My Eye Beholds a Winsome Song

Editing help from Richard

My eye beholds a winsome song for naught

but I to hear; and tho, nay ears can speak

my words will sail, unfurl, such want and reach

a  rocky, jagged bleed too far aloft.

My only ring  undone was held and fought

a heart sublime to render fallow each.

Her love and fields left empty; long impeached

in future hemlock groves tween strangled thought.

Nay words to thee from pinkest lips upon

frail grassy knoll dare mean to drink my fill.

Your nectar there, as dew, so sweet to tongue

repleat with mercies yielding bliss now gone.

Depart and send up song for ears to thrill

this heart and stop the bleed for love's undone.

Author's Note

The Petrarchan sonnet is divided into two stanzas, the octave (the first eight lines) followed by the answering sestet (the final six lines). The rhyme scheme, abba, abba, cdecde or cdcdcd

Reviews

[Barbara Walker]

I just love the way poetry says everything so eloquently. These words are so beautiful-winsome,song, naught, sail, unfurl, aloft, sublime, groves, grassy, knoll, nectar, dew, bliss, sweet and thrill-that I had to remind myself that I was witnessing heartbreak. Excellent, E.

[Einstein Noodle]

;) ....perfect! ...thank you my friend! thank you very very much :))
E.

[DIVYA]

This was so beautiful to read. I've never tried a sonnet and always in awe of those who can. The pain was felt and the composition was perfect. Well done E!

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you for taking time and such an encouraging, kind review. I am so glad you enjoyed it. they are most certainly a pain to do .. for me at least .. but worth it once finally sculpted. keep staying safe out there Ms. Divya!
E.

[DIVYA]

You are most welcome dear E. Stay safe you too. Hugs. 🙋‍♀️💕

[heavenscentgirl1]

THIS IS A BEAUTIFULLY. PENNED SONNET E. AS I READ EACH LINE , EVERY WORD TOUCHED ME DEEPLY AND BROUGHT BACK MANY MEMORIES OF LONG AGO. I APPLAUD YOU ON LEARNING AND BEING ABLE TO WRITE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SONNET. HSG 😇

[Einstein Noodle]

what a treat and welcome sight of your pic and name Ms. Heavenscent! it has been a while .. there are so many good friends we all have here it is difficult to keep up with all .. we try tho .. and I will be giving you a visit presently .. like old friends re-uniting ;) thank you for your encouraging review .. sonnets are most difficult for me .. i am simply untrained in them .. Richard was most kind with his helping me. he is an awesome teacher of classic forms in my opinion .. i am happy and feel gratified you enjoyed reading .. it makes the effort and time all worth it. love on ya and please stay safe out there!

[heavenscentgirl1]

IT WAS MY PLEASURE TO READ YOUR SONNET MY FRIEND. I AGREE THAT RICHARD IS A WONDERFUL TEACHER BUT MY. NOGGIN. WAS. JUST. TOO. THICK TO ALLOW THE RULES OF THE SONNET TO SOAK IN SO. I JUST GAVE. UP. I. MAY TRY AGAIN SOMEDAY? HAVE A BLESSED DAY MY FRIEND
HSG 😇🌈🙏

[Einstein Noodle]

i hear you .. forms and fitting into them is like a too small corset! :)))))))

[Gideon X. A. Elson]

How sweet loss can seem when pen meets paper! Alas! I believe it was Tennyson who said "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" this brings me back to that marvelous work. Bravo

[Einstein Noodle]

nice to meet you Gideon .. yes! i agree that loving and loosing is better than to have never .. our pain and loss can mold our character into more compassionate, epathetic viewpoints if we let it .. but is is no fun .. no .. such hurt stays with us tho softer .. it remains .. thank you for taking time .. i'll come knocking for sure .. be well! stay healthy .. love and peace
E.

[CD Campbell]

Most of your poems make me feel like I'm a little late to the party. You have a lot of views and reviews. Ha. You definitely appear to me to be a master of breaks and beat, so when I saw this I had to stop, read, absorb, and give you a hearty back slap in words. Pretty damn good R&M. I liked this one a lot. Sometimes they can be a headache to write, but you've shown your range, made it your big B. Good stuff.

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you for such encouragement ... tho you may be sorry ;} i have a need to ground me self from time to time and attempt strict form ... always a struggle for me .. but the latest i wrote was a big surprise to me as it came more easily and needed less re-doing ... Richard has been generous with his time and knowledge and helps me along .. that has been a big benefit as well .. pretty happy you found this one and enjoyed .. its about a huge lost love of mine many years ago .. but i am blessed as we remain friends to this day ;) doesn't always work out like that does it?! love and peace CD .. thanks so much for taking time to read and review
E.

[CD Campbell]

You are very welcome.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Lilting, lovely classical poem. Form and rhyme pristine. Exquisitely passionate "Send up song for ears to thrill the heart and stop the bleed for love's undone."-Methinks the Bard is smilling down on you sir E.!:)

[Einstein Noodle]

so glad you visited this one Annette...it is so out of my norm and is difficult for me ..so i have a certain pride in its completion more than others .. and to receive responses such as yours is very very gratifying and encouraging..thank you so much ...
E.

[barleygirl]

I'm sorry I can't go into raptures over this poem. I'm just not "into" this hoity-toity Elizabethan type language. To me, it makes a poem sounds like every other Elizabethan type poem to my undiscerning ear. I know there must be some bangin' crafting going on here, but I find myself cottoning more to a conversational style, I guess (((HUGS)))

[Einstein Noodle]

i know you do Ms. barley! so bravo for getting through it ;) not my norm either but I attempt classic styles from time to time just so I have more solid ground to launch from ..love and joy! i sure appreciate your visits!
E.

[barleygirl]

One of my weaknesses is not trying new things more often than I do. Occasionally I'll try on a perspective that's very different from my own. I admire you for being flexible & explorative! (((HUGS)))

[Einstein Noodle]

love your hugs! its funny that when fitting everything to this Italian Sonnet form it kind of impressed the language used upon me rather than me choosing it .. i would encourage any and all to try these sorts of things .. tho inhibiting it can also lend a sense of freedom once its completed .. sure do love your visits my friend!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

there is almost hope at the end...that someone could start a new song for you to see. I love all the paradoxes in this---
"my only ring undone"
i've had a few of those "undone"
it is like unmaking the rings in Lord of the Rings...have to climb Mt. Doom.

love your perspectives and usage of imagery, E.
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks jacob ... very much appreciate your reviews always .. Lord of the Rings ... very cool this popped that into your head ...can't say how many times I have read them books .. including the
"Silmarillion" ..such a tale ... the making of the ring and the undoing is exhausting .. but a wealth of "stuff" for the creative ..thanks again for stopping by jacob ..its encouraging :)
E.

[Einstein Noodle]

ps. have you seen this?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kT-1MjThHEk

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, the "Silmarillion" getting through the first 200 pages a bit troublesome, but then the making of the rings and the hints of middle earth...got interesting...me too on the others...Hobbit about 4 times, the trilogy 3 times....my favorite literature ever, and i don't even like fantasy, as a rule.

[Einstein Noodle]

yep ...so engrossing .. amazing world he created ..way back in the 40 ish years ... i have 4 children and they wore out the original books I had .. i have to say i was very proud of them .. reading with fervor at such young ages ...(their mom taught them well)

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Gene... My father was an avid reader of Shakespeare. I appreciate your poetry with a twist of lime... as though drinking your words is intoxicating. truly, Pat

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you Patty ..you are very kind .. its wonderful this brought thoughts of your Da to mind ..so glad you enjoyed getting a little liquored up ;))
E.

[Sami Khalil]

"dare mean to drink my fill.
Your nectar there, as dew, so sweet to tongue
repleat with mercies yielding bliss now gone.
Depart and send up song for ears to thrill"

[Sami Khalil]

"My only ring undone was held and fought
a heart sublime to render fallow each.
Her love and fields left empty; long impeached"

[Einstein Noodle]

double thanks Sami ... i am very gratified and truly humbled you quote the lines .. i am kinda proud of this one ..its not my normal ilk ... thank you very much times two :)
E.

[Sami Khalil]

Wow. You are welcome...;).....................