Seph

Another one of my personalities.

the judgmental faces of her loyalty, ones she hides with her words

ones that she might not be able to control, not even to the nerds

her apathetic demeanor that hides, she wants to be normal

even if she isn't at the a party, she forgets how to not be formal

and when she creates lies about herself, just to live in an ideal life

and when she tries to distract herself from the taunting words of the knife

she knows that someone out there will care for her

even if their intentions aren't exactly pure

seph, who was always known for her hard work

but when others torment her, she just puts on her famous smirk

and give the world a finger, the way that one always should

but if only the rest of the world would

Reviews

[socratesgray]

Very interesting personality. I think you do a great job of capturing a feeling, and you understand this particular mood very well. I like the descriptions you use here, and the actions in the poem work well toward establishing a character. Poetically, I like the content; however, the flow of the poem is a little off, in my opinion. The words of action and real meaning are great. It's the little meaningless articles that break up the poem a little too much for my tastes. The word 'the' shows up too many times too quickly, I think, especially in the first stanza, which waters down the intensity that is so evident. In my opinion, if

"the judgmental faces of her loyalty, the ones she hides with her words /the ones that she might not be able to control, not even to the nerds"

was to become

"the judgmental faces of her loyalty, ones she hides with words /
ones she might not be able to control, not even to the nerds"

and so on, it could get your point across with more potency.

[DontBlink158]

very unique and i love it!! ive havent really meet anybody like this, maybe if i slapped a few people together... its a great write.

[Day Dreamer]

Very interesting personality. I've never met anyone with this kind of personality. I love this writing. It captures feeling, the imagination, and the curiousity of the readers. Keep writing! :)

[bobby]

Your poems lines end with rhythmic cymbals, meaning they seem contrived and too heavy. So load it detracted me from the poem itself. I did like the imagery of " taunting words of the knife" this is a solid and vivid display of emotion and power. I'm not one for writing rhyming poems. I'm a little heavy handed. Your subject is understood and the emotional mix is there. I'd like to read more of your writing and will.

[Kenneth The Poet]

A solid write. This girl sounds like a firecracker.

[miguelbovine]

That was great,How do you put words together so gracefully?

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

She is just herself as we all should be.....excellent

[FemmeSpookyCorpse]

This is a piece brimming with depth and description! I love your concept and personality in this poem! This really is a great piece, my dear = ]

-Femme_Gothique (Brittany)

[Daytonight]

She sounds like such a very interesting person. Very descriptive write.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like this girl Seph. You create a strong character with some good strength and weaknesses. I look forward to see where you are taking this story.
Coyote