, defunct of air
stepped towards a ledge of
despair's crooked mile,

^ This is an amazing use of creativity to move along not only your story but develop the emotional undertones of this piece, which have been created and shared so masterfully. Great job, beautiful use of imagery.

one foot in graveyard's
disparaging waves

^ I love this transition and how it gives the reader not only a scene but some foreshadowing along with symbolism, depending on how they read it.

plunged in a million
deluged tides of poetry's
disenchanted rhyme,
breached the haven of
lighthouse's beaches,

^ The above lines are my favorite within this piece, they just sort of stuck with me, I can't even tell you why even though I swear I am trying to.

spied the trail left behind
no impressions were tread,
drifting alone
on this sea of
foamy indifference

^ Extraordinary conclusion. I love the way you wrapped up this entire piece of profound thought with something so completely simple.

Amazingly penned write.



Posted 3 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Indifference to the various atrocities going on around you, expressed in such a haunting manner that I could never pull off myself. I've always put extra effort into trying to seem indifferent in the poems where I make attempts at a similar concept, and yet you do it so well. Truly a spectuactular poem!

Posted 3 Years Ago


First I had to listen to the song. I hadn't heard this version. Now, the words cycle through my head, leaving a path.

Posted 3 Years Ago


We can drown ourselves in ennui and apathy. There is such sadness her tinged with longing:

disparaging waves
plunged in a million
deluged tides of poetry's
disenchanted rhyme,

Posted 3 Years Ago


The last lines of indiference is so powerful of an ending for this sad poem..indifference to me is worse than feeling hate as it shows a whatever, I don't care attitude...great pen Frieda

Posted 3 Years Ago


The last lines of this made me think of walking on a beach's tideline, reflecting, footprints erased by the water and sea foam, no evidence of ones passing through visible.
Ethereal write, well done.

Posted 3 Years Ago



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Added on September 27, 2014
Last Updated on September 27, 2014

Author

Frieda P
Frieda P

NJ



About
If you want to know me, read my poetry, it's all in there. I am a mother of three sons (my finest moments) a sister, a survivor and a little bit crazy. I lost my beloved sister to suicide, so you'll.. more..

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