Sugar and Sun

Credit to Derek Eliot for perfecting my grammar. Thank you. He's new on WC, an amazing writer that does incredible reviews. Check him out. http://www.writerscafe.org/Revik

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There's a confession to make,

    I tasted the SUGAR

                    and the sun.

 

       My candied cigarette,

            rolled into both silver and

        GOLD.

 

                Rays of light;

        escape the fold.

 

    INHALE

        this guilty pleasure;

            it incinerates my lungs.

 

            Molten breath,

    and paper-like

             skin.

 

    EXHALE

        the transgressions within.

    

    This moist tongue;

            makes the nicotine

                GLOW.

 

        Lips of the SUN,

        and embers that

            flake.

 

    It settles upon the ground,

                and in my

            wake.

 

    Now I have dust;

            within my

                eyes.

 

    BURNING mixed tears;

           of molasses and

                              tar.

 

        It scorches with pleasure.

    I inflicted this

             SCAR.

Reviews

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I heard a person who quit smoking say that they never had a cigarette they didnt love and that they would go back the second scientists found out smoking was safe. lol. This poem is the perfect depiction of that conversation. The imagery was spectacular.

[Pax]

amazing formatting and the poem is really deep..i dont smoke either..

[Baby Ricochet]

SUgar and the sun. That's great.Great poem. I quit smoking years ago and not a day goes by I don't "Damn, what wouldn't I do for a cigarette."

[Colleen a Bean]

hmm this is really good I like the imagery u used and how u described an addiction to smoking even though u don't smoke lol

[Alicia Schroeder]

Love the imagery, I felt like I was in the moment.. Great work :)

[Fabio_Cassilias]

this reminded me of dot rotten song inhale exhale.
Besides that truly a wonderful poem.
i've been battling Nicotine far too long.really need to stop smoking one Day.

[EileenMarie]

OMG this is fantastic! Not only the eloquent words you used but the font style changes move it into a different perspective. Wonderful idea, really helps the reader feel the emotion, at least for me!! Excellent poem!

[zainul]

A prophetic speech.
I wonder why did not reply to so many reviews and comments.
The poem may be a great motivation against smoking.

[The Cobra Lounge]

I think smoking is both ugly and sexy, I guess I was trying to convey both.

[zainul]

You depicted that very nicely.
Learned reviewers also admired the lovely poem.
I really enjoyed this and will read this again to explore its inner meaning.

[Michael of Gilead]

You may not smoke, but this is smokin'

[SHEEMA HUQ]

a really imaginative, insightful little number, triggers nostalgic memories of my smoking attempts during my adolesence ( I hadn't quite worked out how to inhale properly back then), which takes me back over 2 decades. Very well written.

[Steel]

Almost mythical, an addiction that brings the pleasure:pain dichotomy to an inexorable peak.

Very descriptive, portraying plenty of bite to last to the next hit...