Things I Want to Say On Talk Radio

this is not a snippet

W A R

If somebody were to ask me whether I thought the war in Iraq was good or bad, two things would happen. First, I’d be giddy to know that someone wanted my sentiment on the matter, then I’d tell them, well, that’s just the way things are. Tough s**t.

“Just the way things are? Why can’t they be different?”

As long as there is religion, opinion, and ethnicity, we will always be in disagreement. A sucker’s born every minute. Racist, narrow minded, ignorant suckers. Fact of the matter is, without war, a good fraction of the world would be out of a job, and I’d have nothing to gape at when I watch the news.

P E A C E

I’ll believe it when I see it.

A L  G O R E ‘ S  T H E O R Y  O N  G L O B A L  W A R M I N G

Evidently, global warming is happening because of the rise and fall in temperature and it caused Hurricane Katrina. No. No. Global warming is happening because there’s a big a*s hole in the ozone layer that nobody wants to take responsibility for. Global warming isn’t the result of extreme weather. It’s the warming of the Earth. This has nothing to do with the increase of tornadoes or hurricanes. This has to do with the fact that it was 60 degrees through out the course of November and why I didn’t get any f*****g snow during Christmas.

E V O L U T I O N

In the beginning the Lord created the entire universe, the whole planet, every species of bacteria, reptile, amphibian, fish, mammal, and about 10 quintillion different types of insects (including crustaceans.) Here, let me spell this out for you:

10,000,000,000,000,000,000 insects in seven days.

He put most of these creatures on a pleasant little nook called Paradise, and put the Dinosaurs, Unicorns, Dragons, and Bigfoot on a pleasant little nook called Pangea.

No, wait. Just kidding. None of those existed.

But, the Lord did create the human race. Exactly two apes. They were banished from Paradise for eating fruit that clearly had an “OFF LIMITS” sign in front of it. After that, they had a few kids, and since there were no other fabulous specimens of their kind, they were forced into inbreeding. As the centuries flew by, constant inbreeding fucked up their genetic coding and lead to hair loss and other mutations. This is how we came to be and why God has been laughing his a*s off at us for the past 3.5 million years.



 

Author's Note

{ me being selfish and unfunny }

Reviews

[Brittany]

Amen. You should have your own talk show. I pretty much agree with you on most of these points

[Doctor JKC]

Profound and hysterical!
I love the forum/form.

My last GF was like a mental patient
in love with her cat, which by the way
was an awful creature.

[Richard Longbow]

This is awesome. I love the sarcasm. I hope to hear you on talk radio one day!

[Rowanna]

Thank you for entering my competition Koufos. Once I have read all the entries, I will inform you of whether you got through or not. Also, I apologise for not reading the entries earlier, there have been other things on my mind.

[Two Timer]

hahahahaha thats clever. youre just bleeding cynicism arent you? the evolution part is the best but i like the war part too at the end.

[Man-Alive!]

You're hilarious! And I think G-d does laugh at us, not jeering or mean-spirited laughter, but with grace. After all, some of his favorite people were bald (Paul of Tarsus, etc.).

[Chloe]

Aha, I love this. Especially the evolution part. Nice work xD

[Owl]

Oh, very good.

You know what you're talking about, and you know exactly how to say it. Can't add much more than that.

[talulu love]

wow ilove it

good job

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g91YGe5ouqs

[Martin See]

great piece...found certain parts very hilarious and illuminating...ha...ha...there's much truth said in humour...enjoyed this tremendously...