Bottle Cap

1st person narrative, alone and lost in a changed world. A quick tale of love and loss.

This was the second body I had come across in the past week that hung from above, swaying slightly in the cross breeze that blew through the abandoned house. The limp body was slowly rotating and a quiet creaking in the rope fibers, stretching from the clockwise motion, was the only sound I could hear. I was completely alone, slowly forgetting the sound of my own voice. Yet I felt calm, for the past month I had all of the time in the world to my thoughts.

Pulling out my knife, I cut down the body and fumbled through the pockets of the worn hunting jacket. A few matches, some crumbled kibble and a bottle cap. Nothing too useful but I kept the matches and the bottle cap anyways. After a quick search through a bare and dusty kitchen, I went downstairs to see if I could find anything else. With the windows boarded, the basement was completely dark. My nostrils rose in response to the damp, mouldy scent that grew with each step down the concrete stairs. Standing at the base of the stairs with my back against the wall and the steps to my right, I pulled out my flashlight.

 

It was entirely empty except for a single metal pillar, barely four inches in diameter that stood in the middle of the room, seemingly supporting the house’s entire weight. Turning my flashlight towards the far corner, I noticed a wooden door with two cracks splitting across the otherwise plain oak. It was closed and the knob was missing, and I felt a faint gravity towards it. I stood for a moment, thinking, before setting off across the cold concrete floor. I was so fixated on the ragged cracks that I failed to notice my feet tracing through a puddle. Pausing to shake off my wet ankle, I glanced back toward the stairs which lay a dozen paces away. I stored the mental image, an escape route.

 

Next I reached over my shoulder into my backpack, grabbing the metal baseball bat that had served me well before. My knuckles turned white and my forearm muscles quivered as I hesitated, inspected the cracks, and listened for a sound from the other side. Only silence.  I stretched out with my left hand, still clasping the flashlight, and pushed the door, quickly stepping back as the heavy oak groaned. But it only opened an inch before catching.

 

Blood pumped through my veins carrying adrenaline in preparation. I flexed my hand around the taped grip of the bat and pushed hard with my left foot this time. Now the door swung open, banging loudly against the inside wall and sending vibrations through the concrete floor and into my feet.

 

A loud growl and bark responded to my intrusion. I turned my flashlight towards the sound and the light reflected off of a pair of glowing eyes. The beast charged towards me, claws scraping along the rough floor. I raised my bat above my head, ready to strike, but a thick metal chain restrained the attacker a yard short of me. The barking continued, rough and strained, overpowering the immense pounding in my chest. I swallowed my fear and breathed again, relaxing my raised arm and letting the bat drop to my side.

 

Snapping ferociously at the air between us was a young golden retriever with a soft, golden coat but a ghastly bald head with sickly sores and a scarlet mouth that dripped blood where there should have been saliva. At its feet sat a loaded rifle and part of an empty whiskey bottle, the rest of it was strewn across the floor in a million fragments. I calmly raised the bat above my head and brought it down in a swift and precise motion. Silence reclaimed its realm.

Author's Note

Let me know if I am being too obvious with my hints towards the nature of the short paragraph. Likewise, if you don't see the connection intended, please let me know so I can think of how to ensure that the reader follows my intended path to an emotional conclusion. Thanks!

Reviews

[Justin Carr]

Firstly, I enjoyed the opening. It was surreal, and for some odd reason I kept thinking of Russia. Your flow was good for the most part, the only problem was with some of the logic of things that happened in the story. Firstly, why are there so many bodies strung up? You mentioned that it was the third the character had discovered, which immediately interested me, as it's quite an odd thing to be finding so often. Whether it be suicide or say, a roaming band of bandits who want to make an example, I really wanted to know about that. Secondly was the fact that your character decided to keep the coins and bottle cap. I like that part, but it may be useful to throw in " I couldn't remember the last time I'd come across something so flagrantly "Old World. I couldn't think of any use for the coins, but I kept them anyways" because if he was going around collecting every coin and bottle cap he came across he'd have literally so many.

Anyways, I enjoyed the read and would like to see more. I was kind of shocked that he killed the dog, I was hoping he might tame it and keep it as a kind of "I am Legend"-esque companion, but I feel you were probably going for the shock value of it, in which case, it really worked. I feel you could definitely keep going with this, and there's tons of encounters that could help make a very interesting read. Look what you did with him just running into a dog!

[fwvalidus]

Thanks for the review - sorry that it has taken so long for me to reply here. The dog is intended to described so that you know it is a zombie dog. The bottle cap the character finds belongs to the smashed whiskey bottle. The rifle was going to be used to kill the zombie dog, but the person couldn't bring himself to do it and thus committed suicide (therefore answering your first question).

Cheers!

[Sora The Egotistical]

Well I'm not sure I really understand what hidden connection or message there was, then again I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for one until I finished. I assume the whiskey bottle is where the cap came from? So maybe the person who hung themselves encountered that dog? The whole thing has a post-apocalyptic feel so maybe there's some dangerous outbreak and that's why everyone's killing themselves...

Some things that annoyed or distracted me: You didnt describe the body at all. Is it a man or woman, what was the age range, did they look to be in good health? A lot of crucial details in painting the picture and fleshing out the status quo of this world are just skipped over, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with just "a body". Beyond that I'm not sure why the protagonist took the bottle cap. Assuming I'm right about this being some post-apocalyptic zombie story, it's already a little confusing they took the coins; the implication there is that society is still functioning in enough of a structure to where currency still has value so we're not Day of the Dead/Walking Dead level apocalypse here. But then what reason could they have for taking a bottle cap? What are they gonna do with it? It seemed like that was just there to connect with the whiskey bottle later but I don't understand the purpose either of them serve or why they're awarded so much narrative significance.

Overall it's pretty short so there's not much I can do in the way of analysis but nonetheless hope what findings I did make were sufficiently constructive.

[fwvalidus]

Thanks for reading and reviewing. I have had a couple of people point out the coins thing so I have replaced the coins with matches. Something that could be useful and is kept. The bottlecap is kept as a memento - we don't go into detail about why but I was hoping that it is assumed that the character takes the bottle cap as a reminder to himself that he is stronger than others before him who have ended it

The bottle cap is from the whiskey. The "body" drank some of it, thus why they have the cap. They drank it for liquid courage because they were going to put down their dog, their companion, who had contracted the disease. Given the dog is still snapping away and the "body" is hanging, there wasn't enough courage to do it. Only to end things for himself.

Thus why there is some kibble in the pocket too..

[miahstr]

Hey Validus,
This story reminded me of Fallout 4. Especially the bit with the bottle cap. I am not sure if you have ever played but in fallout the currency is bottlecaps. I enjoyed being inside this guys head. Thanks for sharing.

[fwvalidus]

Thanks for reading. I am glad that you enjoyed it. Did you understand the connection between the bottle cap and the whiskey bottle, the rifle and the hanging man, and the dog? I don't want it to be too obvious but I want the reader to realize still and so it would help if you let me know how you felt! Thanks!