Dark Chariot

Dark Chariot

A Poem by Shadowlily

Scorch me with thy words of fire

I will not burn under the heat

Send thy hell hounds full of desire

They will not obey Monsieur

Take my life, you damned vampire

I'd rather die than be yours

Tell me more of what you admire

I will not...

Pause... to... retire

I... I refused to go

Please stop to look at me dark stranger

I feel him in my soul.

Tell me more you sweet liar

I will listen though I know

What is wrong with me my sire ?

I love you so

To his home we traveled

Quiet and slow

I am lost to what just transpired

In the darkness we rode

You could feel his voice burn as he spoke

"I will never let you go" 






© 2010 Shadowlily



Author's Note

Shadowlily
Lol I don't know what to say other than, be kind =)

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Featured Review

The rhyme is excellent. The meter is off in places, but I don't think you should change it... it gives the poem an almost rugged feeling, which I like. Your choice, though.

I got really excited at the beginning, hoping it would be a diss on Twilight-like, automatic vampire love. But I like how it turned out even better: it seems as if the narrator has been hypnotized somehow during the ...'d section, and the shift is clear. A rather eerie ending... his voice burns... "never let you go"... I can't decide if it's good or bad. But maybe that's the point! ;)

Overall, an entertaining poem. Great job.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

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ZeN
Very introspective and dark.. I can relate and love to write this way..

Posted 6 Years Ago


This too was a very dramatic fast-paced write I loved it

Posted 6 Years Ago


ooooo dark...hate to be there.. good write tho

Posted 6 Years Ago


The rhyme is excellent. The meter is off in places, but I don't think you should change it... it gives the poem an almost rugged feeling, which I like. Your choice, though.

I got really excited at the beginning, hoping it would be a diss on Twilight-like, automatic vampire love. But I like how it turned out even better: it seems as if the narrator has been hypnotized somehow during the ...'d section, and the shift is clear. A rather eerie ending... his voice burns... "never let you go"... I can't decide if it's good or bad. But maybe that's the point! ;)

Overall, an entertaining poem. Great job.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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186 Views
4 Reviews
Rating
Added on December 1, 2010
Last Updated on December 1, 2010
Tags: Dark, Vampire, desire, deceit, hell, darkness, power

Author

Shadowlily
Shadowlily

Youngstown, OH



About
I'm random but sensible. I'm young but wise. I've lived through pain but died a little inside. I am stronger than I was before. I'm not religious but I resurrected myself. I'm the li.. more..

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