the coming

"Hammer Horror" ;P

When night does break
with aching dawn,
that bleeding sun horizon

will leave me restless,
wishing deep
I had no cruel disguise on.

This dripping madness,
heaving me,
to covert bitter places...

My victims' eyes,
through fingertips,
the only visible traces.

Feb 21, 2011

Reviews

[Ariel B.]

I like the structure - it's neat how, at first, it doesn't seem to rhyme, and then the ends of the stanzas do. It feels a little bit over-wrought to me though - the style doesn't feel so much like a broken mind as it does like an actor from a Hammer Horror film. Not that Hammer Horror is a bad thing, of course (you remember Vampire Circus...), but it IS a bit less effective than you might have meant.

[HB]

Thanks for your reviews!

I agree, this is definitely along the lines of Vampire Circus. ^.^
And ok, I put in punctuation, etc. Next time I go without, I'll make sure it reaaaaaally fits.