Poem 21. DETOUR

Sometimes you have to take a different route for a more comfortable journey...

A ride on a bus-

It made me sleep for hours,

Made me travel

To a faraway land

Where I saw myself inside

A fairytale.

Then  I was awakened by the voices:

“Detour!” they shouted.

 

So I got near the window

And watched the view

Of a different path

We took just then.

 

And a curve  formed in my lips

Then I sighed

“At last!”

Author's Note

I hope I won't fail here.

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

Life is about experiencing many roads and highways. Sometimes the funnest and most enjoyable journeys start off when we get detoured from our normal walk. I loved this piece. When I used to drive a semi truck across the USA, I always found it fun to have those detours show up. I would often see something that I wouldn't have seen anyother way.

Be it a choice, or a washed out road, or an act of providence, trying out a new path has it's merits and can teach us some great lessons!

Just like my choice to come and read this poem... I learned that there are different shaped buses than what I'd ever seen before! An awesome poem! Much Enjoyed!

Aaron - Wolfwind

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thank you for being an unexpected visitor, Aaron. Life really is a journey. Sometimes, we don't have to force ourselves to run in an uncomfortable path we used to if there's another choice. Anyway, we are aiming to reach a dreamed destination and it will still end there...at the terminal. Glad you learned something from this humble piece.

Thanks again for dropping by.

[Tate Morgan]

I am assuming you have embarked on a new path in life I wish you all the luck in the world. The key to life is to not give up

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks, Tate. :)

[MOON]

Taking the scenic road or the road less travelled always fun, good write.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thank you, Moon.

[bobc]

D...I like this one...the ending in particular. But the verb tenses feel a little off somehow. What do you think? ...bobc

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

What do I think? Or what can you suggest? LOL. I'm open for suggestions. Actually, it's my weakness. Thanks for checking it...and more thank you if you'll give me some corrections. :)

[bobc]

OK...these are only suggestions that, I think, help sustain the past tense the poem started with. Verb tense can be tricky sometimes.

The first stanza. '...made me travel/to a faraway land,/and saw myself inside...' could be '...made me travel/to a faraway land,/where I saw myself inside...' or '...made me travel/to a faraway land,/and see myself inside...'. Either are possibilities.

'Then I was awoken...' I'm not sure works in the second stanza. How about 'Then I was awakened...'.

The fourth stanza, 'So I get near the window/And watch the view/Of a different path/We are taking right now.' could become 'So I got near the window/And watched the view/Of a different path/We took just then.'

The first line in the last stanza 'And a curve is formed in my lips' could become 'And a curve formed in my lips'.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Okay, okay. Thank you so much. Glad you're here right now. I'll consider these. Thanks a lot.

[gabrielle]

taking the same road or path could sometimes be boring and dull and sometimes taking unexpected detours could make the journey more colorful and could awaken our sense of excitement. enjoy the detour, dhaye!

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Hehe. Thanks, Gab. Detours are just changes of routes, but they will still end at the expected place. Hope I'll meet my dreams at the end of this journey.

[Sami Khalil]

Sometimes on a journey we have to make detours and swerve here and there to avoid pitfalls or bumps in the roads but as long as we are headed to our destination it is important to make all those sacrifices...A very unique write...:)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Yeah, you're right. Thanks for such relevant review, Sami.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)

[emmajoy]

Love the thoughts behind your post, and they're written so well! Tis true, sometimes going the wrong or different way turns out to be the very best of right ways.

'At last!' is like an amen.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Amen! I like your insights, EJ.

[Horizon K.]

You never know what eye opening discoveries you will make on those unplanned and unexpected detours, such is life as we must take what it throws at us and be able to appreciate whatever we have learned... we travel... cool piece Dhaye.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thank you, HK. :)

[Glen Yumang Manese]

The shortest point is a straight line... in the road of life... there are detours... curves and bumps along the way... just as life should be... unpredictable...

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Right, Glen. Thanks for dropping by. :)

[Babe Roxx]

Yes, Different routes are always nice, Dhaye...it breaks the monotony. :)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thank you so much, Everett.

[Babe Roxx]

You are most welcome, Dhaye.