"I have nothing to apologize for"

This is a vent poem, and my first poem I have posted to here. As you can see I'm going through a rough patch in my life and right now writing is my outlet to let all this negative energy out of me.

"I have nothing to apologize for"

Those words still hum in my ears like a malicious lullaby sung by an alluring demon,

Those words still come back to haunt me after I drift off into a temporary death every night,

Those words have became so fimilar to me that they have tattooed into my soul, creating a scar shaped into the words "I have nothing to apologize for" 

"I have nothing to apologize for"

You don't have to apologize for destroying my spirit, my mind, and my body,

You don't have to apologize for turning me into a walking cloud of darkness,

You don't have to apologize for having me to pretend that everything is okay,

You don't have to apologize for letting my soul slip right through your fingers like silky sand,

"I have nothing to apologize for"

How badly I wanted to scream at you about how foolish you are and bang my fists against your chest,

I tried everything in my will power to hold tears back in front of you,

But it was like holding up a tower of cement on my shoulders to keep it from crashing down,

And the paste that glued the tower of cement together were my feelings for you,

"I have nothing to apologize for"

Every second was worst than the last,

Each tick of the clock the more physical pain my body withstand from my heart shattering

Each cry, a roll of thunder rippled through the atmosphere, 

Each tear shed and the rain outside pattered harder and harder against my window to remind me that this was real,

"I have nothing to apologize for"

I turned lethargic, numb, depressed, and lost,

I was bitter like the taste of burnt coffee and cough medicine,

I was emotionally exhausted that I was in a deep slumber for seventeen hours,

I hadn't eaten a trace of food in 72 hours,

But it was't food I was hungry for, I was hungry to feel something,

"I have nothing to apologize for"

Oh how I wish I could send this woebegone poem to you,

So you could see how much you destroyed a part of someone,

I would say that you broke my heart, but that's clichque and an understatement,

I broke my soul,

A piece of it that I can never get back, lost at the bottom of the deep black sea.

Author's Note

please ignore any grammer problems that might have slipped through