Red off rosewater's blush...

Red off rosewater's blush...

A Poem by Frieda P
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 Drowned in ten thousand 
                 ocean refrains
teeming blood rain, killing
             the red off rose's blush
lofty footprints on
          hardened sandbanks,
lost about misty mountain
               tops, defunct of air 
stepped towards a ledge of
           despair's crooked mile,
one foot in  graveyard's 
                  disparaging waves
plunged in a million
             deluged tides of poetry's
     disenchanted rhyme,
breached the haven of 
             lighthouse's beaches,
spied the trail left behind
       no impressions were tread,
drifting alone
        on this sea of 
              foamy indifference 



© 2014 Frieda P



Author's Note

Frieda P

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Featured Review

The beginning of my comment is going to seem a bit off topic, but I love Tori Amos and this song fits your piece absolutely perfectly, well, beyond perfectly. I love how this piece uses descriptions almost like hers without being too closely alike and how you gave the piece your own unique voice (that kind of thing would make any influencing artist or musically paired artist proud). I really like the way you went about making your point in this write.

Drowned in ten thousand
ocean refrains

^ amazing introduction, you really got my attention here, without really giving away too much just yet.

teeming blood rain, killing
the red off rose's blush
lofty footprints on
hardened sandbanks,
lost about misty mountain
tops, defunct of air
stepped towards a ledge of
despair's crooked mile,

^ This is an amazing use of creativity to move along not only your story but develop the emotional undertones of this piece, which have been created and shared so masterfully. Great job, beautiful use of imagery.

one foot in graveyard's
disparaging waves

^ I love this transition and how it gives the reader not only a scene but some foreshadowing along with symbolism, depending on how they read it.

plunged in a million
deluged tides of poetry's
disenchanted rhyme,
breached the haven of
lighthouse's beaches,

^ The above lines are my favorite within this piece, they just sort of stuck with me, I can't even tell you why even though I swear I am trying to.

spied the trail left behind
no impressions were tread,
drifting alone
on this sea of
foamy indifference

^ Extraordinary conclusion. I love the way you wrapped up this entire piece of profound thought with something so completely simple.

Amazingly penned write.



Posted 3 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

The mechanized world and its demands leads to numbness one way or another and it wil getcha getcha getcha .... The thing is that in general it could also be seen as a defense mechanism, so much cruelty and so many negative aspects we tend to create a distance so we don't get hurt. The problem is that it may lead to an extreme and create apathy and finally indifference. In this writing there is so much said along these lines. I am a fan of Frieda have been for a while I would think that if she was a painter which I am not sure if she is or not she will be an impressionist. The sum of all the words create a pictorial image inside way more carftier than the words themselves.

In the words of my buddy Jack Kerouac: “If moderation is a fault, then indifference is a crime.”

Thankyou

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

3 Years Ago

Thanks so much Rene, enthralled by your observations, and now I have Blondie in my head! Cool quote.. read more
My favorite line is: plunge in a million
deluged tides of poetry's
disenchanted rhyme,

A lot of darkness and emotions in this poem! Thought provoking!

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

3 Years Ago

Thanks muchly, that was my favorite line too, glad you enjoyed this one imagination!
imagination101

3 Years Ago

My pleasure!
Beautiful artwork and amazing poetry. The description create visions and took me to dark places and thoughts. Thank you Frieda for the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

3 Years Ago

Thanks so much Coyote, glad you appreciate the darker side.
Coyote Poetry

3 Years Ago

You are welcome Frieda.
Beautifully written! Has a sad feeling to it, makes the reader feel the pain and sadness. The imagery is awesome!

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

3 Years Ago

Thank you kindly, chuffed you enjoyed my sad song!
storiestotell

3 Years Ago

The sad song went well with this well crafted poem!
Frieda P

3 Years Ago

I love Tori, just happened upon this song, jazz'd you enjoyed :)
Sigh, this one hits home Mrs.R...then again when does poetry not do that? After one of those dizzy walks atop the misty mountains, one would like to think that the mind would be sufficiently cleared and life would go on...but no, too often I just find myself drifting alone on that foamy indifference, much like this morning actually...yeah I love Friday nights ha...honestly though, this is a pretty lonely piece...you know that's a gimme theme when it comes to assaulting my heartstrings, for both of us...a lot of aimless wandering as well, over sand banks, mountain tops, graveyards, lighthouses, and that's AFTER the drowning (which adds another dimension to it, but that's one of those things I'm sure I don't have to elaborate on)...and I haven't mentioned your mastery of titles in a while, and this is another good example that had my imagination braced for something along these 'lines'...still, I am indelibly affected by this one...this one will need some time to sink in, but again you've done it love...your words carry the weight of ten thousand oceans, and usually they fall on me with all of that weight intact...xo

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

3 Years Ago

Well a poet of your standing earns every ultimate compliment she gets Mrs.R :) Always a pleasure...x.. read more
Frieda P

3 Years Ago

Awh shucks Benji, you're gonna make Mrs R blush, and you know she doesn't blush easily! ;) xo
kublakhan27

3 Years Ago

Haha That's my first smile in days Mrs.R ;) xo
As we get older we all will encounter those tragic moments in life that haunt us forever… you always have an unique voice when expressing your thoughts and this is a prime example of that.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

3 Years Ago

Thanks so much Dale, appreciate your kind words my friend.
The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)

3 Years Ago

Just speaking the truth, you are welcome Moonbeam.
There's that indifference again....it infiltrates all our lives at one time or another. The reflective melancholy in this poem is haunting. Disenchanted rhyme....ah, yes, I can identify with the feel of this. Frieda, this is an emotive masterpiece..really not indifferent at all! Lydi**

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

3 Years Ago

Thanks for your glowing words Lydikey, muchly appreciated!
This one speaks to me loss and tragically precious memories.

Posted 3 Years Ago


Frieda P

3 Years Ago

Thanks Momzilla, you got it.
MomzillaNC

3 Years Ago

You're welcome.

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Added on September 27, 2014
Last Updated on September 27, 2014

Author

Frieda P
Frieda P

NJ



About
If you want to know me, read my poetry, it's all in there. I am a mother of three sons (my finest moments) a sister, a survivor and a little bit crazy. I lost my beloved sister to suicide, so you'll.. more..

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