Child of the Night

Written for the "One-Syllable Words Only Chall-onge" contest. As from that title, I could only use one-syllable words.

 

“Why must you do this to me?” I asked the man in front of me.

“I want you.”

He had a choice. He did not have to do this, but I knew he would. He was too far gone to stop now.

His sharp nails sliced through my back and I could see blood on them. I could not scream. I was too scared.

He was a Night Man, the ones that forced us to lock our doors if we wished to see the next day.

Fear filled my blood. He would kill me, and I would not see the day again. He came at me with his fangs. They clamped down on my throat. A thrill shot through me as my life left me.

My name is Gwen. I am part of the day no more. I am a Child of the Night.

Reviews

[Crystal Lynn]

Ahh, good job! It *is* so infuriating, isn't it? Ah, but that's the challenge! Something that flows and is effective AND uses a limited vocabulary, in this case, one-syllable words? I had this assignment in one of my creative writing classes and I actually ended up writing the story about how impossible writing the story was XD
Good luck in the contest!

[ATG]

Considering the challenge that was placed upon you by the contest, this was really good. I find myself wanting to learn more abou the Night Men. This was a very good read.

[Eclipsing Moon]

bothered by this analogy or alegory.."His sharp nails sliced through my back and I could (see ?)blood on them?...maybe "could visualize the blood that dripped from them...nails like serated blades "...? carving his intent into Me as ragged as his breathing was in My ear..."

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Very goood. From the mind of a vampire's victim.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Single syllables appear to make the writing stilted eh? Well, you did a great job here.

[Dusty]

This is really good. Nice flow and good length. However, there were some two syllable words in it.... =P I don't think I could've done this though. Nice job!

[Tina Kline]

This is really good. The way it was written I thought made it very intense.

[Lyra H]

I love the last line, it ends your story on a perfectly dark note.