You

A letter to someone.

Dear you,

I am thinking of you. I'm thinking of all the times we had shared and all the memories we could have made. I'm remembering how you smelled and what you looked like when you first woke up in the morning or from an afternoon nap. I am thinking of how you thought about the world in such a peculiar way and how you changed the way I wanted to think as well. All of my aspirations in life changed when I met you and your strange mind. 

I've also come to the realization that every time someone would ask what you were like, the words "beautiful mess" came to mind. But I didn't mind that you didn't have your life figured out. How could you have so much figured out if you weren't even sure if tomorrow would be yours to claim. I understand you now, but I wish you would have let me understand you then. It doesn't mean much to know your mind now because it won't erase all the nefarious thoughts you had about yourself. Today will not change yesterday and I have come to terms with that concept. 

But I can't help but wonder what led you to your destructive thoughts. I thought I was doing everything right. I showed you what love could be like and I tried my hardest to make you understand that all I wanted was you. I never cheated or lied to you, I never did anything to hurt you because you meant everything to me.

 Yet you still picked up a bottle of sleeping pills and decided that you never wanted to wake up. You decided that waking up to another day was worse than kissing death and allowing her to steal you and never let you see me again.

 That was selfish of you in ways that I will never be able to tell you. I will never be able to hold you again, or kiss your forehead, tell you that I love you. You took that away from me. You took everything away from me because that is what you were. Everything. I can no longer sleep at night because I don't feel the warmth that radiated from your body. I also know that I will never wake up to you pushing my hair away from my face and whispering "I love you" in my ear again. It hurts in ways you cannot imagine.Waking up is something I no longer want. I want what you have. Infinite slumber. That way I can see you whenever I want. I can hold you again. I can love you again. 

I will be with you soon, my love.

Yours truly,

       Me.

Author's Note

I wrote this for a writing contest about sending a letter to a loved one.