Red off rosewater's blush...

Red off rosewater's blush...

A Poem by Frieda P
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"
 Drowned in ten thousand 
                 ocean refrains
teeming blood rain, killing
             the red off rose's blush
lofty footprints on
          hardened sandbanks,
lost about misty mountain
               tops, defunct of air 
stepped towards a ledge of
           despair's crooked mile,
one foot in  graveyard's 
                  disparaging waves
plunged in a million
             deluged tides of poetry's
     disenchanted rhyme,
breached the haven of 
             lighthouse's beaches,
spied the trail left behind
       no impressions were tread,
drifting alone
        on this sea of 
              foamy indifference 



© 2014 Frieda P



Author's Note

Frieda P

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Featured Review

The beginning of my comment is going to seem a bit off topic, but I love Tori Amos and this song fits your piece absolutely perfectly, well, beyond perfectly. I love how this piece uses descriptions almost like hers without being too closely alike and how you gave the piece your own unique voice (that kind of thing would make any influencing artist or musically paired artist proud). I really like the way you went about making your point in this write.

Drowned in ten thousand
ocean refrains

^ amazing introduction, you really got my attention here, without really giving away too much just yet.

teeming blood rain, killing
the red off rose's blush
lofty footprints on
hardened sandbanks,
lost about misty mountain
tops, defunct of air
stepped towards a ledge of
despair's crooked mile,

^ This is an amazing use of creativity to move along not only your story but develop the emotional undertones of this piece, which have been created and shared so masterfully. Great job, beautiful use of imagery.

one foot in graveyard's
disparaging waves

^ I love this transition and how it gives the reader not only a scene but some foreshadowing along with symbolism, depending on how they read it.

plunged in a million
deluged tides of poetry's
disenchanted rhyme,
breached the haven of
lighthouse's beaches,

^ The above lines are my favorite within this piece, they just sort of stuck with me, I can't even tell you why even though I swear I am trying to.

spied the trail left behind
no impressions were tread,
drifting alone
on this sea of
foamy indifference

^ Extraordinary conclusion. I love the way you wrapped up this entire piece of profound thought with something so completely simple.

Amazingly penned write.



Posted 3 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

The silent killer " indifference " ... The recipe of defeat and destruction ... This word is a sister of hypocrisy in the church. Betrayal in marriage. It hides in many shapes and forms. It will kick you on your side when your down and out. Stab you in the back. .... whew .. This piece is thought provoking letting you blew all your steam .... Excellent write Ms Frieda. Its bringing my otherside ...:)

Posted 3 Years Ago


Frieda P

3 Years Ago

I think you just about covered it all Neil, thank you kindly. :)
loved the write the picture was great and the music was haunting

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

3 Years Ago

Thanks so much Ron, jazz'd you enjoyed.
My tongue always get tied up whenever I attempt to review you, Mrs. P! I could just call this a "fricking amazing" poem, and leave it at that.

There are these two little boys, who are brothers, that come to visit me from time to time. I had them in my daycare since they were both 3 months old. Long story, short...they were here one day, and I heard the 5 year old use the word "fricking" in a sentence! I was shocked, but at the same time, it aroused a laugh out of me, which made him giggle even more.

I must admit, it certainly seems appropriate to say it here! ; )

sign me,
"fricking amazed"

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

3 Years Ago

OMG that made me laugh out loud! Ha...I didn't know you owned a childcare center too, those kids, I'.. read more
Kelly Scheppers

3 Years Ago

...lol, you're quite welcome! ; )
Drifting alone in a sea of foamy indifference. What a truly haunting and emotive piece.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

3 Years Ago

Thanks so much KL.
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ANM
Dogs chasing tails round and round washing machine movements!!! Nothing mundane about your words though!!

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

3 Years Ago

Thanks ANM does feel that way some days.
It has that feeling of wandering around on autopilot.
Things become routine, to stray from routine means to feel, to feel means to hurt.
Pleasure as always pretty momma.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

3 Years Ago

Ahhh I like where you took this one Ana Sophia...thanks gorgeous!
Matching Socks

3 Years Ago

:) you're welcome.
// plunged in a million
deluged tides of poetry's
disenchanted rhyme, //

Ughhh, I just freaking love these 3 lines, for me, these lines made the poem. Honestly, this is one of my favourites from you for sure. You went all out here: wording, imagery, poetic techniques, everything... Absolutely perfect...xoxo

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

3 Years Ago

I'll take that a good Ughhh! Thanks muchly sweet noodlebumbe....xo
s y e

3 Years Ago

It's a good ughhh! ;-)
Disenchanted, disillusioned, indifferent. At times, this is life. Yet there is always tomorrow. Your prolific poetry shows that. Thanks for sharing.

Mark

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

3 Years Ago

Yes, always another day to be disenchanted :) Thanks so much Mark.
Excellent guidance into the "sea of foamy indifference". I felt like I was falling with you. Palpable emotion and vivid imagery as always. Thank you for sharing.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

3 Years Ago

Thanks so much, jazz'd you felt this one..

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Added on September 27, 2014
Last Updated on September 27, 2014

Author

Frieda P
Frieda P

NJ



About
If you want to know me, read my poetry, it's all in there. I am a mother of three sons (my finest moments) a sister, a survivor and a little bit crazy. I lost my beloved sister to suicide, so you'll.. more..

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