poem: The Problem with Polyamory

she said, it's not even the sharing I mind

let's face facts, women have many more ways

than men to be satisfied; each one kind of

finds his own style and rhythm after a while

knowing you; a sustained pace you both

(or all, depending) could probably live with.

it is not needing to be a genius with a day

planner, or needing the day planner for nights,

too. Some catch on after a while, some do not-

being able to talk equally well whether sheets

are fresh from the dryer or you are wringing

them on a dreamy summer's night- that is

the only thing of consequence. maybe some

explaining to children, maybe not. much

would depend on the child, I think. and women

make so much less fuss than men anyway. no,

she said, the problem is this: law of averages.

they all own a piece of your heart; only one

reads you poetry and the other math equations

and the third, maybe speaks of the migratory

behavior of snow geese, covering the tundra at

daybreak, and he is the one who wants to see

the world with you, too. when it is good, you

are all satisfied, as satisfied can be with such

arrangements of love. however... the problem

with polyamory, she said, is this: law of averages

dictates they will all be pissed off at you and

then they will start a damned fight with you on

exactly the same days and times. And who on

this great green and blue planet, wants that?

Reviews

[h d e rushin]

Dickinson had a problem with polyamory. The relationships she had (and she did have some)
were not confirmed as sexually exclusive. But write a poem just one time and the body becomes
polydipsic...in that it thirsts for other poems, or other people with poems to share, or other
hallowed halls where poems or kept etc...In other words, it is indeed possible, perhaps
even normal, for every human seminal instance that feed and plant seeds for your future development,
to not only take a piece of your heart, but to take up some residence there..

Women are far too complex for anything but poetry; poetry being that quiet room
with the semicircular space for recess. (metaphoric)

I love you so much.
dana

[Marie Anzalone]

Someone said once that all good poetry is love poetry; and I believe that human relationships are like trees that need to be tended, watered, fertilized, provided with sun, and otherwise nurtured. Therefore, all expressions of nurturing become love, and all love can be seen as poetry. All forms of poetry are valid... written, photographed, sung, expressed through motion, expressed through sitting at the side of someone having an intense life experience of any kind (something I was actually pondering this morning for the writing of anotherpoem). The messiness of dying, the even bigger mess of living. All are gifts we bring to the table; to say we could only ever share with one person, when we hve so much to give, so many ways to experience it... is absurb, reductionist, judgmental, and controlling.

I love your idea of the space for recess. Come play, I'll share the sandbox, and I'll even play nice. :-)

[Kari Rakitan]

Haha! I'll have to let you know when that happens to me.

[bob, small b. aka invs]

a poet should not be this practical. a poet plows headlong into impossible relationships then writes about the pain that results. however, this piece does have the sound of someone with some experience...

[Marie Anzalone]

one of the great things about being a writer, bob, is the ability to vicariously put yourself into any story you want... only making it either a far braver or wiser or more interesting version of the myriad of flaws that comprise you

[Tree]

This was funny, Marie. The tone was exceptional. Wondering if you laying off the capitalization had a hand in even making it more so, curious if you did that consciously. Anyhow it seems as if your poems of late have been tailored specifically to helping us men understand a few things about how the other half thinks. I have noticed, probably with my mom first (I grew up with three brothers, no sisters), that she had an extraordinary ability to compartmentalize, it was mind blowing, really. I believe that the chambers of a woman's heart and mind are actually composed of a never ending nautilus, each designed to hold anything from another romantic love, to another child, a chocolate soufflé, or a good cry at the 99 cent store. We love the range, but hate the lack of focus. When I enter a heart and mind like that? I come prepared with a wrecking-ball, and jackhammer. I forge my own space.

Laugh out loud piece, Marie. Strong
work.



Diego

[Marie Anzalone]

Diego: First, your review made me laugh out loud, too, so I thank you for the extra smile in my day! I borroed the device of sometimes not usuing capitals, form my dear friend Cool-Handless-Luke. it is kind of a signature move for him; for me, it is more when I want to over or under state my point. In this case I was going for wry understatement, which seems to be the tone that you and kortas both picked up on. :-)

You note a very important difference between the typical man and woman; something that I learned mor eor less recently. We, as women, are far better as separating our handling of things into compartments, you are absolutely correct. Far better at switching back and forth, too, frm one to the other. Mother to wife, lover to co-worker, angry at an action to loving the man who did wrong, work to play to work again. I am learning that my own rapid transitions leave most men with their head spinning. Sorry for that :-( I am glad that you are finding insight in my words. I have been cnsidering another series of letter peoms written for fellow writers; yours may just be themed along these exact lines.

I still remember once asking you how many years of mistakes you can fit into one Sunday afternoon, my friend. Here I ask a very different question: how badly would it suck, really, to fight with more than one lover at a time???

I will not say if I have any personal insight to either of those questions. I think you know the answer.

[Tree]

I was saddened to hear about the death of Cool- Handless-Luke, though I did not know him personally I got to know him through his work. He was good, poet... In response to the differences between men and women, well the more I learn the more I am in awe, so yes, my head never stops spinning. My need to simplify the how and why into a single coherent sentence has been and will always be, my downfall in my desire to understand. This has become even more apparent as I've gotten older, which is a goddamn shame. You would think one would of learned to stop demanding clarity, for a woman's water runs deep, deeper than the light of the sun can penetrate; better to leave well enough alone. Better yet, be alone. As for having more than one lover and fighting with them all at the same time? lol, I'll have to pass. Hard enough extracting the essence of truth and perspicuity from one, let alone a few:) I think I'd rather skydive naked over Siberia. In the winter.

Diego

[Marie Anzalone]

Just checked CHL's facebook page (although we ne ver met in real life, we have actually talked on t ephone and gotten t be very close over the 5 years we have known each other). He has not posted since August, but there is no indication that he is no longer with us. Fingers crossed that you are mistaken on that, my friend. John (Smoke Shifter) was the one we lost.

It is not that we do not focus or simplify; th efact is, we want to do so. But we do each task, attnd to each thing, with amplified focus. So we have learned to rapid shift from one thing to the other- our version of multi-tasking. Ah but if only we lived closer... I would so love to sit down over a long extended afternoon series of cafe drinks and really explore this theme with you. The truth is, I think that on some levels, so much more is demanded of women. The levels of absolute perfection- the dichotomies. Sexy but not sexual. Clever but not intelligent. Well-read but not opinionated. Stand-out in a crowd but not heard. Strong but always modest. Thin but with curves. Provide perfect work but do not expect to get rewarded for it. Get 1/4 the readership/ respect of men as a writer. Write of your own experience but expect nobody to read it. Etc.

Skydiving naked over Siberia? Yes, I dare say it would be a preferable version of hell. Indeed.

[Tree]

Great point, Marie. Women walk a thin line carrying a lot of expectations on their shoulders, definitely a good point... As for CHL I may have gotten the details twisted, but do remember reading a few vines that might of led me to that conclusion, I do hope he's good. If he is with us, I would like to see him get back here. And yes Smoke Shifter, of him I know...
One of these days Raquelita maybe you, will be the one to sit me down and help me crack the code, or maybe you'll proceed to just further confuse the hell out of me, the latter, I hope ... not:)

JDP

[Marie Anzalone]

Si solo pudiera alcanzar el corazon de un unico hombre en esta tierra, para hacerlo no tener miedo de amor, seleccionaria tu persona tan profunda, amigo. Me tomes en cuenta, por favor, para esta reunion. Seria unos de los momentos mas importante en mi vida para hacerlo. Te prometo solo dejar con miedo por las razones corectas.

[Tree]

Cómo le respeto, Raquelita. Usted es una gran amiga...

[Marie Anzalone]

Igual, querido amigo, igual. Tengo nada sino respeto para su persona, tambien. Salud!

[Corset]

LOL!!! Its true women who live together start to cycle with each other and the one thing that irritates us most at the time of the month is a male! This is Pulitzer wonderful...I seem to recall conversations like this one, lol. Thanks for the giggle this morning.

[Marie Anzalone]

Oh yeah, this was inspired by a fantastic conversation. And while I was writing from the female perspective of having multiple lovers, it could be just as applicable for the male equivalent. Quadruply so if they all happen to live together, Good lord could you imagine that horror?

[Corset]

a true nightmare on Elm street, lol.

[W.k.kortas]

There is a winning combination of the wry and world-weary here, almost Dorothy Parker-esque in its tone, contained herein, a control and a knowing that speaks well of your maturity as a writer and in general.

[Marie Anzalone]

thanks for the review and observations, kortas. much appreciated, as always. also very glad that you appreciate my dry humor. I decline to comment on how much or how little of th ematurity you speak of in your review, comes from actual experience.

[W.k.kortas]

A little mystery is never a bad thing.