Do Not Resuscitate

Devil’s claws around my lungs
Raven’s talons pierce my heart
Lightening flickers in my eyes
I can taste my own demise

 

 

And all they do is stand and watch

 

Today I’ll hold my Savior’s hand
And hope my mother understands
They’re not cold-hearted, I asked for this
I held them at a distance

 

All they can do is stand and watch

 

My body goes slack, limp in the bed
I have no strength to lift my head
Incessant beeping fills my ears
The final sounds I’ll hear

 

And all they do is stand and watch

 

Three words chained around their wrists
Three words that are my final wish

 

All they can do is stand and watch

Author's Note

I'm not sure about this one. I like it but at the same time I feel like something's missing. Comments? Crit?

Reviews

[Kaitlyn]

I will agree with our friend Tallulah down there, although I really really love it....I do feel it is lacking your usually intense emotion. I still love it so, so much!

[Marlena]

I liked it, I think you can either add something in the middle, or maybe just try to add some more emotion into it. ^^ Either way though, I thought it was pretty good, slightly depressing but still great. It's a view no one ever really looks at, is it?

[Katherine Wyatt]

Far out.. a ver neat perspective.. I like the whole originality of it! Great topic.. and well done!

[Tallulah]

oh thats so sad and slightly depressing. i love it but i think that its missing the intense amount of emotion your writing usually has. the emotion is there bht its not as intense as all the emotions in all your other poems. i love it though. love it to bits.

[W.R. Singleton]

It is very vivid, and it has a literal feel to is. The person is passing away while those around them can do nothing but watch. I am left wondering however, since you've placed yourself into the body of the departing, what one would be thinking at such a time. Would they regret their decision, would they change their mind but fear it's too late, or smile and be thankful that their time has come and accept it with arms wide open - it all depends on the very nature of the person who is speaking - are they spiritual? are they atheist? what do they expect to be waiting for them, and how would they wish to relay that to those they left behind?

I can't really say anything negative about the piece, because it is well written and has potention, I'm just left with more questions that answers

hope I was helpful.

cheers

WRS

also "Three words chained around their wrists"

not sure why the bracelet would be around "their wrists" rather than "my wrist" unless "their wrists" is to suggest all those who are dying and do not wish to be recessitated - the only problem with that is that you have devoted "I" throughout the poem and not "they" -

[Winter Poison]

O.O I like it! It makes me feel sad, though...: