I have a dream...

I have a dream;

that one day, these smiles may turn real

and my heart will sing again, like it used to,

that these terrible scars may fade

and leave behind only faint memories

of a thoughtless time, a bleaker past.

There is a tornado, that invades my heart,

every single day; and makes my mind wander

to unwanted, undeserving thoughts.

Is it terrible selfish of me, to wonder when my heart will rest?

But I can keep dreaming...

and a dream I have.

What would a person do when hit with 

sheer loneliness?

Take forbidden means to rid themselves

of this terrible feeling, of course.

Means that may hurt

but provide a momentary relief, scars

on my thighs, my arms, my stomach - all hid by clothing.

What did I do to deserve this?

Why have I to suffer? 

Is it just me, or do millions go through this

every single day, hurting each minute?

Is love, or death, the only way

to happiness, to relief? 

I have a dream.

These demons aren't kind

they make me weep every night.

So full of sorrow that I need just

a friend, a companion.

It is surely not so much to ask?

I have a dream,

that one day, I'll know the purpose of life again.

Reviews

[NIGHT OWL]

"What would a person do when hit with
sheer loneliness?
Take forbidden means to rid themselves
of this terrible feeling"

Wow. A Beautiful write. The pain you speak radiates in these words and I feel your heart.
I also really like that last line a great deal.

The purpose of life... it's a huge thing for us humans to know. We Need to know. We need to know why we breathe. Why why why...

It's a process to figure out. And even when you do have an answer -- it won't suffice. They'll always be new questions that surface to replace the last. And know that, purpose is self created. You are the sum of all the parts -- of everyone you've met, of every thing you've seen/done/tried. It's not a thing that will just be known. You have to be the one, take all the understandings you've collected, sit down with your thoughts, and create a path.

And yes... people feel this way.
I don't understand why this suffering - though we know others go through it too - still haunts us so. Its infuriating how miserable it can be.

Stay strong. Nice write.

[SuperVaish]

I am very grateful :) You're too kind. Thank you very much indeed. Creating a path seems to be the problem now. I hope the future is kinder to me haha...

[Jen Walters]

I have been here many many times myself and am not proud of the destructive behaviors that resulted. My husband is the only one in my life who reached out to me and now we're inseparable. I hope one day your dreams come true.

[SuperVaish]

Thanks! I really appreciate it :)