Ordinary Courage

Knowing…

  that the sound the match makes when it strikes

         to light the candle

     necessary for illuminating a path -

       may draw gunfire in darkness.

And doing it anyway,

           because finding  a place safe to be

                 authentic-

                     is stronger than your fear.

Opening…

     to feel the vibration and thrum

        of another’s heartbeat,

              even from within the bitterness

     of cursing your God

          for apparently putting you on this earth

             to walk alone.

Looking…

    into the eyes and heart

        of a great or petty tyrant, 

            and recognizing something

vulnerable and hot and shameful

      in your own being

               staring back.

Admitting…

   that no amount of washing

      erases the stains of humanity

    on the soul’s best garment, as it wears over time

          and still not wearing

             either another's armor or borrowed coat

  out in public.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

I watched a video this morning. It was of a religiously motivated beheading. A woman dressed in ordinary clothes, that you or I might wear, being crudely but efficiently beheaded with a sharp knife, in a crowd of onlookers. For some small, non-violent offense against religious sensibilities... probably adultery or premarital sex or refusing marriage or belonging to the wrong class of people or for some payment her husband or brother or father refused to send. It was impossible to tell where the video was. It culd have been Mexico, it could have been the Middle East. She was dark featured but nondesript. Point is... someone, a lot of someones, thought that she deserved this.

*** graphic content ahead***

You could see the knife enter her throat. You could see real blood pour as her arteries were pierced. You could see the business-like method by which her head was severed from her body, the spinal cord sawed through, as a life bled away. The triumph as her head was lifted with her sightless staring eyes looking out. I did not listen to the video with sound. The triumph and body stance of her appointed moral executioner suggested that the crowd cheered.

****

People asked me recently why words matter, why people are so dmaned sensitve to "just words." It is because of this video. Because words frame the culture we want to live in. Because words that dehumanize others enable unpseakable acts of cruelty in person. Because what happened in that video is happening to girls and women in many parts of the world for thier humanity of having sex, making poor choices in partners, being born in the wrong place. It is happening to journalists and human rights workers. it is happening at an alarming rate to people who speak out on the environment. It could realistically be me in that video one day.

Words allow us to connect. Empathy lets us feel the fear and pain of the woman being beheaded in that video; imagining it is our sister, friend, wife, daughter, niece. Or us. Honesty lets us face the discomfort of being one of that crowd who watched and did nothign, or cheered, or wished they were elsewhere. It requires courage to realize we could be the one working the knife.

Ordinary courage, to me, is being willing to stand up and say, I want to take steps to ensure that my daughter is not the one slaughtered for her weakness of being female. That my son is never the one holding that knife. That neither stand by and let this happen, either in reality or vicariously, in the places they consider to be their community. The larger I choose to make my community, the more I am forced to care.

It is just me, but my only response to violence can be to make the light stronger.

**updated**

I spoke with the friend through whom I saw the video. He is a student, studying human behavior in religious zealotry; he watches these videos to understand them, to analyze them, to catalog them by type and commonalities; etc. He said, "I have seen several, and it turns my stomach each time."

This was not staged. It is one thing to watch a movie simulation on the big screen. It is another thing to read about it. It is another thing to watch it happening. I am no stranger to bodily trauma, but this left me unable to function for a full day. I felt there was value in facing it, so I watched. There is value in facing our collective shadow, the logic of incivility and dehumanization carried to its inherent potential. I cannot ask anyone else to watch it. If you feel, as I did, that you need to, for your own reasons, I have the link. Message me. I have decided I will not post it here.

***

This work was also translated into Spanish:

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/zorra_encantada/1166588/

Reviews

[Ken Simm.]

Your notes are intrinsicallly part of the write and I feel strongly should not be seen as mere notes. (as if they ever could)
Again I wonder how people feel so strongly they are right. So much in the right they may take anothers life for whatever reason be it religious, be it personal, be it political or be it regarded as right minded.
Again it is one thing to murder it is a whole other thing to do it as if justified. And here I know I am preaching to the converted, (I've just realised whilst writing that last sentence how ironic that sounds) but evangelism of any kind is inherently wrong minded. It is perhaps the most serious neurosis we have suffered from in recent times. Witch hunts and inquisitions of history notwithstanding. It is this because it cannibal feeds upon itself as this horrific and inhuman act signifies.
This is the wrong of the world. Hate generates hate. The karmic debt placed upon the world by such acts can never be repayed. No the debt is placed upon humanity as a whole. Not just the chief perpatrators, not just the audience but the whole of humanity. Even we who watch the video played on our 21st century technology are as guilty in many ways. Why because the murderering societies that perform these acts know they can publicise their barbarism and therefore recieve an extra frisson by doing so. They can ultimately claim no justification but then morally neither can we. It is allowed. It always has been either overtly or tacitly. It is explained away. The disease is never, ever treated. The symptoms may be recognised once in a while but this is only the tutting of a helpless adult when faced with unreasonable behaviour. It can only be fought against and it is a war that cannot be won.
Your poem is reactionary, political, beautiful, angry, and revolutionary. It is remarkably honest, forthright and strong. It is needed, it is creative in the midst of absolute horror. It is painful and at the same time life affirming. I found it strangely loving.It works on so many levels and yet it will never work on the one level it should do.
This is the reason I feel very, very strongly you should never publise the link to this video. Your write is the correct response. To put it simply it will not be seen by the majority as educational. It will be seen by those who should not see it despite your best efforts. It will be used for the wrong reasons and you will be giving that obscene act of degregation and inhumanity a further life it should neither have or deserve. You are fighting in the correct way. Most who view that video are not you. The people who wuld get the points you are trying to make have got the points already.
I am sorry about the preaching attitude I seem to have taken in this review. A charge of rightous evangelism could also be left at my door and I would have to hold my hands up and say mea culpa. Perhaps it is a question of degree.

[Marie Anzalone]

Ken, yo are given eprmission to put typos on my page any time. I have thought about your words all day. I am tired, and I am getting up at 4:00 am to start workign again. Please forgive me if it takes me a while to come back and respond properly. In my defense, I have a rough draft of a thesis to finish for a meeting tomorrow. I simply do nto have the mental or emotional energy remaining to do this justice right now.

[Marie Anzalone]

Ken:
Dear friend. I could learn so much in your company.
Firdt, let me ask a technical question: do you have any idea how to make the notes into something more than an author's note, in relation to the poem itself?

I discussed your words with myself and others. There are no easy answers. Do we have the moral luxury of continuing to turn away? Would viewing it make us hardened, even more than we already are? Would it depend on whose story we focused on in that video: the executioner's, the crowd's, the society's, ours, or the woman's? Can we argue that she has a right to have her story told, her face remembered, her quiet terror, memorialized? That we have the imperative to see such things as a reminder of how wrong things can go? That when the Holocaust can be denied; the use of chemical weapons and starvation as tactics of control by governments, ignored; genocide forgotten- does it take soemthign of more shock value to break us out of our shells and find that empathy we so lack? Or does it just contribute to raising the bar of what we find commonplace?

I could not function for a full day after watching that video. A fellow writer, a man, took 3 days to recover. When I came back from the Peace Corps, I found that most people had about a 5 minute attention span for listening to what I had witnessed and experienced there. My friends who were soldiers in VietNam, Iraq, Afghanistan- they typically don't even get asked to tell their stories. I make it apoint to listen, to observe- but you bring up a good question: are we any better, if we feel powerless to do anyhting other than witness? And what can you say about people who excuse such violence with a shrug, or worse yet, get enjoyment from watching it?

In the end, I decided to change my note to make the video available for those who felt a need to watch it. That way, I have some small control over its accessibility. People can find it themselves if they really wanted to. My friend, who, studies sociology and human cruelty, told me how. It is like any other mind-altering experience: under controlled conditions, in a user of great maturity, it has great power to awaken and enlighten. Otherwise, it has great power to destroy, enable, insulate, and encourage apathy or violence.

One would wish that on a writer's site, you would find more of the former. Bitter experience has taught me that this is far from the reality.

[Ken Simm.]

I'm sorry my friend I don't know the answer to your technical question. But I will try to find out if you like.
I too have considered your words deeply and your reply to my review equally. I find I am still of the same opinion when it comes to who should see this and who would want to see this video and their motives for watching. I feel that I would find the motives of anyone who wanted to watch this atrocity, suspect.
I will add the caveat unless you knew them very well indeed.
I still feel that all the pertinant points are made to the educated in your fine poem. I further still feel that anyone desiring to watch this awful thing when they know what it is would be doing it from the most spurious of motives.
I feel no-one can have 'correct' motives here. The thing is too raw, too emotive. Speaking as an artist I would feel the thing goes beyond the senses and perhaps affect us in more ways than we can specify. This is how neurosis are built. Trauma can come second or third hand without the subject realising and become deep rooted.
If you like to call us the enlightened or the intelligent or the experienced we cannot fail to be moved by your vivid description. In short we don't have to see the video for the full effect to move us, make us wish to act, for us to do something.
My wrry is as it has always been that the majority will want to watch from the most spurious of motives and therefore weaken the necessary outpouring of outrage, grief, support for the oppressed, attempts to understand and change the oppressors. I wonder if the posters of the original video know how many hits they have had and their reasons for posting in the first place. Do they see the number of hits as all messages of support? If they do then they are fatally wrong.
To know this is happening is enough for me. I know enough without seeing that woman's blessed face, ithout knowing her name. Without feeding my darker side, whatever that may be. I say that because I honestly don't know.

[Ken Simm.]

I also think that we do become immune to these things to some extent. Just think how how more graphic TV has become over recent years. I also believe that the way to change is right mindedness over time, not becoming immune because it becomes commonplace.
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.”
Gandhi.

[Marie Anzalone]

Sorry this has taken me so long to get back to, my friend. Among other things, I just plain feel traumatized revisiting this work.

I definitely appreciate your views and points. That same Gandhi quote also appealed to me. As I stated before, I have no easy amswers. I cannot even join the ones who say, "love is the answer," because blind "love" without critical awareness of a larger context leads to these situations. Jeffrey Sachs makes a very compelling argument dispelling the myth of the lazy poor person, and also points out that the US culture (at the time) was the only one in the world who actually believed in victim-blaming as a general rule. It seems that others have caugh tup to us in some regards, although recently empathy studies show "Western" cultures to be very incapable of empathy (one of the strongest indicators for psychopathy) compared to the rest of the world... with the US as an outlier even among outliers. The study I read brought up some very good questions about the validity of experiments into so-called universal human nature when the subject population was based in the US (or other Western cultures). I have found this to be true in my own interactions with the Maya Indians of Central America. It seems more than justcultural differences... basic core values and abilities are very different. I am often caught unawares by the astounding level of emotional maturity in some areas, and their knowledge of current world events, and the high degree of empathy they tend to show, although our influence is working its way down slowly, and there is a shift towards a greater focus on money and status in the younger generation than I saw before.

I have conversed about topics like this is some length with others, including several other writers on this site, but I can really only ever speak for myself. Is there a difference between seeing staged (sanitized) violence and real violence? I tell you the thing that haunts me most about this video is not the anger or hatred... there is none. it is the passivity with which all is accepted, the impartiality and efficiency with which it is done. I have butchered animals with more compassion than that woman was shown. As my venerable friend Lonestar pointed out, after he watched it, the guy used the same technique his father (a professional butcher) uses for decapitating goats. I do not know how it is in the UK, but I can tell you here in the US, it is very easy to believe that we are moving towards an apathy-based, discompassionate, unempathetic general culture. There seems to be lacking a general sense of being able to connect, at all, to another's humanness- a discomfort in examining tough questions. We prefer our easy answers, prefer to think people deserve what they get, prefer to pretend to want a Hammurabic code returned. There is so much rhetoric about what should happen, including violent hateful comments to the tune of of brutal, torture, rape, cruelty towards those who offend us in some way. It really is sickening to be surrounded by it. We tedn to become immune to the speech, but should we?

If these same god-fearign Christian folks were forced to watch something that shook them to their cores, not allowed to turn aside at the nasty parts, wold they still call for death by torture, even in jest? Would adults railing loudly against reasonable laws for restriction of assault weapons access, feel the same way after viewing the corpse of a human child after being shot by one? Would their hearts be broken enough for compassion to sink in again, or would it make them even colder and less empathetic?

I get so tired, Ken. It seems to me that much of the capacity for human evil rests on the response to that last question.

[Ken Simm.]

There are I believe several reasons for lack of empathy and compassion in todays western society and I agree the centre of the universe must be incredibly crowded.
Why did I get a D my students honestly would ask me astounded at their own lack of success? Because that is what your paper was marked at. No but why did 'I'' get a D come on? They were honestly puzzled. Why should you get an A you did nothing to deserve it? Duh! Because I'm me. This happened so many times. Yes this perhaps has more to do with work ethic and consumerism than empathy to what is going on around them but it has also a great deal to do with seeing your own role in the way of life that you are shown. That you come to think is your natural right. That you are taught by, tabloid, jingoistic, scare mongering news. That you are shown everyday in everyway possible that you deserve the world for your own pleasure. That you are shown impersonal love, impersonal violence against those lesser creatures, (and that is everyone else) as entertainment for your jaded pallete. We have become a race of mini Caligula's where anything can be seen as not educational but entertaining.
When scenes of war are brought into the living room with ease. When scenes of rape are seen quite happily as something to keep you occupied then humanness, compassion, willingness to listen and try to understand becomes boring. It just does not give the shock to the jaded system that violence and intolerance does.
To continue this feeling of infinite superiority and therefore pleasure on must have a system by which one can return to justify actions. Militant religion has fitted into this role quite nicely. And because there are a number of militant religions it becomes quite easy to say my way is correct and yours must be destroyed. The meek therefore shall not inherit the earth.
Disageement is heathy but remember that when it was commonplace to bear weapons manners became of prime importance. Yes of course mortality was high and killing fairly commonplace there also but parhaps a serious attempt to see the others point of view was seen as an attempt to rationalise the human condition. A failed attempt perhaps but an attempt nontheless.
The God of militant religion has become the God of the old testament. A personal God of vengence. A personal deity of justification rather than faith. It is no accident that the lobby for the arming of individuals is closely linked with right wing Christianity.' I must be right because God told me so. No He didn't. you told yourself so from inside your own paranoia. When it comes to Gun control and episodes as the one above absolutes control. There are no grays there are only the primary colours of personal rightousness. There is no solution to this within civilisation. The only solution is on the other side of absolute anarchy. To quote Gandhi again an eye for an eye blinds the whole world.
I think we must begin to see that the above obscenity and our reactions to end signal the ending of our civilisation. Perhaps the 'I'm alright Jack' attitude is not wrong after all. It is preparation.

[Marie Anzalone]

Such a subtle nuance between religion and spirituality... and a universe of dangerous misunderstandings contained within that nuance. This is where I ram my head against walls, Ken... because I was brought up to have answers. To find them, create them. This thing is a shapeshifter, it is amorphous, the very act of observation changes it. How do you fight that? Can you?

A college professor that I admired taught me, "writers write to teach us compassion." There is compassion and life and light in your words. Only light has ever reached into dark places. I cannot dwell in the dark too long, but I feel the need to face it form time to time, to remind myself. Perhaps I am as hypocritical as the rest? I like to think, as you said, it will prepare me for what is coming. A person who retains compassion and desensitization is empowered to act when necessary. At the Boston marathon bombings, combat veterans ran towards the blast victims and saved most of them because of this kind of empowerment.

[Ken Simm.]

Brought up to have answers. Surely the journey is more important than the destination? Perhaps the Scientist in you wants the ending of answers whereas the Artist in you wants to always seek for them creatively.

[Marie Anzalone]

We all have our fatal flaw, Ken, and I fear this one may be mine. It has stubbornly all attempts to eradicate it, and always gets me into trouble. A blessed morning to you when you get this.

[Tree]

The slaughtering of another human being seems unreal to too many people. As if it can never happen to them, that they are somehow immune to the possibility. Even in the shadow of today's current events. It reminds me how a small but growing number of people still repudiate that Newtown ––– even occurred. It is why I'm torn between the idea that the media should or should not publish these graphic images in their entirety. It is truth. People should be outraged by it, but instead many prefer denial. Some would argue that censorship promotes that denial and sterilizes or waters down the true nature of our circumstances. The documentary filmmaker Michael Moore, has some pretty good arguments for the release of some of these images. It's a dilemma.

Thought provoking stuff, Marie

[Marie Anzalone]

see my note for Ken... will be back soon to respond. Just want to make sure I can do it thoughtfully.

[Marie Anzalone]

I responded to these reviews in order of difficulty. You should find it some source of pride that I had to save yours for last. Much of what I responded to Ken is relavant to what I would say to you. I know we talked about Newtown offline. I am still of the belief that we have to be able to look at the results of our policies in the face. If we vote for politicians whose fiscal policies remove life support services and job opportunities from the most needy, we need to be able to look them and tell them why they did not matter to us, and what we have to offer in compensation. If gun safety policies contribute to mroe violence, then we would have to face that too. if you lay off 1/3 of the people whose economic well-being depends on the work you had provided them, you should be able to look them in the eye. If we want to make access to assualt style weapons and ammunition anonymous and universal, we should be able to look at pictures of the bodies of innocents who died as the direct result of that policiy.

But then, what response is adequate in the face of human cruelty, insanity, and complicity? How should one feel? Can we argue one person's response is mroe real than another's? I watched this twice- once alone, once with another writer. We ahd two very different responses; he needed several days, and to know from other men that his own response was not weak. He needed to hear the words of a life-hardened EMT and a compassionate former guerilla soldier before he could regain his footing. I felt almost silly for "letting it affect me" before I shared this and saw so many [generally useful] comments.

Maybe we ask if our care with words, our focus on the craft- if it can mean anything, because we are not in the great political circles where decisions are made? But then I ask... what influences people who become those leaders? What, besides a commitment to accuracy and art, would ever make it likely my own words may end up in their hands?

I guess I like to think Marianne Williamson was right when she wrote: "when you let your own light shine, you give others permission to do the same."

You will see I changed the note slightly, to give the option to ask to see it. I doubt anybody will. I explained why in my response to Ken.

[gombeggar]

when you let your own light shine, you give others permission to do the same...nice

[soliloquy]

This was super intense! I thought the authors note was necessary as well. I feel lucky when I read this, and a little sad too. We live in such an unfair world don't we?

[Marie Anzalone]

Another author on site wrote about this same video, soliloquy. I would encourage you to read his work, and my response to it. I think maybe it might give a different insight.

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/Lonestar66/1166702/

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Looking…
into the eyes and heart---------Hi Marie, I think this sounds odd need to rephrase. because the heart for heartbeat which used the sense of feelings & sounds, not for visuals unless you open it or used it differently in a sentence. Reading your poem makes me remember those atrocities women has facing which literally happened in the world society. those burning for suspected witches, stoning of pregnant woman out of wedlock, rape or honor killing a lot of gruesome pictures or story that circulated in the world. I am commends you for giving light by sharing this wonderful poem. We are in the same page in stressing our view for this matter. I never attempt to watch the video, the link, as I view it not helpful at all, your words is enough to make a difference. Thanks for sharing and happy writing.

[Marie Anzalone]

Thank you, Marc, for stopping by to review this.

My choice of the phrasing "looking into the heart" was meant in several different ways. Not to get into my personal spiritual beliefs, but I do believe some can see into the energy heart center of another human being. I also believe that the act of putting oneself into a greater context, allows us to see more clearly the issues at the "heart" of the matter. Taking ourselves out of the context, we let crulety perpetuate. Which of us has never felt humiliated/ angry enough to wish someone dead? Which has not stood by, passively, when another was singled out for targeting?

I decided to only give the link out if anyone asked me to see it.

I appreciate your thoughtful review, critique, and discourse. I wish you a wonderful day, wherever you are.

[Donald Meikle]

Ken said it best. I read the poem and felt the disgust and wrath. Then I read the notes as far as I cared to. My opinion of religion is not very nice, as to God She must be disappointed daily

[Marie Anzalone]

I don't think there is enough evidence to say that religion is inherently good or bad. I do think that those who use religion as a shield, a doctrine, a tool for division- I think those are the evil uses to which religion is put. When a religious community is used for connection, works of charity, and the path to one's own soul; it can be supportive to have community in what is necessarily so achingly a private journey.

I saw this once, and it made me think:

"Would people be so willing to kill and die for God if God were a woman?"

[Donald Meikle]

As screwed up as we are She has to be

[Donald Meikle]

as to evidence We were given Earth and promptly invented heaven with every religion

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i read the poem separately from the notes.

those are of an extremely unfortunate reality that happened because of oppression of people..and the stronger killing the weaker.

the poem, on the other hand, is a comment on this...to say that we never wear another's garment..we never walk in another's shoes until those clothes are put on us...and we see it from the other side.

all about judgement...people thinking they are better or more worthwhile than others.

this is no movie...life is that violent...that full of hate...and people cheer this?

amazing where you humanity has sunk itself to.

the low levels...a compassionate write from a compassionate poet.

jacob

[Marie Anzalone]

Thank you for your compassionate critique, Jacob. The point I was trying to convey, in the poem, is subtly different from how you interpreted it. It is about the difference, essentially, between religious doctrine, which is often isolating and terrifying; and spiritual courage, which I see as empowering. So many wear a borrowed identity- armor made from religious texts, an identity of someone else, a false security that, were they in that situation, thye would act/ react differently. How many ever do? Human history is full of examples of great people who could not... and ordinary people who somehow could. Those latter interest me. the greatest defenses against inhumanity are compassion and courage. Compassion to see the weaknesses of others in you; courage to see your own hate and cruelty in barbaric acts. Maybe it is not so much humanity that has sunk, but our ability for compassion and empathy. We in the US live in the least empathic country in the world- and we are the ones being emulated. Food for thought.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

the last part of what you said...yes, that is what i also saw in the piece..and that is what i mean by humanity sinking..the compassion and empathy is disappearing.

and i am not so sure so many are wanting to emulate us these days.

[Emily B]

i started shaking a few minutes ago, a trembling that reaches out over time and space, that tells me that kith and kin are going through something real and spiritual and important . . .

these are words that i will come back to

these are words that every body ought to read at least once.

[Marie Anzalone]

That, dear one, was me, I am afraid. I have been shaking and trembling and crying all day.
read moreThat, dear one, was me, I am afraid. I have been shaking and trembling and crying all day.

I am reminded of a story I read, that I have recounted on some pages. About the rabbi and his young apprentice.

Apprentice: Rabbi, why, when we pray, do we pray to have God place the sacred words ON our hearts? Why not IN our hearts, where they belong?

Rabbi: because, in our present state, our hearts are closed tight. They must be broken open in order for the sacred words to fall inside.

THAT is exactly how I feel today. A fellow writer watched the same video. Hours later, when he could speak, he told me, "I never understand before what it meant when they say, 'The meek shall inherit the earth.'"

We need to find a way to start honoring quiet, ordinary acts of courage. Authentiticity, is how I like to see it.

I think that is why I have a violent internal reaction to smarmy, idealized, vapid poetry. It reeks of inauthenticity... it reeks of propaganda.

[Marie Anzalone]

*understood

[Emily B]

i know what you mean, we've turned the house upside down this weekend, to welcome a young someone who needs a home, it occurred to me a little while ago, how the world could be, if all of us, every family took someone in and treated them kindly when they needed it most

[Marie Anzalone]

:-) I did that for someone 3 years ago, and have never regretted it. He has come back every summer, and grown with each visit. I wish you the best of luck with yours.

[Emily B]

they are happy as little larks

[Emily B]

i came back today, the words struck me even harder knowing what i know now

[TLK]

I feel a very strong sense of a protected space being made here, a protected space that functions entirely because it is meant to shelter more than the individual. This isn't a poem about retreating into a shell, but about stating compassionate aims and inviting others to share them too.

The way that you also entwine a feeling of general and specific threat makes this openness even more brave and worth defending. It is truly that it is so weak against force that should check the use of force. Instead of 'I am impregnable', we have 'what would we lose if you fought here?'.


I notice that you don't label this video as an "honour killing", which is what I am sure it will be called by most people. No amount of scare quotes (as I have used) can make enough mockery of the idea that murder of the helpless is ever honourable.

[Marie Anzalone]

Thank you, TLK, for acknowledging and honoring my words here. Yes, it is about what I strongly feel is the only way that we can effectively make protected space. We are born into what some might call grace- I think we have many forms by which we can lose it along the way. Weakness is so subjective... only in the gift for introspection is true strength found. And i do believe it takes a lot of courage to do introspection right.

Thank you for blessing this page with your words this afternoon.