Sweet Toxic Irony

Your in my eyes,

Your in my dreams,

Your inside every actors smile on the screen,

Your my first sip of an ice cold beer.

 

I miss you so much sometimes it hurts,

But the earth keeps spinning,

and yet,

people thinks it stops just because their crying.

But....

 

I still think of you everytime it rains,

each drop is a memory of you

holding me tight,

of listening to your guitar mixing with the waves,

smiling that one smile...

You know?

The one that makes my anger fade....

Oh sweet irony,

Your cruelty knows no limits.

 

 

 

Reviews

[alesuriko]

First off... I have some criticism, don't take it too harshly or personally. In your first stanza, all of your "your"s are wrong. They should be "you're" a contraction of "you" and "are" rather than "your" which is possessive. The second stanza is lacking flow and impact mainly because of "But the earth keeps spinning, and yet," ... "But", "And", & "Yet" are all conjunctions and using them so close together doesn't really make a sentence. It's also a misconception to use "and yet" because you don't need the "and" before yet, but that's really poetic license if you want to use it. In the very next line, "people thinks it stops just because their crying" is incorrect... "thinks" shouldn't be plural and "their" should actually be "they're" (contraction of "they" and "are") instead of the possessive form. I hope this critique helped.

Overall, the emotion was expressed and the rhythm is decent. Many people could relate to this poem. Well done.

[funeralmoon]

very good babe i love this one :)

[Stephanie]

I read this twice before I started to review because I wanted to get the full effect. This was very bittersweet as a whole. The feeling that you don't want to cry anymore, but everytime you do it's not too bad because you think of them... They're everywhere. Very relatable and wicked good :]

[David]

Irony's a b***h, innit? This one's pretty good. Keep up the good work

[Jena Barkley]

It was the beautifully written, I like how you keep the yin/yang perspective always jumping forth between the positives and negatives.