Red off rosewater's blush...

Red off rosewater's blush...

A Poem by Frieda P
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"
 Drowned in ten thousand 
                 ocean refrains
teeming blood rain, killing
             the red off rose's blush
lofty footprints on
          hardened sandbanks,
lost about misty mountain
               tops, defunct of air 
stepped towards a ledge of
           despair's crooked mile,
one foot in  graveyard's 
                  disparaging waves
plunged in a million
             deluged tides of poetry's
     disenchanted rhyme,
breached the haven of 
             lighthouse's beaches,
spied the trail left behind
       no impressions were tread,
drifting alone
        on this sea of 
              foamy indifference 



© 2014 Frieda P



Author's Note

Frieda P

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The beginning of my comment is going to seem a bit off topic, but I love Tori Amos and this song fits your piece absolutely perfectly, well, beyond perfectly. I love how this piece uses descriptions almost like hers without being too closely alike and how you gave the piece your own unique voice (that kind of thing would make any influencing artist or musically paired artist proud). I really like the way you went about making your point in this write.

Drowned in ten thousand
ocean refrains

^ amazing introduction, you really got my attention here, without really giving away too much just yet.

teeming blood rain, killing
the red off rose's blush
lofty footprints on
hardened sandbanks,
lost about misty mountain
tops, defunct of air
stepped towards a ledge of
despair's crooked mile,

^ This is an amazing use of creativity to move along not only your story but develop the emotional undertones of this piece, which have been created and shared so masterfully. Great job, beautiful use of imagery.

one foot in graveyard's
disparaging waves

^ I love this transition and how it gives the reader not only a scene but some foreshadowing along with symbolism, depending on how they read it.

plunged in a million
deluged tides of poetry's
disenchanted rhyme,
breached the haven of
lighthouse's beaches,

^ The above lines are my favorite within this piece, they just sort of stuck with me, I can't even tell you why even though I swear I am trying to.

spied the trail left behind
no impressions were tread,
drifting alone
on this sea of
foamy indifference

^ Extraordinary conclusion. I love the way you wrapped up this entire piece of profound thought with something so completely simple.

Amazingly penned write.



Posted 3 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

That "I" word. It is the culprit in many a sad heartbreaking affair, or just the ordinary feeling of friends. Still, when you embrace the ocean the indifference is manifestly not indifferent. Really enjoyed your well placed words in describing the drama within this poem.

Posted 3 Years Ago


oh my! when writing fails .. such despair! :((
there is always the Thesaurus and Google you know ;)

i agree with everyone .. powerful emotive poem ..

Posted 3 Years Ago


a very good poem, emotions are strong and conveyed well

Posted 3 Years Ago


deluged tides of poetry's
disenchanted rhyme,
breached the haven of
lighthouse's beaches,
spied the trail left behind
no impressions were tread,
drifting alone
on this sea of
foamy indifference

That whole the opposite of love is hate but many would say its indifference. But then one asks what is the difference between indifference and non-attachment … I think its the love. I do go on. A great one here.

Posted 3 Years Ago


Someone's feeling decidedly disgusted. The emotion in this piece is very strong, dominating waves and tides and rhymes, ending in a 'foamy indifference'. Brilliant imagery, my friend!

Posted 3 Years Ago


haunting... chills.. ma'am... between the music.. the picture... and the emotion... you have given me chills.. as always flow is enchanting and magical... another lovely piece that touches the reader..

Posted 3 Years Ago


Darkness like smoke, a fairyland gone awry but still did not lose its charm. We lesser mortals are just glued to your words like always.

Posted 3 Years Ago


killing the red off rose's blush... Yes, indifference does exactly that, taking the color, the vibrance, the joy, rendering the rose... empty. Your poems define every emotion, Freida.

Posted 3 Years Ago


Very good poem! It has a great flow your word use was perfect. Indifference is something many don't even know to avoid.

Posted 3 Years Ago


"You got to fight every day to keep mediocrity away..." Van Morrison

I enjoyed this. It was a rather gloomy enjoyment but the phraseology was well crafted.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

3 Years Ago

Great quote Fabian, thanks for your review and sharing that one...muchly appreciated.

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Added on September 27, 2014
Last Updated on September 27, 2014

Author

Frieda P
Frieda P

NJ



About
If you want to know me, read my poetry, it's all in there. I am a mother of three sons (my finest moments) a sister, a survivor and a little bit crazy. I lost my beloved sister to suicide, so you'll.. more..

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