Sugar and Sun

Credit to Derek Eliot for perfecting my grammar. Thank you. He's new on WC, an amazing writer that does incredible reviews. Check him out. http://www.writerscafe.org/Revik

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There's a confession to make,

    I tasted the SUGAR

                    and the sun.

 

       My candied cigarette,

            rolled into both silver and

        GOLD.

 

                Rays of light;

        escape the fold.

 

    INHALE

        this guilty pleasure;

            it incinerates my lungs.

 

            Molten breath,

    and paper-like

             skin.

 

    EXHALE

        the transgressions within.

    

    This moist tongue;

            makes the nicotine

                GLOW.

 

        Lips of the SUN,

        and embers that

            flake.

 

    It settles upon the ground,

                and in my

            wake.

 

    Now I have dust;

            within my

                eyes.

 

    BURNING mixed tears;

           of molasses and

                              tar.

 

        It scorches with pleasure.

    I inflicted this

             SCAR.

Reviews

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I heard a person who quit smoking say that they never had a cigarette they didnt love and that they would go back the second scientists found out smoking was safe. lol. This poem is the perfect depiction of that conversation. The imagery was spectacular.

[Manda]

Beautifully done, and eloquently written. Coming from a past smoker, I used to understand the romantic beauty of smoking a cigarette, pondering the universe and everything. You're glamorous take on it made me smile...

[Helrac]

So much said behind the smoke. "There's a confession to make" Loved this opening, in one line you are drawn in, waiting for whats next and it doesn't dissapoint.

[AK]

Amazing, mesmerising, I loved it.

[UnderCompulsion]

I think your poem it's amazing.I LOVE how you make some of the words pop out,it looks more dramatically.After I read the poem I really thought you are smoking and finding out in the note that you're not it just makes me think how amazing you are as a writer.

[Chris Yip]

A good read that rhymes well, making it a poem with panache and sophistication. Might have been on the spur of the moment but results are great with the well thought out presentation. Well done!

[Everett DeValle]

I smoke cigarettes, and you described the feeling SO well...Nevertheless, its a habit I am not proud of...the longest I quit was 1 year, and stress got a hold of me...but the beauty in your words just showed why I love smoking tobacco...I'm sure smokers anonymous would hate this poem...who cares, I love smoking menthols with a good hard drink. Kudos for a great write.

[daydreamer]

though you dont smoke you have used smoke as a tool to create a great write. metaphors are good. poem great:)

[Jeremy Baker]

Interesting mix of ideas and images.

[Poet Sayings]

"Artists need not think, just express" and you bring the saying to life,
Pure poetry, this blows me away.

[ClockWork GRIMM]

Great in almost every way possible... But try not to rely to heavily on Font and transitions.. Make this more than one emotion with pretty words... Make it speak to me.. Make it tell me a full story... Other than that.. On the GrimmXL Plague scale I give it a 8 out of 10