WHO AM I (PART 2)

she had fear he was explaining why

        

                                  

 

She said “we might fail

You re new in my life

I don’t want this risk”

 

“I am new yes I am

Fail takes a lot of things

Wounds, betray

Tears and pain

Ever had any of that?

Ask your self

Before saying that phrase”

 

“What I have is enough in my days

Who are you?

For me to change my ways”

 

“Oh settler listens to this

In life it’s hard to find

Someone to change our minds

No one does that

Unless he goes inside

That will be my trip

After I saw our sight

 

At surface, covered by closed doors

We spend our time

Let’s do the change for u and I

Knock, knock

 

Author's Note

He wants her, he is explaining.

Reviews

[Libby]

[ask yourself]
[explained]
[ I rather than i]

That's it. c:

[highthought]

mistakes were manged
case is closed
joining forces
bringing site at most
YES WE CAN
(usingtheir words
thats all )

[Magdelena]

'Who's there?' :) Ahh the plot thickens.. Yes there were some mistakes, but hey who cares. You speak with heart, that's what I like to see. Emotion, passion, that is what makes a writer.. I look at your words and see a man speaking softly to his lady, the one of his dreams.. And they are beautiful words indeed.

Now to the next piece..

Mags xx

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

He is speaking poetically to her. You do have a few mistakes easily fixed... i have them all the time but only notice when reading others so I depend on others to point my mistakes out to me. As for capitalizing I, i don't always do it.
First lines usually. Many people are a little put off by it.
What i look for is the emotion in poems but serious writers look at the entirity of a poem, the format, grammar and punctuation.
You have talent and beautiful words.

Chloe

[:)]

Again look over grammatical errors like capitalizing the I or spelling the word enough.
You have beautiful ideas and the more you write the better you will convey them. Just keep writing :)

[Stef Outsiders]

I don't understand still, well some of it i do...