Ours

 

 

                                    Staying submerged felt

                           endless...

                                    boundless...

 

but one can only hold their breath for so long

               before our lungs require us to resurface

                             I was trying to remember when

             .....................

 

              "when" our imperfections

      became their beauty mark

                                 and the mercury in their blood           

                                   became our electrolyte

 

       they said that we can be like airplanes

                              and fly high above the freak show

         but little did any of us know

                               

                  the red tide had grown too high                      

                            swallowing up our dignity and pride                             

          forcing us instead

                             to travel by land

                sadly...

                 we failed to rescue one of our own

                 our yellow submarine

             

                              could not save the canary

                  perhaps...

 

              the drowning was necessary.

 

Author's Note

There has been a lot of fighting recently on the cafe. Writers in this place seem to be so deep in water..they are oblivious to how they treat one another...oblivious to how certain actions and words can pull another writer down, hence "the canary" representing the few writers that are trying to fly high above the chaos, and remain "creatively free"...but harsh words and criticism are weighing these writers down. "The drowning was necessary" a metaphor to represent the writers who try and stay afloat "by elimating the competion"

Reviews

[Star]

the waters can me such a beautiful place but yet can be a place of horror....I love this. I did not realize people did not get along on here and fighting. ugh... I sure hope I don t encounter that, because I am here purely for the craft of writing, to get improve myself and be of help to others...honestly.. and I don't want to have all the drama...ugh.. you are a wonderful poet Muse and thanks for interacting with me.

[kublakhan27]

Some very strong observations on the so-called Human Condition...sometimes ambition becomes our own worst enemy, whether it applies to a clash between our own goals, or a clash between the goals of ourselves and others...a deep and reflective piece, definitely one I will have to devote more time to :)

[A. H. Pinley]

Weakness is beauty if you would just see that. Not hiding behind pretend perfection, but free for you to love me in my imperfection. Where I'm weak, you're strong. Great write!

[KeeD]

Insane.. the word choice.. the way you can perceive this piece in a variety of scenarios. my favorite lines were "when" our imperfections
became their beauty mark
and the mercury in their blood
became our electrolyte"
actually everything in the poem i loved. This is what muse is capable of doing.. I have never read a mediocre poem by you.. they have all been beyond exceptional.

[Pax]

i so love the third stanza ~ it made me think that we fill the hole of the imperfection of our other half(soul-mate).... It's a beautiful expressive piece that speaks your love for this person ~ perhaps drowning was indeed neccessary ~ to see your limit then renewed again... Great work!

[Cascara (aka Sprint Goe..]

"the drowning was necessary."

I'm really fond of this line over here. It really shows how everyone's life needs to feel hurt every once in a while. I know writers definitely need to feel a bit of pain or even more in order to write something as evocative as this composition.

I really enjoyed this poem. I can relate to your feelings penned over here.

[luviva]

ok i dont know if this is out of annoyance or blame, blaming your self for what happened to your fellow college but it is a great write with a two sided view, and i know you somehow feel responsible for whatever happened to the submarine because you guys stick together and you are more like family..*from NCSI* but i loved the write

[Becky C Strukamp]

Love the pix! It brings to life the poem.

[icelandicblue]

We become mired in the insanity and sometimes it is impossible to break free. I took away a different meaning for the canary. Miners used to take canaries down into the mines because they would succumb to poisonous gasses quickly and were used as an early warning system. We drown in many different ways.

[Distant horizons]

One can only hold their breath so long, and the knowing when to resurface is the bit I get stuck at, which is why i splurt and cough my way through life. One day i so hope I can fly above the freak show. This is definitely one to be read again, and most likely, see new meaning in each read. Love it,

[Baby Ricochet]

Okay. I'm not much on obscure metaphors so I read this like 3 times and still had no idea what it was about so I read Frieda's review to get a handle on it. I don't always know what her poems are about either so I figured she'd have this aced in one read. I like the "and the mercury in their blood became our electrolyte" part. That's a cool line. I didn't want to post something like "it's mysterious and cryptic" cause all that would be is me trying to sound all cool and s**t when the reality is I didn't understand a bit of it. But that's not your bad.

[Muse]

ha, oh dear, I do adore your honesty.