Just Words

attempting on rhyming poetry

Adorning silks and velvets, betrayals sing and dance,
In the halls of memories, I yearn to catch a glance
Of the moment lost in past, when you sang to me,
Promises and oaths, but in growing mist I see,
You holding her hand and dancing with her
With every step you take, stabbing sounds I hear,
Those words of love, shrieks of demons they sound,
A moment of trust left me with the deepest wound.

Author's Note

any suggestions on how to improve my writing? Mistakes you want to point out? You are most welcome, it'll be helpful for me. :)

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really like how you use slant rhyme in this piece..."sound" and "wound" "her and hear"

much like emily dickinson...who fantasized about love but stayed safe and reclusive...

i feel the speaker here pulling back...hear those counterfeit words and feeling that stabbing pain anytime she would endeavor to move toward love.
remainders are reminders that often hold us back.

[M.K. Jawdat]

thank you so much

[Coyote Poetry]

Sad and powerful description leading the reader to a sad ending. I like how you described the disappointment. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[M.K. Jawdat]

thank you so much

[Tinkerbellje]

Good little poem. Well done.

[Chrys]

I think lost love when I read this. I feel the pain of a struggle to move forward without that steady burning affection in your heart being reciprocated. Would that be accurate ? You have an amazing way with expression. Incredible piece. I love it.

[M.K. Jawdat]

Yes right. Thanks for your comment

[Zahra]

Nice one, nice attempt, keep it up