Sugar and Sun

Credit to Derek Eliot for perfecting my grammar. Thank you. He's new on WC, an amazing writer that does incredible reviews. Check him out. http://www.writerscafe.org/Revik

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There's a confession to make,

    I tasted the SUGAR

                    and the sun.

 

       My candied cigarette,

            rolled into both silver and

        GOLD.

 

                Rays of light;

        escape the fold.

 

    INHALE

        this guilty pleasure;

            it incinerates my lungs.

 

            Molten breath,

    and paper-like

             skin.

 

    EXHALE

        the transgressions within.

    

    This moist tongue;

            makes the nicotine

                GLOW.

 

        Lips of the SUN,

        and embers that

            flake.

 

    It settles upon the ground,

                and in my

            wake.

 

    Now I have dust;

            within my

                eyes.

 

    BURNING mixed tears;

           of molasses and

                              tar.

 

        It scorches with pleasure.

    I inflicted this

             SCAR.

Reviews

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I heard a person who quit smoking say that they never had a cigarette they didnt love and that they would go back the second scientists found out smoking was safe. lol. This poem is the perfect depiction of that conversation. The imagery was spectacular.

[Eclipsing Moon]

I do think that smoking is a way of purging ..perhaps you were using the visual image to purge something?

[David Scott]

Two perfect things. Ah, but too much of either will be sorry. Mix the two and addict excess and you will not live to be sorry.
Warm and sweet.

[Lyana]

Oh my God. Okay, this site is awesome. Your poem is great! You emphasized the words you needed to, made truly great metaphors and images. It's just... I love it. You also really described what a smoker feels while inhaling and exhaling the tobacco.

[Ees]

Goodness this is beautiful. I love it!!!
I do smoke cigarettes , but I didn't think of literal smoking at all while I was reading this. I was think a little bit of the song that goes: "workin' on a new thing, workin' on being forgiven for that hard livin'..."
and I think that was the feeling that you were getting at was that, redemption, but not regret- Everything that was said to be wrong tasted so good, felt so good that it is hard to see the bad, but you know the bad too.

at least that is what I got out of this. It's a wonderful poem. I cannot express how much I love it and the imagery and the form and flow that you took it into.

I just gave you the first 100 rating that I have yet to give on this site!

[John McFadyen]

Wow, Another brilliant and emotionally loaded piece. It feels like you are talking about a relationship, maybe one that was illicit or that went wrong. The protagaonist feels guilt whatever 'I inflict this scar'. The mixture of molasses and tar are sort of bitter sweet. It flows well and leaves you will that feeling of wonder like good poems do.

[The Analog Kid]

The rhymes at the end were great. I didn't think you were a smoker, but it all makes sense anyway. Very vivid descriptions.

[IvoryVine]

Wow! This is awesomeeee :)

[Personne]

Wow, this is really beautiful and amazing and hard. It's just...I can't even put it into words. This poem left me speechless, really.

[lee von cleef]

The challenge you accepted , to write , think and carry your thinking, wrapped rolled up, tucked in your shirt sleeve,then shared with all of us,what a bowl on that pipe of yours.thank you...
Cleef

[Ian H Morrison]

gosh i had to give up smokeing after poor health a few weeks ago and i have read this and thought i need a bloody f*g. well done for another great poem you really are amazeing