Palm Tree's Lullaby

Palm Tree's Lullaby

A Poem by I Cast a Shadow

Mango; the sunset fades away
Whispers a promise of new day.
Near by Palm Tree rests with the Sea.
Waves crash into eternity.
Lazily, drooping, hanging eyes.
Giving shade 'neath sweet salty skies.
Fronds sway merrily to-and-fro.
Slow strong melody sounds do sew.
Wet sun sinks deep into unknown.
Night drapes Palm 'n Sea whilst they drone.
Moon greets soft with stars young and old.
Orb glows from sun in lands untold.
Peace and comfort never run dry.
Only a Palm Tree's lullaby.

© 2011 I Cast a Shadow



Author's Note

I Cast a Shadow
My flow seems choppy. Any advice? I think if I rearrange words and replace some this could be flawless.

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About your flow; sometimes a choppy flow is what is needed. Sometimes it just makes the poem disjointed. But in this write your imagery creates a good foundation that even a choppy flow can stand on. But what you could try, is to be a bit more sparing with rhyme perhaps? Otherwise there are no major problems in this write.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

It's a bit succinct, but I think its generally very good, I like the last two lines especially

Posted 4 Years Ago


About your flow; sometimes a choppy flow is what is needed. Sometimes it just makes the poem disjointed. But in this write your imagery creates a good foundation that even a choppy flow can stand on. But what you could try, is to be a bit more sparing with rhyme perhaps? Otherwise there are no major problems in this write.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Fronds blow lazily,
The tree hums in the warm breeze.
The day is passing.

-A haiku review

Posted 6 Years Ago



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4 Reviews
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Added on August 12, 2011
Last Updated on August 12, 2011
Tags: vacation, lullaby, night, time, sleep, palm, tree, tropic, tropical, sea, ocean, island, maui, hawaii, sun, moon, cool

Author

I Cast a Shadow
I Cast a Shadow

Portland, OR



About
I read classics, science fiction, philosophy, and very little fantasy. I am inspired by Taoism and other Eastern philosophy, anarchy, new concepts, my ancestry, my muse, her family, my own family, .. more..

Writing