Five Rings of Fate

I like the ideas behind everything, to me it seems you've done some nice planning. But there's something about the narration that doesn't flow in my opinion.

I don't think you give the reader much of a chance to connect with the characters. I like the story but I can't find myself connecting with anyone. I think it's because it's written in present-tense.

I think you need to focus on your protagonist more, let us get to know her before everyone else.

But I love the ideas. And your style is unique.
A good writer needs unique style. It makes them a writer.

Good job so far!

Posted 14 Years Ago

I like the ideas behind everything, to me it seems you've done some nice planning. But there's something about the narration that doesn't flow in my opinion.

I don't think you give the reader much of a chance to connect with the characters. I like the story but I can't find myself connecting with anyone. I think it's because it's written in present-tense.

I think you need to focus on your protagonist more, let us get to know her before everyone else.

But I love the ideas. And your style is unique.
A good writer needs unique style. It makes them a writer.

Good job so far!

Posted 14 Years Ago