My Biggest Mistake

This goes along with my poem, The Final Goodbye

As I stepped into the cold night, I shivered. Not because of the cold air whipping at my face, but because I had a strange feeling about tonight. I kept seeing her face flash through my mind. The mixture between anger, desperation and acceptance. I couldn't figure it out. Had I done something to make her run off? Or was something else bothering her? Either way, she made me realize that I had something to confess. I had to break a heart, to chase after another. 

As I climbed the hill, calling out into the night, my heart  beat faster and faster. What if something happened to her? I would never forgive myself. I waited too long to do what I should have done years ago. I started moving faster, just wanting to know she was safe. That's when I saw her, at the bottom of the hill. She looked lost and yet completely sure of herself. 

When I reached the bottom of the hill she started to run. I followed. She finally stopped when she came to a large tree. I thought she was finally giving in and coming back inside, but then she did something I wasn't ready for. She climbed the tree. Before I knew it she was placing a noose around her neck. I tried to get to her before she jumped, but I was too late. But I did get one quick glance at her face and I realized why she was doing this. It's all my fault. Why didn't I just tell her when I had the chance? 

I pulled her in as fast I could, hoping I had made it in time. But as i looked into her helpless blue eyes I realized that even if I saved her from the noose, nothing would have changed. Her heart was dying. It's been dying ever since that day. The day she saw me with Alice. I didn't think anything of it then. I was her friend and that's all she thought of me. Or so I thought. But now I  can clearly see I was wrong. 

I held her close as I headed back towards the house. She was almost dead. All the life quickly draining from her fragile body. I leaned down and gently kissed her on the forehead. I had to clear things up before it was too late. "I love you," I whispered, " I always have" She gave me a weak smile signaling her final goodbye. Right then and there the part of my heart that will always belong with her, died as well. I layed her body down, fell to my knees, and lost all of my composure. My body wracking sobs could be heard well into the night.

Reviews

[Persona]

Gorgeous imagery, shame about the delivery. It felt like 'this is a tree' 'she ran' very factual and lacking true emotion. I do like the settings though, and it had a lovely title. When you say "break a heart to chase another" does that mean the girl he chases now is one he doesn't love? The little 'i' in paragraph four. Watch out for those. Then you change tenses "her heart was dying" (past) "it's been dying" (present)
I like the overall plot, but the last three lines could be shown rather than told.

[KristiLee]

Thank you for the feedback, I appreciate the honesty. This is actually something very different for me, so I needed the help. It makes more sense if you also read The Final Goodbye. Basically, he's with one girl but truly loves this one. Turns out they were both too late though.

[Brittany]

Wow. What a piece. I think this was well written and you told the story well. Very sad that he didn't see his actions clearly until it was too late. Nice job.