Sugar and Sun

Credit to Derek Eliot for perfecting my grammar. Thank you. He's new on WC, an amazing writer that does incredible reviews. Check him out. http://www.writerscafe.org/Revik

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There's a confession to make,

    I tasted the SUGAR

                    and the sun.

 

       My candied cigarette,

            rolled into both silver and

        GOLD.

 

                Rays of light;

        escape the fold.

 

    INHALE

        this guilty pleasure;

            it incinerates my lungs.

 

            Molten breath,

    and paper-like

             skin.

 

    EXHALE

        the transgressions within.

    

    This moist tongue;

            makes the nicotine

                GLOW.

 

        Lips of the SUN,

        and embers that

            flake.

 

    It settles upon the ground,

                and in my

            wake.

 

    Now I have dust;

            within my

                eyes.

 

    BURNING mixed tears;

           of molasses and

                              tar.

 

        It scorches with pleasure.

    I inflicted this

             SCAR.

Reviews

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I heard a person who quit smoking say that they never had a cigarette they didnt love and that they would go back the second scientists found out smoking was safe. lol. This poem is the perfect depiction of that conversation. The imagery was spectacular.

[Wondering Mind]

very good imagery, and quite the write considering you don't do it (smoking, that is)..

[unsavable_soul]

I'm a smoker,
You made me want a cigarette, I know there is a bunch of imagery here I should take and stop smoking but this is so elegant I want to enjoy a smoke in contemplation. You never cease to amaze me with your art.
Sincerely
Christopher

[Ria Vero Benthil]

FIRST REACTION

1. I found humor in the Note. Haha I thought it was clever since i really thought perhaps you smoked. You made smoking appear erotic and sexy. I like the intention.

2. The style of the VERBs capitalized. The reader is able to VISUALIZE what is happening.

3. The grammar for this unique poem is stunning.

CONTENT (Fun with Quotes)

1. " There's a confession to make,
I tasted the SUGAR
and the sun."

The opening line is what attracted my attention. At first, I thought perhaps you were talking about candy. However, I like the connection between this comparison to the smoking addiction.

OBJECTIVE RESPONSE

Addiction is a wonky thing. It is difficult to overcome because it is legal, and thereby, it becomes the stress reliving substance. It is a vice; "I inflicted this scar." From a controversial standpoint, marijuana would be better suited as a recreational drug in the United States. That is only from a general perception though.

CONCLUSION

The photograph fit the poetry perfectly. The writing style is superb. The title is thought provoking.

I give it 10/10 unicorns:D

love,
ria

[James William Dyer]

I like this a lot, but it made me think of a cigar more than a cigarette, because of the allusions to sweetness and sugary things like molasses. Liked how the words were arranged to look like smoke.

[The Cobra Lounge]

puts out the cigar..licks fingers. Yes I suppose you are right...it too can be sweet.

[icelandicblue]

This could be a metaphor for many thins. I am always drawn to the format of your poems as well as the content. This particular poem hooks the reader visually and does not diappoint. I really like the idea of sugar and sun together. Another wonderful one from you!

[The Cobra Lounge]

this was one of those rare times when the picture inspired a write almost a year later. I found this image....and thought...she will make a good poem someday. And then...when I almost forgotten about her, I saw her again...and thought...she looks like candy glittering in the sun "sugar and sun"

[Rita L. Sev]

Inhale, exhale, burning and sweetness - Life wrapped into a poetic package. The image of the words is stunning - floating up the page as smoke from a cigarette. Excellent!

[jerrypat]

I quit smoking some twenty years ago, and have not the slightest desire to light up again. admire an honest poet, and to make the statement, "Really don't know what I was thinking," tells me that you are that sort of person. I loved the cancer sticks until they gave me emphysema. Hah! Quit smoking and drinking the same day. Back to drinking a bit of cheap California burgundy at night before I go to bed, but not with a cigarette. Enjoyed your poem.

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlande..]

I only smoke when it's appropriate to do so

I'm super impressed by this poem

meta, in fact; well done

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i think this is more about inhaling life and maybe love...and how it can sometimes have that bitter smoke to it that hurts our heart's eye..but it also can be soothing and smooth...

[quinfinn]

you certainly have a gift for arranging words to inflict extreme provocation and intense interest. very cleverly penned indeed.