Shipwrecked

I once heard the wives tell stories,

of the years it took to build her,

of the blood on the hands of their husbands and sons,

of the jealousy from their daughters.

I once heard the husbands tell stories,

hidden in homes from the gale,

they recounted the craftsmanship, white paint, and finish,

of her decks, her masts, her sails.

I once heard my mother tell stories,

of the clouds before the sun,

she was sealed on the outside, but hid cracks on the inside,

all anyone did was run.

I once heard my father tell stories,

of sailing that precious prize,

at the prophecy of a wreck she sank, that ship,

she had only been beauty for the eyes. 

Author's Note

Just because I've gotten a few questions regarding this...the ship is metaphorical. Please do not take this so literally.

Reviews

[A. Amos]

This is interesting and mesmerizing piece, simply beautiful

[SonOfPlunder]

This seems like it should belong in some kind of high fantasy novel, as a reference to a legend from days gone by. Really good work

[MoriartyMesa]

My mind is forever matching words and music. I hope this is a fit due to the emotion of the wording https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdDtOOJgTzc

[Sami Khalil]

A good metaphorical write...>).....................

[Nix]

An interesting write. Refreshingly story-like, not many poems like that on WC. Well written.

[Relic]

I once heard the wives tell stories,
of the years it took to build her,
of the blood on the hands of their husbands and sons,
of the hatred from their daughters.

Not sure why the daughters had hatred or who they had hatred for?

I once heard my mother tell stories,
of the clouds before the sun,
she was sealed on the outside; concealed cracks on the inside,
and all they could do was run.

(concealed cracks on the inside, and all they could do was run.
This sounds slightly confusing. You're probably talking about the cracks running along the inside of the ship, yet it could also refer to men in the ship running. A tiny ambiguity like this could confuse your audience.

There are some inconsistencies with rhyme as well. I think with some revision this could be a little better. Still a good poem.

[gabiaimee]

Hint: I'm not talking about a literal ship. I left it vague on purpose to open it to interpretation, and the meter was not my priority here, but it fit nicely enough. It was a song, that's why it's slightly off. But I'll fix it for you now....

[Relic]

Don't fix it on my account. If you had a certain meaning perhaps I just didn't understand it. That was just my interpretation, others may think different then me and probably will. You're the writer, you decide what's right. :)

[Relic]

Hmm, Its not about abuse right? Hmm?

[gabiaimee]

No...closer though

[Relic]

Doe it have to do with the mother and father's hard lives growing up?

[gabiaimee]

More like the different views of men vs. women toward "the ship"

[Relic]

"The ship" hmm, so I take it that's a metaphor for something?

[Relic]

It's not speggetti sauce I know that... :D Just kidding.

[gabiaimee]

It's a metaphor

[Relic]

Hmm, I'm lost.