Sugar and Sun

Credit to Derek Eliot for perfecting my grammar. Thank you. He's new on WC, an amazing writer that does incredible reviews. Check him out. http://www.writerscafe.org/Revik

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There's a confession to make,

    I tasted the SUGAR

                    and the sun.

 

       My candied cigarette,

            rolled into both silver and

        GOLD.

 

                Rays of light;

        escape the fold.

 

    INHALE

        this guilty pleasure;

            it incinerates my lungs.

 

            Molten breath,

    and paper-like

             skin.

 

    EXHALE

        the transgressions within.

    

    This moist tongue;

            makes the nicotine

                GLOW.

 

        Lips of the SUN,

        and embers that

            flake.

 

    It settles upon the ground,

                and in my

            wake.

 

    Now I have dust;

            within my

                eyes.

 

    BURNING mixed tears;

           of molasses and

                              tar.

 

        It scorches with pleasure.

    I inflicted this

             SCAR.

Reviews

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I heard a person who quit smoking say that they never had a cigarette they didnt love and that they would go back the second scientists found out smoking was safe. lol. This poem is the perfect depiction of that conversation. The imagery was spectacular.

[Melody]

This poem really made me think about who people are and who they can become.. I really don't know why. But, hey, that's what writing is all about.

[Scottlehem]

Ok WELL it smolders with heat and molasses, As ..the embers that flake."

Do I corrupt your imagination?

Thanx

[InkingPen]

You've such a talent for bringing the words to life. A passionate writing, yet you don't smoke? It reads as one that quite enjoys the moment. Wonderful writing!

[Priscilla Moore]

I love the artistry that goes in each of you pieces. I have truly missed this:)

[Sethnicity]

That's amazing that you can embrace and expel such a well composed piece on a subject you have not experience... Beck Hanson was correct still in saying you can't write if you can't relate and your abilities as a writer are highlighted here in your powers of Observation. Coming from a smoker who exercises this "habit" occasionally which I justify in many ways... You must have taken some time to watch another smoker! Excellent use of Font and visual placement to give the feel of a long drag... The word choice like "scorches with pleasure" and "Molten breath, and paper-like skin" draw such strong yet subtle details that It's hard for me to believe you've Never taken part of this ritualistic like ceremony...

I could say a thousand words about this poem but I'll finish by saying it's going in the library! also... I am very jealous right now of your skills! I think I just got a buzz from inhaling your lyrics! great stuff! I must Learn More From You! :)

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

I don't know either what you were thinking but I feel as if i know this poem , I do smoke - yuk! I hate it and still I let those nasty things control me ..
Something else within these lines other than candy cigarettes..

I love the layout.

Chloe

Chloe

[?]

That's hard to believe with this descriptive imagery! This a very dichotomous poem, it both glamorizes smoking but near the end demonizes it! Beautiful and full of depth. This is one of the best poems I've read all week!

[July]

Did you ever smoke?

Well, your character is killing themselves, but we're enjoying reading about it.

[mockingbird8]

I loved the format you used for this.

[Robyn Rhiannon]

Wow. Considering you don't smoke, this is very true to a smokers emotions. Great!